School refusing to let 5 year old make Mother's Day card

[islandmummy]

Just that really. Mother's Day cards are apparently a privilege which the children (yr1) were allowed to make if they had time after doing everything else they were set. DD is struggling a bit at school (being investigated for possible SEN) and ran out of time trying to finish the expected work of the day. AIBU to be upset? I couldn't care less for all the things money could buy to make Mother's Day expensive special, all I wanted was a handmade card We've been spoken to by her teacher a few times with concerns about her not doing all the work they want her to - I can't help but feel this is my punishment for her not doing what they want her to! I get that they need to focus on schoolwork but at 5?? Couldn't they have worked this into their learning somehow so everyone came home with "something"?

Can someone else (dad, grandparent) help her make one tomorrow?

That does seem unnecessarily harsh. It's not the same, but could you make one together? It's not till Sunday.

I couldn't get upset about it. Give her some craft bits to make one at home.

Aww that is a real shame in the grand scheme of things it is no big deal but to an already struggiling at school little girl it is really upsetting and she is right to be upset I would mention it to school . Could an adult help her make a better card or take her to the shop to choose 1?

Surely it is more important for your child to finish her actual school work than for you to get a card??

I can't understand your priorities at all.

Did they make them today?

I am a teacher and I think this is very mean. Especially if some children have made cards and the OP's child can see that happening.

I think this using this as a consequence is a horrible thing to do.

Why can't she just make one at home if she wants to? Surely it means more if shes chosen to use her own time to make one rather than being forced to at school?

Your punishment? That's not right. If she's sad because she didn't get to make a card let her sit down tomorrow with a bit of paper and some crayons.

If it were up to the teachers, they would probably be happy to schedule 20 minutes of making a card but they are required to teach lots of academic stuff of increasing difficulty thanks to the government so may not have the time to squeeze this in.
Can't she do it after tea or tomorrow?

It is pretty obvious that the making of cards was a time filling activity albeit a nice one for kids who had finished all their work on a Friday afternoon. Your dd was not singled out; it was just the way the task was organised. Give her some card and felt tips and she can sit at the table and make one now or tomorrow at some point. It is a non -issue.

YANBU.

PersianCatLady - but it's not about the OP is it? It's about a 5 year old being denied the chance to do something sweet for her mum. It's about a five - five! - year old feeling singled out and inadequate for the sake of half an hour on this ONE day.

The priorities at this early stage of education surely include not making school a miserable experience?

This would have really, really upset me as a young child and I know it would make my DC really upset too.

I disagree PersianCatLady. I think arts and crafts, joining in with the others, and the sense of pride from taking something you've made home to your mum is just as important as 'actual school work'.

And, OP, I agree that they could have worked the task into the learning.

Cutting out and naming shapes, writing, colour mixing etc. - so much opportunity there.

What could be so important academically at age 5 that a teacher needs to talk to parents multiple times about a child not working quickly enough. It really is sad what our education has come to. What will happen to all the dreamy kids, the scientists and artists etc. etc. There was a lovely thread about unschooling a few days ago...

Yanbu-the faster kids have been rewarded for finding the work easier by being allowed to make their mum's a card.

I have a sn child and the card his special school help him to make really means something to me.

That is a shame. I agree it would have been nice if they could have worked making a card into their learning. There's surely less emotive activities they could use as time filling activities for children who've finished all their work.

Was your DD upset about it though? You say that you're upset but not how your DD feels about it.

I was all set to agree when I thought you were going to say it wasn't fair on your child.

And yet you seem to be more bothered about it not being fair on you - I'm not so sympathetic about that.

FWIW, my child made a beautiful card in class... for her stepmother (she'd made one off her own bat for me so thought that was fair - you can guess which looks nicer!)

My 5yo and all the others being collected yesterday and today have been so excited about having made cards for their mums, telling us "I'm not telling you what I've made for Mothers Day, but there's a happy face on it and I wrote Happy and mummy all by myself..." etc.

I'd expect it to be a prioritised activity via which they get children, especially the more reluctant ones, to write and cut and glue and draw. Otherwise children are going to lose out on the chance to make a 'surprise' card for mummy.

Also, I was a veeeeery slooooooow worker at school and never got to play in the fucking Wendy house as a result. (Still bitter).

If she hasn't finished the work set in the prescribed time and this is a regular occurrence, she needs some support, not to feel like she's being sanctioned for failing.

I would ask for a meeting to discuss how she is going to be supported so that she can get through the work in the same time as her peers.

This ethos is very likely to set her up to lack resilience and confidence in herself as a learner.

YABVU to think it's some kind of punishment for you. It just isn't and shouldn't be about you and you shouldn't be relying on or expecting school to help your child show appreciation for you. It's not their role in anyway.

Whether it's reasonable for the school to insist she does other things before she gets a go at making a card is a more difficult question and depends on what they're trying to cover. Generally I'd say they are probably BU. At 5 kids are going to get a lot of learning out of craft activities, especially if they are well structured. They sound as though they're going to make her hate school if they're always setting her work she can't finish and denying her access to more enjoyable activities as an incentive that doesn't work.

If you're upset because you don't get a card then yabu. If she's not bothered then for gods sake don't make her feel bad by getting worked up!

If she's upset (and not just because you've made a big deal of it) then yanbu but it's really not worth getting worked up about. Just give her some craft stuff and get her to make you one tomorrow.

It would've been nice if they had dedicated time for making cards, not just if they finished their work. But the teacher obviously felt that what she was teaching them was more important than a card. And given how much emphasis there is on literacy and numeracy, I can't criticise a teacher for focusing on work. There could be reasons why the card wasn't a focus such as children without mothers.

I think that is a really unkind thing to do to a 5 year old. It could have been incorporated into an art activity for the whole class. I used to let my Y6s make cards if they wanted to.

Is your child actually upset by this, or just you OP?