Friend not allowed to play due to odd remark.

[lessthanBeau]

If a friend banned your child from their house for 3 weeks as a punishment because her child said that your child said it was becoming a habit visiting them every Monday. Friend didn't actually hear the conversation, so only has her 7 yr olds word about how it was said or meant, to go on, What would you think/say?

Would ybu to tell her to shove her friendship where the sun don't shine or go along with said punishment?

I don't get why calling it a habit is a bad thing!

Have you spoken to your child about it?

I'd distance myself.

They sound a bit weird.

As my grandmother would have said "Nowt so strange as folks"

Actually, she would have said queer but strange is what she meant.

Certainly wouldn't be in any rush to go back once my three week banishment was over!!

Who is being punished here?

So your child said to friend 'it's becoming a habit then I come to your house every Monday'. Friend told her mum, mum has banned your child from their house. Is that right?

Do you send your child round there every Monday? Maybe they're pissed off you don't take your turn at hosting?

It's not my child, it's my nephew, he said he doesn't even remember saying it, and even if he did , it's his friends house, it wouldn't have been in a derogatory manner. The point of the punishment is to make sure he doesn't take the visit for granted.

The punishment has actually backfired as dn isn't that bothered, and his friend is the one missing out. He said "I don't care about teaching dn a lesson anymore, I miss him coming to play" so his mother has relented and said he's now allowed to go again.
I'm just so furious on my sil behalf, it feels like bullying to me.

What did you say to your friend when she told you about the 3 week ban?

Both mother and son go, have a cuppa etc, after school, sil does not expect anything, and bends over backwards for some people.

This is...a...weird thing. I don't get it? The child's mother sounds like a bit of a whack job.

Cross post! How does your SIL feel about the whole thing? If your DN isn't bothered I wouldn't be inclined to send him if I were her. The friend can't just pick and choose times like that-and if her child is missing your DN, the friend should have thought of that before imposing the ban for a non-reason.

The mother's unhinged.

I said , "tell the freak to fuck right off and you won't ever darken their door again". But she won't.
My sil doesn't have many friends, and this women is starting to take the piss tbh. Funny thing is dn is her DS only friend, she doesn't like it if dn plays with other boys at school. So takes it out on sil.

In your SIL's place I think I'd take the opportunity for your DN to spend time with other friends during the three weeks.

Taking for granted seems to be working one way here, and it isn't your DN or his friend, it's the friend's mother thinking she can treat your DN like that and have him running back for more of the same.

It sounds to me like the other Mum has read too many Mumsnet threads about not letting people take advantage of you and has taken it a bit too much to heart.

I'm sorry but I don't understand what's happened. Who banned your dn?

We have loads of children here for play dates, the more the merrier. However, if I thought a child was assuming they would come here every Friday, I might deliberately not be available for a week or two, to avoid getting into a pattern. I think that's reasonable. Perhaps that's all that is happening here?

I'd certainly be using the opportunity to let my DC cultivate other friendships if he was mine.

Your SIL needs to back away slowly. Her 'friend' is weird if you ask me.

I wouldn't stop the kids being friends but this mum sounds seriously weird and unpleasant. It doesn't sound like what your DN said was at all rude - why on earth she felt the need to "punish" him is beyond me. I'd probably have the other DC to mine as much as possible rather than the other way round.

WeLovePancakes I agree shaking things up a bit to avoid a pattern developing is sensible. A complete three week ban, as is the case here, is OTT.

Your SIL's friend is - odd. I'd be inclined to suggest to SIL that she tells her 'friend' that she no longer feels welcome and would prefer not to come round. Otherwise, she risks being pushed around at this '"friend's" whims. Not a good place to be.

I'd definitely not be going back round at all until 'friend' had apologised for punishing her son for something that did not merit punishment.

it would depend on context (and how much was done in return and how much tidying up was done afterwards)

I had a kid who used to come every Thursday, he was literally treating my house like a doss house and wasn't being kind to my son. So we stopped it, because I am not beholden to a habit when it's being abused if you see what I mean. Some time apart was beneficial, the habit's broken now too.