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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wipe my hands from kids dad.

34 replies

Hatade16 · 25/03/2017 21:30

Been split up 4 years. He hasn't paid a penny in that time, probably seen the kids less then 20 times in 4 years. His choice, I offer but he doesn't bother. He's had two more kids with his gf. Everytime I have asked for financial help towards dd &a ds I get threats, he's going to kill me, burn my house down etc etc. So I back off.

Well enough I thought, so on Monday I rang cms. They have contacted him already. And I have just received a message saying he wants to sign parental responsibility over, that "you want the kids so you can have them" that he doesn't want anything to do with them and if he signs them over I have to cancel cms.

So...
How do I do it?!

OP posts:
Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 · 25/03/2017 21:31

I think this isn't applicable in the UK. . .
Report him to the police and carry on with the cms. .

cupcake007 · 25/03/2017 21:32

I'm pretty sure he can't do that. They are still his children and he legally has to provide for them. In fact the less contact he has with them the more he will have pay.

kittybiscuits · 25/03/2017 21:35

There is no such thing as 'signing them over' and not paying. Report him to the police for making threats to kill you and let the CMS extract payment from the lowlife piece of scum. Hopefully he makes threats by text or voicemail - if you have proof he will face immediate consequences.

ShowMePotatoSalad · 25/03/2017 21:35

He hasn't a leg to stand on legally. Even if he handed over parental responsibility now, he still owes backdated child support for the years he has had parental responsibility.

QuiteLikely5 · 25/03/2017 21:39

That's ridiculous, he is taking you for a fool! You can't legally disown your own children

Please please show his text to the police if you still have them.

highinthesky · 25/03/2017 21:44

If he thinks he can disown his own children then he needs a firm awakening from his dolly daydream!

Whatever you do, don't breathe a word to DC. It's not their fault their father is such an arsehole.

StillDrivingMeBonkers · 25/03/2017 21:48

You can't legally disown your own children

It can be done. If a woman doesn't want to continue to parent she can put the children forward for adoption - why cant a man have the same legal rights? I realise that's a devils advocate type of question and may be better as a separate thread and my intention isn't to offend anyone.

RandomMess · 25/03/2017 21:52

Just block all contact and let CMS get on with it.

No idea if he can legally revoke PR but it will cost him ££££ so I doubt he will.

Definitely report any further threats to the police.

Flowers
QuiteLikely5 · 25/03/2017 21:52

Yes but he doesn't want to have them adopted Confused

He cannot legally disown them! Under these circumstances anyway

troodiedoo · 25/03/2017 21:53

I think only if OP has a partner wanting to adopt the children can ex shirk his rights.

He sounds awful, poor you having to deal with such fuckery. Flowers

Oldraver · 25/03/2017 21:55

Even if he handed over parental responsibility now, he still owes backdated child support for the years he has had parental responsibility

No he doesn't. He is only liable for child support from the day CMS write to him. Maybe morally he owes

Original poster
Hatade16 · 25/03/2017 21:57

If my df adopted them, how would we do it? He's saying he will have to declare bankruptcy if he is made to pay cms 🙄

OP posts:
LemonSqueezy0 · 25/03/2017 22:07

Have you spoken to the children about them not seeing their dad, and being adopted? I get that it might be what you and the ex want, but don't act in the heat of the moment. Are the kids of an age where you can discuss it with them?
My (step) dad never adopted me, but it makes no difference at all to the fact that he's my real dad and the bloke (bio father) that never paid a penny for us is no one to me.
Report his threats to the police, he sounds very dangerous and you need to keep safe.

Original poster
Hatade16 · 25/03/2017 22:12

Have spoken in the past, they don't actually want to see him. They never ask, or mention him really. Dd is 9 and ds is 7&half. They absolutely adore df, he does everything for them.x

OP posts:
BadKnee · 25/03/2017 22:16

Who is df? friend or father?

Original poster
Hatade16 · 25/03/2017 22:17

Fiancé sorry

OP posts:
kath6144 · 25/03/2017 22:20

Bankruptcy has a lot more repercussions than just not paying cms. Its very unlikely that he would go that far! He is just trying to get you to back off.

Ignore him, as others have said, keep any threats and take to police, and let the cms get on with taking money off him. Is he employed? If so, they will deduct it straight from his salary.

Willyoujustbequiet · 25/03/2017 22:47

Call his bluff. Stand firm with the CMS

My stbxh said tough he couldn't afford ANY child support. My mortgage defaulted and I used up all my savings. The cocky twat thought if he could prove he needed every penny for his own bills he would get away with paying nothing.

The look on his face when he found out he couldn't avoid support was absolutely priceless Grin

Hang in there!

kittybiscuits · 26/03/2017 08:25

He won't go bankrupt. Standard bullshit threats of a person unfit to be a parent!

Trifleorbust · 26/03/2017 08:33

It's not nice to think someone could go bankrupt, it really isn't. But it doesn't excuse him from his responsibilities. Unfortunately his children need to eat and have a roof over their heads regardless.

bignamechangeroonie · 26/03/2017 08:36

Who cares if he goes bankrupt? His problem. Stop talking to him, he is just trying to manipulate you. Block him entirely.

Let cms do their job, he can argue with them.

lalalalyra · 26/03/2017 09:07

What is he hoping to achieve by bankruptcy? Child maintenance arrears aren't writing off in bankruptcy, and if he has an income he will still have an obligation.

troodiedoo · 26/03/2017 09:09

I can see why you and kids would want the security and comfort of df adopting them, and to not have to deal with x ever again, must be very draining for you all.

It's grossly unfair that he's not stepping up, but only you can decide if it's worth pursuing it.

I guess your next step would be to find a solicitor specialising in family law and they can go through options.

Penfold007 · 26/03/2017 09:52

PR and child maintenance are two separate issues. If you were never married to him he can ask to have PR removed, however, this doesn't mean his obligation to pay maintenance stops. Carry on with the CMS.

jmh740 · 26/03/2017 10:06

As pp said he has nothing to gain by going bankrupt he won't owe years of back pay they will only calculate maintenance from the date you first claimed and he would still have to pay maintenance. He's trying to bully you into doing what he wants. Just carry on with the CMS he should be supporting all his children.