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Original poster

Wedding thank you anxiety

36 replies

Linkedout · 27/03/2017 22:05

We got married last October and due to a mixture of anxiety/procrastination and being incredibly busy (moving house, doing up house, dealing with two kids) we haven't yet done our thank you cards.

I suffer from anxiety and often build up small things and stress massively over them. And that is what I have done here! If we had done it straight away it would have been fine, but now I feel like we have left it too long.

I'm so anxious about it I can't sleep. I know that sounds silly but as I said I build things up in my mind.

Should we do them now or is it too late? Should we just leave it???

OP posts:
19lottie82 · 27/03/2017 22:07

I'd still do them. Within 6 months is OK IMO so you're still within that window!

Nishky · 27/03/2017 22:09

I would do it. One of my friends realised nearly 6 months after her wedding that she didn't send us a card, so did it then..no idea what made her remember but it was lovely to receive it, it was one of those with a wedding photo stuck on so it was a nice reminder

Weebleswobbles · 27/03/2017 22:09

I know exactly what you mean re: anxiety but do send your thank you cards.

EffieIsATrinket · 27/03/2017 22:10

Better late than never with this sort of thing IMO.

I'd draft a 'voucher' letter, put together a template for the 'gift letters', formulate some phrases about your recent life events. Do them over a few nights.

It'll feel like a holiday when they're done!

MangoSplit · 27/03/2017 22:10

Yes, do it now. Once you get down to it I'm sure it won't take very long!

picknmiss · 27/03/2017 22:10

Don't panic! I think official etiquette says you have a year to send thank yous Smile and I'm always happy to get a thank you verbal or written no matter how long after the event. You're not too late at all, I'd definitely send them.

KoolKoala07 · 27/03/2017 22:11

Definitely do them. It's incredibly rude not to thank guests. I got married last oct and i must admit it was a job that I was relived to get done. After all the wedding the stuff,once the day was over I didn't want to do anymore.

Swirlingasong · 27/03/2017 22:12

Just do it. We once had a wedding thank you over a year after the wedding. Made us giggle a bit. Contrary to what you read on here, most people don't attend a wedding and then anxiously watch the post every day afterwards waiting for a thank you card and adjusting their opinion of the couple accordingly. Most people have more things to think about and are just happy for the friends or family who got married.

KoalaDownUnder · 27/03/2017 22:14

Don't panic! I think official etiquette says you have a year to send thank yous

It doesn't, and you definitely don't. That's a myth that comes from the traditional etiquette that the guest has a year to give a present.

That said, it is better late than never, so just do them!

SpreadYourHappiness · 27/03/2017 22:16

I got married years ago, but I fell ill shortly after and so never managed to actually send any thank you cards. It was years before I actually realised I'd never sent them.

Nobody mentioned it and I don't want to mention it in now case they don't even remember not receiving one.

I feel guilty for not sending them, but I can't send them now as I have no record of who gave us anything.

sonyaya · 27/03/2017 22:17

Definitely do them!

TheProblemOfSusan · 27/03/2017 23:05

Oh my love. I am you. It took us (well me because my husband has no understanding of basic etiquette and doesn't give a shit, which was part of the problem) almost a year to do it.

I got insanely anxious over them to the point that worrying about them was causing me serious issues - it was all my ongoing anxiety problems.

I finally couldn't bear for it to be a year and managed to force myself into them. And as with so many anxiety focus things once they were done I couldn't understand what I was so worked up about.

But the feelings were real - I was worried I wouldn't be thankful enough, that we would get them wrong in some way, that the picture wasn't good enough, I span some mad visions of people never speaking to me again over them.

And of course all that happened was we sent them and they were nice and I should have sent them earlier and saved myself months of fruitless panic.

If you can just bite the bullet and do it please do, it'll really help, I promise. The longer you leave it the harder it is. Try doing five at once if you can't see doing all of them in one.

And if you have the same problem with the DH I did, give him a list of half of them and... Well I don't know how I persuaded him but he wrote half of them in the end.

chastenedButStillSmiling · 28/03/2017 00:06

with the "thank you's" include some pictures from the wedding (personalized to include the gift-giver). They'll think you were waiting to get the wedding pics back and think you are amazing! unless you were a bridezilla!

justwondering85 · 28/03/2017 01:11

I had the same we got married around Christmas and got pregnant shortly after and had a miscarriage and the thank you cards weren't on my mind. I felt I left it too late to send them but my friend suggested I send them out as Christmas cards the following year which we did. I felt better knowing I had sent them even if they were a year late Blush

TapOut · 28/03/2017 02:09

If you know you are an anxious person then you must know that it's better to tackle jobs like this sooner rather than later. I KNOW it's easier done than said but still.....

They have to be done so stop faffing around and do them.

You can make a joke about taking so long if you want. People won't mind and will be pleased you made the effort.

TapOut · 28/03/2017 02:11

BTW I have just looked and there are loads of nice belated thank you cards to choose from.

Wedding thank you anxiety
Wedding thank you anxiety
Wedding thank you anxiety
StrawberryJelly00 · 28/03/2017 03:45

Aww bless you. In all the weddings I have been to I have never received a single thankyou card! Hmm

I seriously didn't even know this was a done thing.

I love the idea of sending them with a wedding photo or personalise small thankyou cards online with a picture of the day. I wouldn't bring attention to the fact that it's delayed though... why?

The fact that you have done it is enough, its lovely! X

waterrat · 28/03/2017 06:41

I understand as I suffer from this sort of anxiety.

But. I have been to countless weddings and have no memory of ever thinking about the thank you card ever. I couldn't care less and it just wouldn't cross my mind

However I have had similar anxiety over baby presents etc so I totally understand

waterrat · 28/03/2017 06:41

I think October isn't that long ago by the way. Not at all weird to do it now.

bigchris · 28/03/2017 06:43

Couldn't new dh have done it though?,
Or is he also anxious?

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 28/03/2017 06:48

Yes do it. Share it out with DH.

Gubbins · 28/03/2017 06:56

Do it! I was in exactly this position but never did send the thank yous. I've been married 16 years now and reading your post has brought back the panic. Don't subject yourself to a lifetime of worry about it, just set aside next weekend to get it done. You'll feel wonderfully light once you have.

ChippyMinton · 28/03/2017 07:01

Do it. I received a thank you this week for a wedding last September - the couple had specially printed cards with their names, date and a selection of wedding photos so actually it was a lovely reminder of the big day. A short but sweet handwritten note was inside.

AuntieStella · 28/03/2017 07:03

Better late than never. Just crack on with it.

Eatingcheeseontoast · 28/03/2017 07:08

Do it now and include a bit about how the first six months have been, so either it's still all roses or sthg funny about irritating little habits. It's a nice thing to do and you aren't too late!