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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be ok leaving my baby?

41 replies

Twentyten2010 · 08/04/2017 20:43

DS is nine weeks old. Today I met a friend for lunch then had my nails done whilst he stayed at home with DH.

My friend asked how I felt leaving him - I felt fine!

My DM phoned me when I got home and said "I bet you felt like your right arm was missing didn't you?" - nope, I felt fine.

It was lovely having a cuddle when I got home but I didn't feel untethered like I thought I would. It wasn't a wrench to leave him.

Am I odd? Is it normal to feel like this?

OP posts:

StillDrivingMeBonkers · 08/04/2017 20:50

Perfectly normal.

But people like to make idiotic conversation about babies and hormones.

ineedwine99 · 08/04/2017 20:50

Not odd at all, i left baby with my husband at 3 weeks old to go to the hairdressers and felt fine, husband loved it too and baby was happy

SilverHoney · 08/04/2017 20:51

Totally normal. I was exactly the same. First time I left DD was to get my nails done, and she was much younger than 9 weeks. DH came into town to meet me afterwards, and loved getting to push DD about, showing her off to all the old ladies who were that he'd been left with such a tiny baby. Well, she was 10lbs... so not that tiny!

Glad you enjoyed you mini-break, book another in soon!

Andrewofgg · 08/04/2017 20:51

DS was left with me for a long day (but he was ff!) at ten days. We all survived the experience!

museumum · 08/04/2017 20:52

Nine weeks? Nah, I could take a few hours at nine weeks, despite ebf. My dh took ds out regularly Saturday mornings from that age.

lampshady · 08/04/2017 20:52

Absolutely fine. You haven't suddenly become a different person, and babies are pretty easy.

TessyFew · 08/04/2017 20:52

YANBU - momentary freedom . Think it makes a difference to me when it's her daddy she's with. Spent a day at a spa, felt surprisingly fine without her in a hot tub with a glass of bubbles. So nice coming home for cuddles though.

Caterina99 · 08/04/2017 20:53

Yep was normal for me. Left DS at 3 weeks with my parents to go to an event for a couple of hours. Didn't really miss him. He was fine.

Each to their own and all that, some people seem to find it hard. I didn't mind at all

Original poster

Twentyten2010 · 08/04/2017 20:53

It's weird. I get that DH leaves him everyday and doesn't have to explain himself or be made to feel guilty or strange for not being by his side 24/7, but because I gave birth to him people assume I never want to be away from him!

OP posts:

daisygirlmac · 08/04/2017 20:55

YANBU. I went to a gig when DS was 4 weeks old and left him with grandma as DH was working. I drank loads of gin, had a dance, snuck into my mums room to say goodnight then had a blissful uninterrupted sleep until 7am when he was delivered back to my bed as mum had had enough she's a superstar

BroomstickOfLove · 08/04/2017 20:58

YANBU, but neither are the people who feel sick and panicky leaving their baby, or the people who fall somewhere in between. They are all perfectly reasonable and appropriate ways to feel.

kingscrossnoodle · 08/04/2017 20:59

I find the whole idea that mothers should feel bad leaving their children with their fathers to be quite bizarre. At 9 weeks and a day with DC3 I was back at work, just one day a week but it was a full on 10 hour day. I loved my Fridays back then

Whatsername17 · 08/04/2017 20:59

I struggled with dd1. She was my first and had colic so screamed all day every day. My mum persuaded me to leave her with her for a couple of hours to give me a break and I remember running up the garden path to get back to her, feeling like she desperately needed me. She was asleep . Dd2 is 11 weeks and I left her for a few hours last week to do a KIT morning. It was much easier. Infact, the biggest wrench was raiding my supply of pumped milk from the freezer!

ItsReginaPhalange · 08/04/2017 21:00

Perfectly normal. I found it got harder though as they got older and I had more of a bond and they knew I was gone. Time to yourself is important!

GinIsIn · 08/04/2017 21:04

I left my DS today for the first time to go and get a much needed haircut. He's 6 weeks. I was fine but did worry slightly, and kept panicking that I had taken him to town and left him somewhere, before I remembered he was at home with DH!

BaskingTrout · 08/04/2017 21:07

I had to leave 11 week old DD for 3 days. It was something I couldn't get out of. I wouldn't have chosen to leave her for that length of time but it was actually fine. Yes I missed her, but we all coped and she was perfectly well looked after by DH and my mum. The hardest part was having to drag a double breast pump round with me.

CakesAreBiscuitsToo · 08/04/2017 21:07

With 6 weeks maternity leave in the USA many mums there go back to work when babies are a few weeks old. 9 weeks would be a luxury for some!

My sister was heartbroken at going back to work when her baby was 5 weeks old.

I think my first was 7 weeks old when I went out for a few hours first time. I realised I should have done it sooner.

Amockingjayhey · 08/04/2017 21:09

Do you love your DS? Grand! So don't worry if you're ok popping to get your nails done ! Self care is just as important as caring for your family - do not feel guilty/odd for enjoying it !!!!

summerfling · 08/04/2017 21:20

I needed to go back into hospital due to a minor issue, son was 11 days. I left him with my mum (could have taken him with me).

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 08/04/2017 21:23

Completely fine. As gorgeous as babies are. They're bloody hard work. You need and deserve that break.
Congratulations. On the birth of your little man, BTW.

relaxo · 08/04/2017 21:28

I think that many people who feel crap leaving baby are married to men who don't do much childcare. Your h was clearly capable of looking after the baby hence you felt fine.

cherryblossomcarpet · 08/04/2017 21:37

I was rushed into hospital seriously ill when ds was 9 weeks old, and didn't see him for 3 days. That was awful. I was ebf at the time and had to pump my milk and throw it away. I was really distressed.

I was fine with leaving him with DH to get my hair cut, or go for a run etc from much younger. Being a mum doesn't mean you can't have a break.

Pippin8 · 08/04/2017 21:38

^^
This with bells on. My friend is having a nightmare as her partner does nothing.
She is so anxious & attached to her 10 month old baby 24/7. She gets no time to herself.

It's so refreshing to hear a well grounded normal response to leaving a baby.

Goldmandra · 08/04/2017 21:39

I felt like a piece of me was missing whenever I spent time away from either of mine as small babies.

I didn't feel guilty. It wasn't logical. It didn't have anything to do with worrying about them being upset or about them not being looked after properly. I was just an overwhelming instinctive drive to get back to them.

It meant that being away from them wasn't enjoyable so I didn't try to do it. I was fine with that but other people struggled with it. They seemed to feel that I was missing out in some way and should be encouraged to leave them with other people.

I guess some mothers feel like this and others don't. No-one is a better mother because they feel like that or for being able to leave the baby and feel fine.

It didn't last. I struggled with my DD going off to uni far less than other mothers I know.

Crunchymum · 08/04/2017 21:41

I left my first DC at 3 weeks (for 2 hours) to go and meet my new nephew.

I left second DC aged 2 days so I could go to the shops (was about half an hour)

Neither is scarred for life!!

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