School refusing to let 5 year old make Mother's Day card

[islandmummy]

Just that really. Mother's Day cards are apparently a privilege which the children (yr1) were allowed to make if they had time after doing everything else they were set. DD is struggling a bit at school (being investigated for possible SEN) and ran out of time trying to finish the expected work of the day. AIBU to be upset? I couldn't care less for all the things money could buy to make Mother's Day expensive special, all I wanted was a handmade card We've been spoken to by her teacher a few times with concerns about her not doing all the work they want her to - I can't help but feel this is my punishment for her not doing what they want her to! I get that they need to focus on schoolwork but at 5?? Couldn't they have worked this into their learning somehow so everyone came home with "something"?

I would also say that making these cards as a lesson activity can be v insensitive. Some children do not have a mum to give the card to. I am always v careful about anything related to family. I have children in my class who live with foster carers or may not have their mum in the family home. Why would I want to draw attention to this in school?

Making Mother's Day cards isn't on the National Curriculum.

What a sad world when 5 year olds aren't working fast enough or hard enough.

It's very mean to let some children make them and others not. My 5 year old son would have been very upset by that.

In most European countries children don't start formal education until 6 or 7. We really are screwing up a generation here.

Don't worry, the card making production line will be going full throttle next week. Cutting, sticking, handprints etc in the shape of bunnies, chicks, flower baskets. She'll get her turn then.

And yet you seem to be more bothered about it not being fair on you - I'm not so sympathetic about that
That was why I thought that the OP had her priorities all wrong, because all SHE wanted was a handmade card and that she said "I can't help but feel this is my punishment for her not doing what they want her to!"

If she had said she felt sorry for her DD I might have felt differently but this whole post smacks of me, me, me!!

I think those of you saying the OP is BU are misunderstanding.
She is not haaving a hissy fit about not getting a Mother's day card FGS.
She is quite rightly upset that her daughter has been singled out and punished just for being slow. At 5!!!!
To those of you going on about 'academic work for 5-yr-olds'- do you even know what you are talking about?
The teachers on these thread(like me) do and do not appear to agree at all with this teacher's behaviour.
OP - I would worry about this school's philosophy and the be very concerned that the teacher does not have your daughter's best interests at heart.

my dc are very clever but extraordinarily slow. They all have high IQ but work in slooooow motion. It's really not a choice, nor something they can change overnight, but we are constantly trying to improve things.

Actually being punished, or denied treats or other nice things, like making cards, add to the frustration and feelings of low self esteem and show a remarkable lack of understanding and empathy on the part of the teachers

I would definitely ask for a meeting and ask them to look at ways in supporting her. Have you read much about slow processing speed?

ps - yes the concern about making Mother's day card at all is one I share.

She is not haaving a hissy fit about not getting a Mother's day card FGS
There is no mention in the OP of the DD being upset about not making a card, which to me seems odd.

Instead it is all about how the OP feels because she didn't get a card and that is what she wanted.

What kind of card making was it? One where bespoke resources were provided and an input was given or one where children just used bits of stuff to make their own cards later in the day?

If they are doing them last thing on Friday it implies it wasn't a whole class planned activity, rather something that those who wished could do?

It's a bit mean for a 5 year old. I expect she feels a bit sad knowing she wasn't able to make one for you especially if she saw other children making them.

I understand being given fun stuff if you finish your work, but if it's a special thing for you mummy it's a bit different and think it should have been done in art lessons or not at all.

Having a card made at school isn't an entitlement. If they chose not to do this then that is fine- it is also fine of they decide to make them.

The op is clearly upset because her child is struggiling at school some people have an empathy bypass today the child is 5 years old she doesn't need punished but support. Teacher could have let the 5 year olds colour in not make bloody mothers day cards

She won't have been singled out and this would have been a filler activity with card paper and pencils for the children to do if they wanted, no biggie. Your family will be able to help her make something nicer. Some schools, like mine, have had a proper Mother's Day card-making afternoon, there is no way that anyone would be left out if it was timetabled in.

YANBU. If there is a particularly fun activity or treat, all children should be able to take part. They should have allowed all of them some time.

Surely it is more important for your child to finish her actual school work than for you to get a card??

I can't understand your priorities at all.

And I can't understand yours! She's 5 FFS, trust me - this is not going to affect her Uni application

And leaving OP out of it, you don't need to a child psychologist to realise that she will have felt left out/punished/less than/[insert adjective of choice]. I'd be very pissed off if this happened to my child.

OP Is there another adult relative who could help get supplies and help her do her own tomm? Wont' remedy the yukky feelings above but she'd likely love to do that, I know all of mine did at that age

MrsBob me too! Always spent playtime redoing my handwriting because I was so messy. (Not bitter at all, oh no!)

But poor kid - she's 5 years old! It does seem a horrible decision on the part of the teacher. I just don't understand the posters saying "but her education must come first" - it's year one, not fucking A levels! Agree with the suggestion to get her some craft stuff tomorrow and get another family member/friend to help her out making it.

@Cansu I just saw a gay friend & he said that Mother's Day is always very difficult for his partner & their son. They are brilliant parents to their son.

Thank goodness the teacher on the thread thinks this is really mean. It's nothing to do the OP desperate for a card or being over protective of her child. It's the class teacher that is ridiculous and very mean that some children made them and the slower ones were deprived. Time should have been set aside for the children to make the cards regardless of "academic" work - these are 5 year olds FGS! My DIL is a deputy head at a primary school and she was horrified and if it were in her school she's be wanting an urgent meeting with the teacher concerned.

Very mean thing to do to a 5 year old. The curriculum is not and should not be the only thing a child learns at primary school. Creativity is important and so is the pleasure of making something nice for someone you love. At DS 8 primary they all make cards for Easter, Mothers' day, Fathers' day etc . They also have a sale organised by PTA to buy a present for mum and a doughnut for dad (donated by parents). Teachers are well aware of those who are without a mum or dad and cards can be made for whoever is looking after the child.

Cansu and BigGreen - I've been a single parent since pregnancy. Maybe I've been really lucky, but both nursery and school have always been really sensitive about this - letting DS make cards for grandad for father's day, for instance. Thank heavens some schools are good about this.

I haven't read the whole thread but I think this is dreadful. If we were talking about a random picture the fast workers had been able to draw on Friday afternoon while the other kids were finishing off other work, it probably wouldn't matter. But this is a Mother's Day card! The school has arranged matters so that the fast workers, the kids who find it all easy and race through their work, can make a card for their mums, and the others, who at FIVE YEARS OLD, are still struggling with some things, don't get to do that! What effect does that have on these tiny children's self-esteem?

My children are in their 20s now. At five years old, my son would have been one of the fast group and my daughter very definitely wouldn't. (For those with a child in a similar position, I want to reassure you that this doesn't mean they won't catch up. Fast forward nearly 20 years and my daughter is the one with a First Class Honours degree, doing a Master's and hoping to progress to a Ph.D.) At five years old in most parts of the world children WOULD NOT BE IN FORMAL EDUCATION. In my view they shouldn't be anywhere.

I would have been apoplectic if this had happened to my daughter. My blood is boiling on your behalf and your daughter's, OP.

They certainly seem bent on making learning an unpleasant experience for your DD.

I am a teacher and my blood is boiling too. If children are to be 'punished' at all , or 'rewarded' it should not be for speed. Children who have potentially rushed their work have been given a nice activity. Children who are slow (whether because of SEN or because of general slowness) are not having a lovely activity.

I don't care whether the OP is being precious or not, this is really mean spirited and sets up so many issues for later schooling.

The ONLY children who should have fun activities withdrawn form them at aged 5 are children who have done something disruptive or unkind.

(Although I do always wonder what schools do with the Mother's Day obsession with any poor souls who are motherless... or with children who have tow mums, etc etc : but that's another thread!)

I FULLY expect my child to come back with a very bad MD card form school. I will be upset if this does not happen. You are MEANT to be a bit selfish on Mother's Day!!!