To not let my 4y/o child go?

[Nessie100]

So, teacher rang me. Seems a parent wants my number to invite my (pre-school) son for playdate. He's 4+. My son has mentioned her son, but not consistantly so I don't know how close they really are.

We live in a small village, he goes to pre-school in the next village (about 10km away). I don't know her, teacher doesn't really know her, hubby doesn't know her & my friend that knows 'everyone' doesn't know her.

I am delighted that he is getting invite, but AIBU not to let him go? I am not normally a nervous parent, and am all for him trying new things, but I don't know anything about her / the family.

A bit of background before you reply - my son has potentially fatal food allergies & carries epipens, I don't think she is aware of this, but I don't want to use it as an excuse, or make her feel bad if she wants to take back the invite once she finds out.

How do I make us all happy about this?

Definitely don't send him alone, if I invited a 4 yr old for a first playdate and their mum didn't stay I would not be happy! So you can either say no (rude! And she might be lovely), or pop in for an hour and stay with him, or perhaps meet up elsewhere eg playground near preschool

I think you're making it into a way bigger deal than it needs to be. Just explain the allergies and say you'd like to come too.

Yeah, I moved to a village when my son was 2 where people had your attitude (I don't know her, nor does my friend, I might not like her...), and found it very hard to get anyone to do play dates, even when the kids were clearly getting on great.
Very few people drop off a 4 yo for a play date, you should stay, so the issue of leaving with a stranger is a non issue; and you should try being reasonably friendly to new people you don't know - presumably the friends you have were once people you didn't know?!

Yes oh, I only moved here myself when son was born & I knew absolutely no-one but people knew my then partner, now hubby.

I made friends through parent / toddler group.

The not knowing her is not a major issue, but I do like to be at least aware of people. I have 1 friend whom I adore but no way in hell would my son be in that house without me as her husband gives off a vibe I do not like & I tend to go with my instincts. But yes, I am perfectly civil to him.

I don't believe I worded it correctly when I said I might not like her. I meant I tend to trust my gut & if I do not feel comfortable what would I do then?

But as most of you pointed out, it is perfectly acceptable for me to be there or invite here, so that's what I will do .

Here it would be assumed that the parent wasn't going to accompany the child. I felt a bit odd about it too at first but unless I wanted my children socially excluded I had to live with it. As long as they wanted to go, I have let them.

If you're going to stay I'd let her know in advance, I'd appreciate a heads up as I might have things to do and I'd tidy up a bit more if the parent was coming!

Re the epi pen, I'd ask her how she feels about it and would she prefer you to stay.

Agree with going.
Found this interesting as I don't know many parents at pre-school as dh does drop and pick up at speed of light to sort work so no playground chatting.
At pick up DD is always playing the the same girl and dh wants to put a note to her mum asking her for a play date but I wondered if it was a bit stalkerish!

It's not stalkerish - it's the way connections are made! Put the note in!

Age 4 I would assume I was also invited along for a coffee while the kids play.

I also have a dd with allergies and epipens and would be nervous for that reason too.

But not knowing them is also absolutely a good enough reason! Doesn't mean because she is a mum that she is trustworthy!