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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to think he should've offered to contribute?

58 replies

KinkyAfro · 21/03/2017 17:03

My car is in the garage, it's going to cost around £500 at the moment which includes the MOT which just happens to be due. There might also be a further cost if any other work needs doing for the MOT. The car is in my name, I pay for it, the insurance for me and DP, tax, tyres etc., and i use it for work. At the weekends we go out together in this car and/or DP uses it if he's got errands to run. DP doesn't have any other vehicle costs, he has a works van and a fuel card. I've told him how much the repairs etc will cost and that it's going to be a frugal time until next pay day. He's very sympathetic but didn't offer to contribute...AIBU to think he might've offered?

OP posts:
ZilphasHatpin · 21/03/2017 17:04

Why did you even wait for him to offer? Just tell him "your share is £250, I'll need it by X date"

MrsHathaway · 21/03/2017 17:05

Yanbu since he has use of it.

Does he pay for the fuel he uses when he's driving your car? Presumably he can't put that on the card if not for work.

Bluntness100 · 21/03/2017 17:05

Do you live together and share finances?

CaptainMarvelDanvers · 21/03/2017 17:05

Ask him

ImperialBlether · 21/03/2017 17:05

What a tight man. You pay for his insurance, he drives it, but doesn't want to contribute to the upkeep? Sod that.

Is he always tight?

rightsofwomen · 21/03/2017 17:06

It really depends on how you split your living costs.

I am of the mind that couples pool their money for all general expenses and then have a certain amount for their personal use.

TheNaze73 · 21/03/2017 17:07

Do you share finances?

Original poster
KinkyAfro · 21/03/2017 17:07

It just seems to be our car until something needs paying for, but as everything is in my name and if we split I'd obviously keep the car. I wasn't sure if I should expect anything?

OP posts:
rightsofwomen · 21/03/2017 17:08

How long have you been together?
This seems quite a fundamental issue.

CaptainMarvelDanvers · 21/03/2017 17:08

He should be at the very least paying for his insurance

Original poster
KinkyAfro · 21/03/2017 17:09

No, we don't share finances and he's never tight with his money at any other time, just didn't know if I was unreasonable to expect him to offer

OP posts:
Original poster
KinkyAfro · 21/03/2017 17:10

It's not separate insurance, only cost about 20 quid extra to put him on the policy

OP posts:
MrsHathaway · 21/03/2017 17:11

For reference, when DH and I were living together but before we were married, he had a car and I didn't. He paid all the car upkeep and I never drove it. I can only think of a handful of times he drove me somewhere he wasn't also going. I paid my bus fares and he paid car costs. It felt like totally separate personal expenses. Like when he later had a boat don't bloody ask which I had no interest in and which he paid for out of his personal account not the joint account.

A car that's "ours" to use but only yours to pay for is a totally different thing.

Original poster
KinkyAfro · 21/03/2017 17:12

Been together 9 years, split briefly for a month recently but decided to give it another go

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 21/03/2017 17:15

I think, given the update, that he doesn't see you as a couple. He doesn't care, either, that you're going to face a huge bill of a kind he'll never face simply because he's lucky enough to have a work vehicle, and despite the fact that he uses the car too.

His heart's not in it, OP.

Chloe84 · 21/03/2017 17:17

He's taking the piss. he should pay a third at least of all costs (inc petrol) as he benefits from the car at weekends.

Does he ever pay for parking or is it then your car too?

Can you share more detail about finances? Do you live together?

IamFriedSpam · 21/03/2017 17:22

Even if you're not sharing finances or living together it's a bit tight to share the car and not contribute anything towards upkeep. I wouldn't necessarily expect half (presumably the car's in your name and you'd keep it if you split) but a contribution would be fair.

Original poster
KinkyAfro · 21/03/2017 17:26

He'll pay for petrol if we're going long distance and wouldn't leave it empty but would just offer to fill up any other time.

We do live together, earn about the same, split everything 50/50, got about the same savings.

Hoping his heart is in it Imperial we've just put an offer on a house!

OP posts:
amberdillyduck · 21/03/2017 17:27

Do you live together?

amberdillyduck · 21/03/2017 17:27

Sorry- cross posted

WindyBottoms · 21/03/2017 17:28

He contributes to the wear and tear, so he should contribute to the cost of the car's maintenance and upkeep.

Was his "I'm alright, Jack" attitude by any chance a contributing factor in your initial decision to split up in the first place?

Miserylovescompany2 · 21/03/2017 17:31

Don't wait for him to offer, ask him directly for his contribution. I think a third is reasonable?

MrsHathaway · 21/03/2017 17:37

Don't buy a house with him until you've worked this out ... or certainly until you have cast in stone who is reasonable for what costs.

And don't get pregnant without more financial openness, whatever you do. The house expenses discussion needs to include "what if baby".

Lostwithinthehills · 21/03/2017 17:45

If he doesn't want to contribute to this bill and you are going to be £500 light this month then you will have to point out that you won't be able to afford to share food bills and any other daily expenses. I assume your dp wouldn't see you go hungry or without fuel to get to work. He'll find he has supported you to the tune of £250 by the end of the month.......

Firesuit · 21/03/2017 17:46

When I was keeping score with the marital finances, I decided that my outgoings on the car weren't a joint expense. This was because the car was necessary to get me to and from work. I regard any trips at the weekend as incidental. Mind you, my commuting was 280 miles a week, and weekend usage was seldom more than 5 miles, so it really was the case that nearly all the wear and tear was due to my commuting use.

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