Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to decline job offer

35 replies

Radoxqueen · 20/03/2017 16:35

Im a single parent and have been looking for full time work for a couple of months since my last contract ended- I claim income support and child tax credits.

I've recently been to a interview which I passed and got the job starting The end of April, full time, 40 hours. It's quite a long commute away around 90 mins on public transport and catching busses.

The problem is my son has special educational needs along with behavioural problems and suspected dyspraxia. He's had a Psych Ed report in which they've outlined he needs quite a bit additional support outside school, such as occupational therapy, language therapy, behavioural therapy and camh's. Along with this when the class goes on school trips he usually has to stay home with me due to him not following instructions and health and safety.

He received DLA and im just wondering if it would really be unreasonable to decline the job and apply for carers allowance and focus on my son until I feel he's got the help he needed?

OP posts:
butteredbanana · 20/03/2017 16:38

It sounds too much. If it were me,ld concentrate on organising my son first. Mainly as l don't think you'd relax until things were in place.
Well done for getting the job though, and good luck finding a way through.

897654321abcvrufhfgg · 20/03/2017 16:42

School r failing your child. No child should ever be excluded for the reasons you give. If I was you I would speak to school about their inclusion policy. Your child's education is just as important as every other child's.

Original poster
Radoxqueen · 20/03/2017 16:49

Sorry for misunderstanding he wasn't excluded- just due to his behaviour and health and safety he just isn't able to go on some of the trips so therefore he would have to stay home with me for the day.

OP posts:
MissAdaSmith · 20/03/2017 16:53

I have a child with very complex needs and one with milder SN. no way I would be able to work full time. My main problem though is childcare for my severely disabled DD. there is nothing available for my child and I am limited to school hours. If childcare was available I'd go back fulltime in a heartbeat as being on carer's allowance or only working part-time is seriously shit financially and we are constantly counting the pennies. No holiday, no treats... just surviving financially.
If appointments are your only concern I would maybe give it a try? You don't mention childcare so I just guess this would not be an issue. having 2 children 'in the system', I can assure you that there won't be a lot of appointments and the few that will come can probably be easily covered by AL. you are also entitled to unpaid parental leave. It is a total of 18 weeks to be use by the time your child turns 18 (it's 5 years for children without disabilities).

MissAdaSmith · 20/03/2017 16:55

also, does your DS have an EHCP? if not would persue this. school should really provide support on trips as well. they cannot just exclude him

lasttimeround · 20/03/2017 17:01

Carers allowance is not very generous. Do your sums. But full time work may also not be doable

Original poster
Radoxqueen · 20/03/2017 17:02

Childcare would be a issue - this is one of the main reason I was Thinking of declining the job as I see how much the school struggle and just can't imagine a after school club being able to deal with him.

I'm have talked to the school about a EHCP, they were just waiting for Psyh Ed reports before going forward with that, which we've just received last week, so hopefully that's the next step.

OP posts:
lavenderandrose · 20/03/2017 17:03

I would think very carefully about this given the current situation re benefits

Original poster
Radoxqueen · 20/03/2017 17:03

If I decline this job I will be looking for part time work a bit nearer to home.

OP posts:
user1489943514 · 20/03/2017 17:04

I wouldn't decline. I did just that and I'm now feeling completely brain dead without a job. Literally depressed and I'm doing anything I can to gain full time employment again.

Not many people can be happy in a house all day not speaking to anyone.

MissAdaSmith · 20/03/2017 17:06

sometimes you won't know if something is working until you try.

Have you been out of work for long? if so I would take it, see how I get on. once you are working you can always apply for other roles (also P/T) but the longer you are out of work the harder it is to go back. I would take this chance. I know it is hard. I have 2 with SN. Even part time is sometimes hell as I have a non sleeper but much better than relying on benefits if you can help it.

SpikyFish · 20/03/2017 17:10

Just to go against the grain here ... my child has dyspraxia/sees OT and has speech therapy (has also in the past seen physiotherapist). I work full time

MissAdaSmith · 20/03/2017 17:11

also, school hour jobs are very hard to find. I have one and it took me over 1.5 years and 200 applications to get one (and I have a fairly strong CV without gaps - competition for these jobs is insane).

SpikyFish · 20/03/2017 17:11

All I am saying is that it can be done and to be honest it helps to have something else to think about other than thinking 24/7 about your childs issues

StealthPolarBear · 20/03/2017 17:12

Not in the slightest you need to do what is best for you and your son.

Astro55 · 20/03/2017 17:15

competition for these jobs is insane).

Why more employers aren't tapping into these hours I'll never know!!

40 hours plus 15 commute is a long week! I'd decline and look for something with less hours unless you have really good support

Megatherium · 20/03/2017 17:19

Things like occupational therapy, behavioural therapy and speech and language therapy should all be special educational provision supplied in school. If the school can't do it, then your son should have an Education Health and Care Plan which will provide them with the necessary funding - in fact it very much sounds as if they should have applied for this already without waiting for an Educational Psychology report. Don't wait for them to get around to it, start the application yourself: there's information on the IPSEA and SOS SEN websites about how to do that.

And your child absolutely is being excluded if he's not allowed to go on school trips because of his SEN - that's discrimination on the grounds of disability. The school should make reasonable adjustments, which in his case I suspect would be providing someone to supervise him 1:1 on the trips. If there is genuinely a good reason why they can't do that - and frankly I can't think of one - then they should be providing him with education in school, not expecting him to stay home. The bottom line is that the's entitled to full time education, and that includes going on educational school trips. Every time they told you to keep him at home, that was an illegal exclusion. I would suggest you have a discussion with them where you point out his entitlement to full time education and say that you won't be keeping him home any more at their request and that you expect them to comply with their duty to make reasonable adjustments so that your son can be fully included in all educational activities supplied to non-disabled pupils.

Original poster
Radoxqueen · 20/03/2017 17:19

I've been out of work since just before Christmas, I do like the idea of going back to work just for my own sanity but as for the money side it's still a struggle even in full time work as I have four children, I just can't imagine being a good employee if I'm constantly being pulled into the school and to appointments

OP posts:
Original poster
Radoxqueen · 20/03/2017 17:22

Megatherium thanks for your advice, I have no experience with SEN so still trying to work it all out. I have a meeting tomorrow at the school and I'll definitely bring this up.

OP posts:
SpikyFish · 20/03/2017 17:27

I agree Megatherium

MargoChanning · 20/03/2017 17:28

Not unreasonable at all. Only you know what your sons needs are. A full time job plus long commute plus no partner to contribute to finances is a lot to take on.

But - and being devils advocate here - a good job is hard to find. Perhaps you could give it a go and see how you get on? Are they a family friendly company? Could you feasibly reduce your hours to part time after a year? Are part time jobs in the sector you want to work in easy to find?

Hopefully with an EHCP he will have teaching assistants who can also accompany him on school trips. If your local authority turn him down for an EHCP - and they often do, as they did in my daughters case until I went through mediation with them - IPSEA are a great supportive charity.

Original poster
Radoxqueen · 20/03/2017 17:29

I did actually ask the school about EHCP a while ago but they said to wait for reports Confused

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 20/03/2017 17:31

Depends on the money. IS and CA don't leave much to buy these services privately.

MargoChanning · 20/03/2017 17:32

And yes, your child is being illegally excluded, as Mega says.

This article is old but I would think the principles remain the same.

www.ipsea.org.uk/news/2001-2010/school-discriminated-against-disabled-child-by-excluding-him-from-swimming-club-and-school-trip

Nanna50 · 20/03/2017 17:32

40 hours work, 15 hours travel, you will be out of the house almost 12 hours a day. Who is going to look after your children? I would say claim the Carers Allowance and look for some part time work nearer home or do voluntary work , a good organisation can also provide training.

Swipe left for the next trending thread