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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have tidied dsd's room...

38 replies

steppinstone · 14/03/2017 11:28

Dsd is 18 and until now we have been very hands-off letting her keep her room however she likes.

However it is now smelling so badly that even with two doors shut between her room and the house we can still smell it. (Laundry and bedding mainly.) She has also been complaining of fleas. (Cat got in there a while back - not a problem anywhere else in the house though.)

We told her last weekend that we would have to clean it. She didn't seem bothered. DH did it last weekend.

She has gone ballistic and is staying with friends. There were some - ahem - personal items sex toys she possess that DH put in a drawer but we'd already seen these millions of times as she's left them on her bed for all to see when we've been in to open the window.

DH is upset. I've told him he did the right thing as there is no longer a bad smell and he's hoovered up all the dust and changed the the sheets where no doubt the fleas were living. He's also done all laundry and put it away.

Is he BU for having done this? He feels like dsd won't forgive him!

OP posts:
Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 · 14/03/2017 11:31

The fact the smell was impacting on the rest of the house made it your business to go in and clean it!!
Scruffy madam.

Saltandsauce · 14/03/2017 11:32

She's probably a bit embarrassed, but seriously there's no need to live like that at age 18. I would've been in there as soon as it started to smell tbh!
Genuinely don't think it was unreasonable, hopefully she will learn to tidy up after herself now!

IamFriedSpam · 14/03/2017 11:34

I don't think YABU. I think teenagers should keep their rooms as they like as long as it has no impact on anyone else and isn't causing permanent damage. If it makes the entire house smell that's affecting other people. That said I'd have probably given her a specific time limit and let her know that if it wasn't done by then we were cleaning it.

JonesyAndTheSalad · 14/03/2017 11:35

If there were fleas in her room, they'll be elsewhere.

Allthebestnamesareused · 14/03/2017 11:35

Hopefully now she will not that such bad hygiene will not be tolerated. If she wishes to prevent a reoccurrence then she can keep it clean herself.

No apologies to her! This is how it will be!

JonesyAndTheSalad · 14/03/2017 11:35

They get in carpets and anything soft. They lay and return ten fold.

DomesticDisgrace · 14/03/2017 11:38

Exact same thing happened to me at that age, embarrassing etc but I got over it!

Noodoodle · 14/03/2017 11:39

Did the cat not go through the rest of the house before getting to her room?? Yanbu to clean if it's stinking but she should have done it. Aside from that, if she had/has fleas in her room they are definitely in the rest of the house. I'd be turning it upside down to clean as soon as I heard about them, they don't stick to dirty rooms, they go EVERYWHERE. Yabu for not de-flea-ing the whole house.

Original poster
steppinstone · 14/03/2017 11:42

The cats occasionally bring a flea or two in but the rest of the house is extremely clean (no carpets or curtains) due to other dc allergies. So nowhere for them to 'live' and the cats are defleaed every three months anyway. I suspect the cat brought one or two in and theve multiplied in dsd's room? (Having said that, DH didn't see any anyway)

OP posts:
Original poster
steppinstone · 14/03/2017 11:43

Domesticdisgrace your username made me smile...! How long did it take to get over it?!

OP posts:
lalalalyra · 14/03/2017 11:44

Unless your DSD's room is completely separate from the rest of the house then there will be fleas elsewhere in your house.

Original poster
steppinstone · 14/03/2017 11:46

There is no evidence of fleas elsewhere. But I Hoover everyday anyway as per the above. I've always found that keeps them at bay.

OP posts:
GirlElephant · 14/03/2017 11:48

That's absolutely disgusting & at 18 she should be ashamed!

morningconstitutional2017 · 14/03/2017 11:54

I would have thought that at 18 years of age she should be capable of doing her own cleaning or am I missing something?

If she had left home and lived in something like a student's halls or nurses' home the warden would have had a word with her, along the lines of, "Clean up or move out."

Most of us are familiar with 'floordrobes' but a smell that pervades the rest of the house is going too far.

Rainydayspending · 14/03/2017 12:08

Does she pay rent? If yes she has a thin (to see through) point (and I'd lay it on thick about the real rental world and evictions for such treatment of property). If not she needs to know it's not her house and dhe needs to show respect for that space. Other than that, does she have a problem with personal care? Is she depressed? I'd be looking for ither warnings of ill health.

FourKidsNotCrazyYet · 14/03/2017 12:08

If you told her it was happening and she wasn't against it then fine. It's your house and to have a room that is festering is not on.

RainbowChasing · 14/03/2017 12:11

Revolting. She needs to learn to look after herself, her personal hygiene and the cleanliness of her surroundings. You were right to tackle the room. It sounds vile.

At uni I once lived with a girl like this. There were dirty plates with moldy old food on them all over the place. The bedding wasn't changed ever. There were dirty knickers all over the place, and piles and plies of repeatedly worn clothes. The room stank and you could smell it as you walked in the front door. She refused to clean it. My housemates and I took action one weekend when she went to work and completely tidied the room. The worst part was that when cleaning under her bed, amongst all the stink and general foulness one of the girls found a dead, rotting bird. It must have come in through the window and got stuck under the bed amongst the junk and died. Literally the most vile person ever to live with.

WatchingFromTheWings · 14/03/2017 12:15

HWNBU! Maybe she'll learn to keep it tidy in future. In the meantime I'd be placing bets on how long it takes for her friends and their parents to get fed up of her living like a pig in their home!

RubbishMantra · 14/03/2017 12:16

Pop a flea collar inside the vacuum, (not on the cat though, poisonous) Fleas can live in cracks, eg. behind skirting boards. Indorex/Acclaim flea spray, bought online will sort that. Vets charge double the amount.

Definitely not BU to want a non stinky house.

FrancisCrawford · 14/03/2017 12:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LozzaChops101 · 14/03/2017 12:30

Is she ok? Any other issues with looking after herself and her space? Might be worth keeping an eye on her, personal care can be the first to suffer when someone's having a wobbly.

gabsdot · 14/03/2017 12:31

You were dead right. Don't let her come back until she agrees to keep her room clean. Was she not mortified that the smell in her room was spreading all over the house. yuck.

Liska · 14/03/2017 12:33

If she stays with friends for a while, she may find that they also start nagging her to clean up. She'll come round, DH just needs to be patient.

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 14/03/2017 12:34

YANBU. DH was a it unreasonable if he changed the bed - I would have stripped it, sprinkled with bicarbonate and some essential oil then left it for her to remake!

Magicpaintbrush · 14/03/2017 12:37

YANBU for cleaning her room - she should be ashamed at her age leaving it to get so disgusting that it impacts on the rest of the family. I would be sorely tempted to advise her that unless she keeps her room in a reasonable state of cleanliness then she can go rent somewhere else and lump that instead. Teenagers - so bloody unreasonable and self absorbed at times. She has absolutely no right to be getting in a huff, she is in the wrong and needs to bed told.