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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let my 4y/o child go?

33 replies

Nessie100 · 14/03/2017 16:32

So, teacher rang me. Seems a parent wants my number to invite my (pre-school) son for playdate. He's 4+. My son has mentioned her son, but not consistantly so I don't know how close they really are.

We live in a small village, he goes to pre-school in the next village (about 10km away). I don't know her, teacher doesn't really know her, hubby doesn't know her & my friend that knows 'everyone' doesn't know her.

I am delighted that he is getting invite, but AIBU not to let him go? I am not normally a nervous parent, and am all for him trying new things, but I don't know anything about her / the family.

A bit of background before you reply - my son has potentially fatal food allergies & carries epipens, I don't think she is aware of this, but I don't want to use it as an excuse, or make her feel bad if she wants to take back the invite once she finds out.

How do I make us all happy about this?

OP posts:
HopeInaTube · 14/03/2017 16:33

Could you go along too ?

Cakescakescakes · 14/03/2017 16:33

Why don't you go with him first time?

witsender · 14/03/2017 16:34

I wouldn't expect a 4 yr old to go alone, i would expect to go too.

TheTantrumCometh · 14/03/2017 16:34

I would assume that the invite would include you at that age.

Cel982 · 14/03/2017 16:35

At that age (pre-school) I'd say you'd be expected to go too, especially the first time.

TropicPlunder · 14/03/2017 16:36

Go for the first time, or even the first hour. You could may be day it's because he really wants to go but is nervous. I live in a country where playdates without parents is normal for preschoolers. I'm now happy for my 3 year old to go, but I got to know the parents /nanny first

RebelRogue · 14/03/2017 16:40

At that age,most playdates include parents as well.

Cheerybigbottom · 14/03/2017 16:43

I'd expect you to come with him if I'd invited him over. However you could invite the child & parent to your house?

Original poster
Nessie100 · 14/03/2017 16:59

If he was going to one of my girlfriends houses I probably wouldn't go & he wouldn't care less Wink.

It's the fact that absolutely no-one I do know knows her & what if she really isn't someone I would get along with Sad.

Also, another boy is being invited. Whom I cannot bloody stand & who's mother bugs the complete & utter sh..e out of me. But he will be in a different school next year so I allow it at the minute (he used to bully & shove / slap my son until my fella learned to tell him to go away and now he hangs around like a fly on sh..e trying to be friends with him Confused)

OP posts:
clippityclop · 14/03/2017 16:59

I'd assume I was invited too - four's to young to be left at a stranger's house. How about calling the mum and suggesting up meet up at a playground/cafe/ library instead?

Olympiathequeen · 14/03/2017 17:00

I wouldn't let my young child go to a strangers house. Why would anyone?

blankmind · 14/03/2017 17:03

Thank her and invite her and her child to yours for their first playdate. When she arrives, make sure she's aware of your son's allergies and how serious they are and tell her you'd prefer to supervise any food and drink he's given until she's totally competent and knows how to use an epipen.

tinypop4 · 14/03/2017 17:03

With respect does it matter if you get along with the mum? You might hit it off, and if you don't then just have a cuppa while your boys play for an hour.

A1Sharon · 14/03/2017 17:03

This is how you make friends and your DC develop friendships in school. It is handy to have other parents that you know, you don't have to best friends, but it is handy if you're ever running late/need help with homework/can't remember what the time table is or whatever.
I would provide your number and when she rings just make the meet up for you all. Explain about the pens etc. My DC3 has epipens too, she will appreciate you going over it all with her!

blankmind · 14/03/2017 17:04

Missed your update, three is a crowd, don't let him go, arrange something at yours for oer and her son only.

blankmind · 14/03/2017 17:04

oer = her

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 14/03/2017 17:05

Best to speak to her on the phone first. Explain your son's allergies and perhaps ask if you could stay for a coffee and chat for a while when you drop him off?
Alternatively, if she rings, invite her to meet you at a park or soft play for an hour with your sons instead? That would be a chance to get to know each other better.

dylsmimi · 14/03/2017 17:06

If that's your attitude towards another 4 yr old I would arrange to meet the first mum in the park or something. The poor woman was trying to do something nice and get her sons friends together and if you turn up is going to get your attitude and it will be awkward and awful for her

Pinkkahori · 14/03/2017 17:07

The same thing happened when dd1 was in pre-school. DD also has allergies but not to the same extent as your son.
When the little girl invited dd I said she could go and we got directions to their house. When we got there I said that I would like to stay and the mum was delighted. We had a lovely afternoon and even though our dds went on to different schools we are still friends.

Astro55 · 14/03/2017 17:07

She maybe new to the area - wants to make friends - wants her son to be socialised and have friends round!

Are you a clique mum? Why ask around wouldn't occur to me at all!!

Go you might just meet a new friend

Original poster
Nessie100 · 14/03/2017 17:08

We live in an area with lots of country schools, this boy won't be going to same 'big school' as mine A1.

But I think the suggestion of inviting them here might be the way to go Smile.

OP posts:
ChasedByBees · 14/03/2017 17:09

I invited lots of friends over at this age. I always expected the parent to attend too.

Original poster
Nessie100 · 14/03/2017 17:12

What's a clique mum Astro? Ive never heard of it.

dylsmimi I swear I would never let a child or parent feel uncomfortable with regards to how I feel about the child. He has been around for the last 3 years & my husband is the only one who knows how I feel. Not even the childminder we both use is aware.

OP posts:
justpeachy74 · 14/03/2017 17:17

4 is a bit young to go solo to a barely known friend's house.

BhajiAllTheWay · 14/03/2017 17:29

I'd not bat an eyelid if a parent wanted to accompany their child on a playdate ( well now I would as mine are teensGrin) . Either ask if you can come along or invite to yours instead. Better than worrying about the allergies and not knowing the parents. They are still very little at 4.