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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

- men coming on MN?

236 replies

iwantedaSindywardrobe · 15/04/2017 01:17

Now I have no problem with men coming on here and declaring that they are men but seeking a female perspective on something. But there seem to be men who lurk and men who post pretending to be women on here.

I've read a few posts recently where there have been quite a lot of misogynistic comments (not saying women can't be like that) and some of those posters are clearly men. Mostly posts about how how women and girls are subject to sexually inappropriate or manipulative behaviour by males.

Why are men coming on here and doing this? It's a public forum, I get that, but it would never cross my mind to go on a DadsNet or equivalent forum pretending to be a man just to slate men and their particular experiences.

Is it just me who finds this odd and creepy?

OP posts:

SoupDragon · 15/04/2017 08:06

if you posted on something deeply sensitive with regards to gender issues would you make it clear that you are male?

Do you announce that you are female?

I am genuinely mystified why someone who hasn't got a hidden agenda would make the effort to create an account on here.

By your own definition then, you must have a hidden agenda. Otherwise why would you make the effort to create an account on here? There are posters who have no children too. Do they have a hidden agenda or do they maybe just come here for the chat and intelligent conversation?

WateryTart · 15/04/2017 08:06

I'm not sure why a man would want to join a forum called mumsnet. It's just another example of men thinking women's spaces can be intruded upon.

picklemepopcorn · 15/04/2017 08:08

prh47bridge is brilliant on legal threads, sparkling. Crime, court cases, sentencing...

SoupDragon · 15/04/2017 08:09

If you were told as a women you should find yourself a nice woman's forum to chat on rather than with the big bad man forum how would you feel?

Absolutely. I very very rarely, of ever, give a single thought as to weather a poster is male or female. It doesn't make any difference to me and the levelling nature of not knowing whethe someone is male/female black/white etc is refreshing.

I feel threads like these perpetuate sexism by making the divide between men and women so much bigger.

I agree.

SoupDragon · 15/04/2017 08:11

It's just another example of men thinking women's spaces can be intruded upon.

Utter nonsense. Presumably you feel the child free are intruding too, or is it just men you want to shove out?

pipsqueak25 · 15/04/2017 08:11

this is aibu it gets told as it is, sometimes it is brutal but there is never any need for bullying under any cause.
i don't get the problem with the 'female' or'feminine' that was mentioned by a poster on the 1st page [confuse] you are born male or female [rarely both] a woman or a man. why was the op being ironic in saying that when it is true ? well it was when i was a nurse has a third physical gender now been created ? < hard hat on >

WateryTart · 15/04/2017 08:12

Utter nonsense. Presumably you feel the child free are intruding too, or is it just men you want to shove out?

The clue is in the name of the forum. I wouldn't join a forum called Dadsnet. It would be rude.

Batgirlspants · 15/04/2017 08:14

WateryTart

It's an Internet forum not a toilet don't be silly.

SoupDragon · 15/04/2017 08:15

Waterytart that doesn't answer my question.

HerRoyalFattyness · 15/04/2017 08:15

Jesus. If you're getting so wound up by the fact a public internet forum isn't what you want it to be...make your own.
I don't get the fuss tbh.

pipsqueak25 · 15/04/2017 08:16

but does it really matter in the grand scheme of things ? mners, for the best part, seem to be pretty clued up on sorting out the dodgies and calling them out. there may well be a lot of men on here posting as women, how would you really know ?

SoupDragon · 15/04/2017 08:16

By your reckoning, the child free are less welcome than men because they don't fulfill the tag line either.

WateryTart · 15/04/2017 08:17

It's a bit early to get so het up, Soup, I'm allowed an opinion and I've given it.

SoupDragon · 15/04/2017 08:18

Who is het up?

Do you object to child free women or are you just objecting to men?

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 15/04/2017 08:18

prh47bridge is an expert on all things to do with school admissions too.

FWIW I only found out a few weeks ago that he's a bloke when he mentioned it on a thread. And I've been here for over 10 years!

c3pu · 15/04/2017 08:19

I'm a father.

I don't regularly announce myself as such unless relevant to the discussion, people who do that tend to be accused of mansplaining...

floraeasy · 15/04/2017 08:19

I couldn't get worked up about this tbh. It's the Internet! I wouldn't get too invested in people's apparent identities - and "apparent" is all they'll ever be unless you arrange a meet-up.

If you ask a question - sift the advice and take what you want from it.

I would be happy to get good advice from any gender tbh.

Ifailed · 15/04/2017 08:20

The clue is in the name of the forum. I wouldn't join a forum called Dadsnet. It would be rude.

Charming. You've just told every woman TTC to fuck off.

iismum · 15/04/2017 08:21

If you were told as a women you should find yourself a nice woman's forum to chat on rather than with the big bad man forum how would you feel?

If it was specifically a forum for men to discuss issues from a male point of view then I probably wouldn't post, no. But the point is that almost all spaces - online and in real life - are male dominated and women tend to get shouted down, ignored and/or harassed. That's why a female-dominated area is so powerful for women - they get to have a voice.

I feel threads like these perpetuate sexism by making the divide between men and women so much bigger.

But te divide between men and women is pretty big - not because they are intrinsically different but because they are treated so differently and it is so much harder for a women to get her voice heard.

WateryTart · 15/04/2017 08:22

As it happens I have no problem with any woman joining MN. I find it odd that men want to, especially when they don't make it clear that they are men. The internet is a strange place.

floraeasy · 15/04/2017 08:23

Even if banning men from here was thought to be a good idea, how on earth could it be achieved? Only by taking away the anonymity - thus ensuring the death of Mumsnet!

ShiroiKoibito · 15/04/2017 08:23

WateryTart

I'm not sure why a man would want to join a forum called mumsnet. It's just another example of men thinking women's spaces can be intruded upon.

It's not a women's space It's not just for women, it's a public place on the Internet
You don't have tone have a vagina to post here...!

I don't look at usernames and so long as you are (vaguely) respectful of others and can put across your side/argument I don't care if you have a penis or not

TotalWhittle · 15/04/2017 08:24

SoupDragon: There are posters who have no children too. Do they have a hidden agenda or do they maybe just come here for the chat and intelligent conversation?

And the creative swearing, don't forget that.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 15/04/2017 08:26

... but because they are treated so differently and it is so much harder for a women to get her voice heard.

Is it not a good thing then that there are men on here who will be listening and will be learning? Shouting about the changes women need to a room full of women will achieve nothing.

SoupDragon · 15/04/2017 08:31

That's why a female-dominated area is so powerful for women - they get to have a voice.

And a little pointless if only women get to hear. MN is female dominated. Men are in the minority (I think!)

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