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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Peeved by 'guilt quotes'

32 replies

GoodEyebrowDay · 10/04/2017 12:53

Might be better in 'Relationships' but I'm sick of the 'love your mother, you only get one' type quotes that get shared online/sold in shops.

Being someone's mum does not entitle you to admiration and I shouldn't be made to feel bad for not spending time with my parents because they will die one day.

Back story here is that my mum is a liar, manipulator & although we have a platonic relationship, the older I've gotten & have kids myself the more I realise how pissed off I am at her that she hasn't apologised or acknowledged the shitty things she's done.

More of a rant than I AIBU but she shared one just now and I'm all 😡

OP posts:
araiwa · 10/04/2017 13:00

yet when i say that people should need to have a license to be a parent i get shouted at......

think about how many shitty people there are in the world, its no surprise theres lots of shitty parents too

you could always hide her on fb

watchoutformybutt · 10/04/2017 13:00

Oh I hate it.
You're not automatically deserving of unconditional love and respect just for being a mother. Some mums are evil. Should abused children love their muns regardless? Such an odd thing sentiment to push on people.

OuchBollocks · 10/04/2017 13:04

YANBU. Load of old shite. If someone's a cunt, they're not less of a cunt because you share a few bits of DNA.

Also, a friend of a friend loves "share this if you have the best child in the world", "a parent lives for their child" twee shite - they virtually never spend any time with said child, child is practically raised by its grandparents as FacebookMum is too busy skiing and going to charity events etc etc. Do that if you want but don't pretend you're fucking earth mother when you see your kid about 5 hours a week total (the dad does the same but stays off fb so I don't care)

Original poster
GoodEyebrowDay · 10/04/2017 13:07

araiwa not by me so I think we could probably agree on a few things

OP posts:
zukiecat · 10/04/2017 13:07

I hate these things too, and they often pop up on fb

My mother is a bullying, manipulative, controlling toxic woman and I've had years of mental health issues, zero self esteem, zero confidence because of her

I lived in terror of her for years, and no amount of therapy and CBT can solve the issues I have

I often feel like saying something when yet another meme comes up, but I just scroll through and ignore

Original poster
GoodEyebrowDay · 10/04/2017 13:07

She's hidden onFB, the endless Britain First shares were too much

OP posts:
Original poster
GoodEyebrowDay · 10/04/2017 13:08

Sorry to hear you guys have had tough times. MN has helped me in knowing I'm not alone or a massive dick for feeling conflicted towards my mother.

OP posts:
Birdandsparrow · 10/04/2017 13:24

My mum's a dick and we haven't spoken in 3 years. "You only get one mum" yeah, thank God. One's enough.

SpreadYourHappiness · 10/04/2017 13:28

I love these type of things, but I love my mum, so that's probably why.

potoftea · 10/04/2017 13:31

It drives me mad on mumsnet how people get told off for not wanting to do something for their mother with posters who's mothers are dead going on about how you should cherish your time with her, you only have one mother etc. Well I also only have one husband or one daughter yet no one would try guilting me if I complained about their behavior, I'd be told to assert myself. Mothers aren't saints just because they gave birth.

CaoNiMartacus · 10/04/2017 13:33

It's not even correct. Some people have two mums, such as a boy I know with mothers who are lesbians, and me, an adoptee.

CaoNiMartacus · 10/04/2017 13:33

(Not me, an adoptee of the lesbian mums - sorry if that wasn't clear! Although that could have been nice)

porterwine · 10/04/2017 13:35

I hate it too. A girl around mother's day actually wrote something very similar to OP on Facebook. A few people responded saying how "ungrateful" she is and how they had all lost their mums and would do anything to have another day with her and basically calling said girl for calling out that not all mothers are angels. I'm sorry you lost your mum, but that doesn't mean mine was a saint.

porterwine · 10/04/2017 13:35

oops..meant to say "calling said girl evil for..."

CallousAndStrange · 10/04/2017 13:36

I have a lovely mum, and I hate this crap. It's trite and boring and seems to be a smug way of showing what a lovely daughter you are with no effort whatsoever beyond clicking a mouse/phone keypad.

If someone loves their mum, they can go tell them. Telling everyone else on FB isn't showing love, it's saying 'look what a lovely person I am! Look at meeeeeee!'

CallousAndStrange · 10/04/2017 13:41

Also having the fairly common biological ability to shag a human into existence does not automatically make you a good person. A total bitch who procreates is still a total bitch, why some people can't grasp this I don't know! Absolutely not BU OP.

porterwine · 10/04/2017 13:46

CallousAndStrange Also having the fairly common biological ability to shag a human into existence does not automatically make you a good person I've never read anything that sums it up so perfectly.

expatinscotland · 10/04/2017 13:54

I have a mother I love and I hate these things. They fuck me off and I hide them.

Wishimaywishimight · 10/04/2017 13:58

I remember a rather patronising work colleague spouting that very phrase to me when I mentioned that DH and I spent Christmas at a hotel and wouldn't be seeing my parents over the Xmas season (I'm very low contact with narcissistic mother and enabler father) - "ah but you've only got 1 mother". My response: "thank f*ck for that, any more and I'd shoot myself". I got a rather disgusted look from him, it really is one of the greatest taboos to express negative feelings towards one's mother. I have always been on edge around my mother, walked on eggshells, was careful about what I said to her, how I looked at her (having been told on numerous occasions "don't you look at me like that", I would have no idea what she meant although looking back, my contempt can't always have been hidden). I curled up inside whenever I was near her and just couldn't act like myself. Very critical, very judgmental, very demanding and controlling and bloody scary even though I'm in my 40's.

WizardOfToss · 10/04/2017 14:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LateDad · 10/04/2017 14:01

I agree whit OP and it's all self-serving bollocks.

And also everyone has only one "Person you saw in passing on the street the other day, you didn't actually talk or in fact interact in anyway, but be grateful because you might never see them again ..."

ToEarlyForDecorations · 10/04/2017 14:05

*Also having the fairly common biological ability to shag a human into existence does not automatically make you a good person

I've never read anything that sums it up so perfectly.*

^ This/these multiplied by at least one million

cookies107 · 10/04/2017 14:11

I'm so glad this thread exists, they bore me no end. My own mum is an absolute superstar but MIL is an utter psycho and has been cut off with no return!

Nevertheless she was forever posting (and no doubt still is) these sort of self promoting sympathy inducing things and also about how a mothers love for their sons is like no other.Pfft!

Anyone can push out a kid, it doesn't make you a good parent.

ToEarlyForDecorations · 10/04/2017 14:12

And also everyone has only one "Person you saw in passing on the street the other day, you didn't actually talk or in fact interact in anyway, but be grateful because you might never see them again ..."

^ Brilliant

I got a bit upset when I read the Mother's Day thread for people to vent what a truly awful mother they had and were expected, for just one day, to be suitably mawkish etc etc.

It did sadden me just because my mum died nearly 12 years ago & they've got a mum to go nc with. (NC is maintained by her death.) However, the penny dropped that these posters do not have a mum to mourn for. Would they have loved that i.e. be sad when their mum dies, not glad or indifferent ?

ToEarlyForDecorations · 10/04/2017 14:15

Anyone can push out a kid, it doesn't make you a good parent.

^Good.

Yep, that's right.

So why the judging and skepticism to the point of suspicion of people who don't want children because they don't want to be a parent ?

I realize it goes against the norm, but then, so do a lot of things.