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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be ok leaving my baby?

41 replies

Twentyten2010 · 08/04/2017 20:43

DS is nine weeks old. Today I met a friend for lunch then had my nails done whilst he stayed at home with DH.

My friend asked how I felt leaving him - I felt fine!

My DM phoned me when I got home and said "I bet you felt like your right arm was missing didn't you?" - nope, I felt fine.

It was lovely having a cuddle when I got home but I didn't feel untethered like I thought I would. It wasn't a wrench to leave him.

Am I odd? Is it normal to feel like this?

OP posts:

Trb17 · 08/04/2017 21:41

YANBU. I was the same. Once I was over the mild PND I practically skipped off when I got a chance for me-time. My DD is my universe but I still enjoy my own space thoroughly.

glueandstick · 08/04/2017 21:45

Never feel guilty leaving her! I need my own time too.

I would like just a little clingyness to validate my need to be loved. But if she's got grandpa she doesn't care about me 😂

BroomstickOfLove · 08/04/2017 22:52

Like Goldmandra, I found being separated from my children when they were young a really horrible experience. It's not because my partner was rubbish. I think it might be a hormonal thing. I think that my reactions probably made me a different sort of mother than someone who could be relaxed about separation, but not a better or a worse type. I think that good parenting is about being responsive to the baby's needs and to your own. And giving the baby a few close and loving caregivers is pretty ideal in many ways.

crazywriter · 09/04/2017 02:39

Perfectly normal to me. DD1 was 7 weeks when we left her with my parents for a whole week for a trip that had been planned before finding out about her. My parents offered to have her instead of us paying extra (and we found out it would have cost us extra) for her. I thought I might miss her but really enjoyed the time post a horrific birth with DH. When DD2 was 5 weeks old, we left them both with my parents again for a weekend. We've also regularly left both for overnights from when they were very young.

crazywriter · 09/04/2017 02:41

Oh and when DD1 was 4 weeks, I left her with DH for a weekend. Some thought I was mad. I was away with mum and MIL and DSis and we had a wail of a time!

ChipIn · 09/04/2017 03:07

You mean you're still your own person, despite having had a baby?!! Shock horror! Seriously OP, it's fine. As you say, your DH spends hours away from baby but there's an antiquated notion that mother must always be with baby. I miss my DD when I'm not with her but it is sometimes nice to be able to try clothes on before I buy them!

WildKiwi · 09/04/2017 03:31

Glad I'm not the only one! When DS was a few weeks old me and DH left him with my DM to go to the supermarket (exciting times) and bumped into someone from our antenatal group, also minus baby. We all stood in the freezer aisle talking excitedly about being out on our own! We then rushed home to discover DS curled up asleep on his nana with not a care in the world.

As long as I trust the person who's looking after DS while I'm not there, I'm absolutely fine with having a bit of time to myself. I also think it's good for him to have time with DH without me interfering.

Writerwannabe83 · 09/04/2017 03:45

I wasn't on the opposite end of the scale. I wasn't away from DS until he was about four months old and that was when I left him with PIL for an hour and they only lived 20 doors away. I was tearful when I left him there and for the whole time I was away from him I missed him and had to constantly fight the urge to go and get him.

The next time I was then away from him was when he was 7 months old and he stayed with his dad whilst i went out with my sister for about 4 hours. I absolutely LOVED being away from him that time though, oh it felt so liberating

People feel differently about being away from their babies. Some people have no problem with it and others can't bear it - it's just an individuality thing.

Mouthfulofquiz · 09/04/2017 03:47

Everyone is different - I would definitely not have been able to go out alone for a few hours when any of my three were that age. I would have felt weird, sort of anxious, the whole time. Even though they have a very competent father! I'm going for my first day out next week and my ds is 11 months!
Not sure why I'm like that - but after 3 kids, I accept it and embrace it!

IndiaGrace · 09/04/2017 06:48

I was ok leaving DD when she was tiny. Teeny tiny babies don't actually give a stuff who is looking after them, as long as someone does (she was formula fed). That said, I didn't do it often.

She's 2 now, and I think it's harder now. She's my wee shadow, we do everything together. If I leave her with grandparents I miss her. She's not happy when I leave either (unless she's with DH or my mum - she's quite happy then). Sometimes my in-laws beg to take her, and my husband kind of insists we let them to have some time to ourselves for an afternoon or whatever. I hate it. They dote on her and she's always fine but I don't really enjoy time without her. I can't relax.

londonrach · 09/04/2017 07:22

Normal. Ive left dd since week 3 in my home with my inlaws one day a week for either 1 to 4 hours to work (self employed). I love returning to her but am relaxed working as know she is very safe in her own home with people she knows. She is with 24/7 for the other 6 days due to this day. The hugs when i return are amazing! Her grandparents love the quality time and i get some valuable money for food and bills so a win win.

Beachhairdontcare · 09/04/2017 07:26

I have an eight week old, have done this several times now - no feelings of longing or panic here! Yes, it is nice to come home for snuggles, but absolutely no guilt. In fact, I think it's healthy. Congrats on your new baby by the way!

themusicmum · 09/04/2017 07:49

I personally didn't feel bad about it. Who cares what others think? Go have fun, as long as your baby is looked after, that's what matters.

SailAwayWithMeHoney · 09/04/2017 07:55

YANBU!!
I was - and still am - the same. I left DS overnight when he was 10 weeks old because it was my birthday so I went for a night out and he got some quality time with my mum. No feelings of guilt, I don't miss him, I don't feel like a part of me is missing - the only thing that I ever did feel was that I didn't know where to put my hands when I wasn't pushing a pram

ImogenTubbs · 09/04/2017 08:25

Totally fine. It doesn't mean anything. I remember when DD was about 6w, DM said to me when she was crying, "I bet you feel like your heart's being ripped out" and I just thought... "errr, no, I don't like her crying and want to help her, but it's fine."

Enjoy your time!

Me624 · 09/04/2017 10:05

I never felt worried about leaving DS with DH. He was formula fed from about 2 weeks old so there was no issue there. DH was and is just as good a parent to him as I am!

I first left him with someone other than DH when he was 12 weeks, with my DPs so I could go and have my hair cut and coloured. I was away from him for about 3 hours in total and honestly didn't enjoy it that much, I worried about him the whole time. Whereas if he'd been with DH I'd have been fine.

My DPs had him again when I had my hair cut again when he was about 8 months old and felt no worry at all that time, so it didn't last!

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