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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or is my gut instict right?

43 replies

roka1 · 27/03/2017 06:27

My DHs brother and family live in a different country and his wife did something quite odd. She texted my DH to ask him if she (on her own) could visit us and dates etc. She has recently setup a family whatsapp group which includes me, DH, my parents-in-laws and her husband- she didn't put up this request there but texted my husband separately. Am i reading too much into this? I find it rather odd. If I mention my feelings to my DH, he'll probably say I'm over analysing it...what should i do?

OP posts:
ImsorryTommy · 27/03/2017 06:28

What is your gut instinct?

coffeetasteslikeshit · 27/03/2017 06:30

I think we need to know what you're reading into it first. Why do you think it's odd?

HeyCat · 27/03/2017 06:31

I don't find that odd. Presumably there a reason she wants to visit your country?

haveacupoftea · 27/03/2017 06:34

I dont think I would ask for that type of favour over a group chat either tbh.

StillDrivingMeBonkers · 27/03/2017 06:51

This bit - She texted my DH to ask him if she (on her own) could visit us and dates etc - she wants to come without her husband, who is your husbands brother? Are you very close?

BertrandRussell · 27/03/2017 06:57

Seems perfectly normal to me-although I would probably have sent a separate message to you and your dh, not just your dh. If she had messaged just you would you have thought that odd?

Trifleorbust · 27/03/2017 06:58

What do you think you are reading into it?

user1471517900 · 27/03/2017 07:01

Yeah it's definitely an affair. Or the fact that her husband said "just message my brother".

Almost definitely the affair thing.

whattodowiththepoo · 27/03/2017 07:02

What is your gut instinct?

If it's...
A) This is inappropriate because you think she wants to "steal" your husband. YABU
B) This is inappropriate because you think she is trying to leave your BIL and you don't want to get stuck in the middle. Maybe not BU, depends on the BIL

MrsTwix · 27/03/2017 07:03

Personally I think such conversations are not suitable for a group discussion. It's between you and your DH and her. Why would you want your in laws chipping in on the discussion?

whattodowiththepoo · 27/03/2017 07:03

I would have assumed she didn't ask in a group chat to avoid her husband finding out not you.

FrenchLavender · 27/03/2017 07:05

I have a brother who lives abroad and I would not find this odd if my SIL asked this. Did she give reasons for wanting to visit?

She could have to undergo some medical procedures and doesn't want to worry the rest of the family.

She possibly would rather not stay with her PILs so prefers to ask you and DH directly rather than have them offer on the same message.

She could have been somewhere without mobile data at the time she messaged, hence the text and not WhatsApp.

Unless you already have concerns that something is amiss with their marriage I find it odd that you would just to sinister conclusions about this.

FrenchLavender · 27/03/2017 07:06

Or she could be in the country for a flying visit, perhaps the PILs are a distance away and she doesn't have time to see them but doesn't want to offend them by looking like she can't be bothered? Honestly there are loads of perfectly reasonable explanations for this.

VivienneWestwoodsKnickers · 27/03/2017 07:16

Should she have messaged you both? Isn't that a bit redundant?

You seem to be massively blowing this out of proportion unless there's more to the back story.

TheDowagerCuntess · 27/03/2017 07:17

Nobody can answer your question, without knowing what your gut instinct is. Confused

n0ne · 27/03/2017 07:18

Seems perfectly normal to me!

SavoyCabbage · 27/03/2017 07:19

We have a family group message thread but I don't put things on there that don't involve everyone. It's intrusive. I don't want my phone binging away all day while two other family members are having a conversation or for them to have to read the banal details of what I and someone else might be saying about going to IKEA or whatever.

FairytalesAreBullshit · 27/03/2017 07:20

Need more context really? She probably sees your DH as being approachable as she's DH's SIL. Would it make you feel better if she'd texted you?

MadamePomfrey · 27/03/2017 07:27

Is don't find it odd she didn't put it the group message why would everyone want to be bothered but your arrangements? I don't find it she text her BIL to ask about staying with the both of you! why do you find it strange? If you gut instinct is an affair or something along those line I would say your over thinking unless there's back story?? If you think her and you BIL are having issues then maybe but odd to pick your husbands brother to visit and confide in

bigbuttons · 27/03/2017 07:37

I think she wants to steal your husband otherwise she would have messaged you all, or something.

TheFirstMrsDV · 27/03/2017 07:39

Do tell us what your guts are telling you OP

AgentProvocateur · 27/03/2017 07:40

What's odd about it? I go and stay with my BIL and SIL on my own sometimes Confused

OnionKnight · 27/03/2017 07:43

YANBU, she wants to shag your husband senseless.

Or maybe she didn't want everyone else sticking their nose in, are you normally so paranoid OP?

WowserBowser · 27/03/2017 07:43

Ooooh I'd message her myself on another WhatsApp group and say 'Hey! Back off bitch!'

That, or i'd think nothing of it

TealStar · 27/03/2017 07:46

Of course she wasn't going to text this to all of you. It gives your dh space to consider the proposal without having to publicly refuse it. It also gives your dh an opportunity to ask you privately, face to face. I think it shows subtlety and respect on your sil's part that their descent upon you may not be completely convenient!

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