Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

To have tidied dsd's room...

38 replies

steppinstone · 14/03/2017 11:28

Dsd is 18 and until now we have been very hands-off letting her keep her room however she likes.

However it is now smelling so badly that even with two doors shut between her room and the house we can still smell it. (Laundry and bedding mainly.) She has also been complaining of fleas. (Cat got in there a while back - not a problem anywhere else in the house though.)

We told her last weekend that we would have to clean it. She didn't seem bothered. DH did it last weekend.

She has gone ballistic and is staying with friends. There were some - ahem - personal items sex toys she possess that DH put in a drawer but we'd already seen these millions of times as she's left them on her bed for all to see when we've been in to open the window.

DH is upset. I've told him he did the right thing as there is no longer a bad smell and he's hoovered up all the dust and changed the the sheets where no doubt the fleas were living. He's also done all laundry and put it away.

Is he BU for having done this? He feels like dsd won't forgive him!

OP posts:

heateallthebuns · 14/03/2017 12:39

You are definitely not bu to today her room! Sounds rank!!! She can't live like that when she moves out either!!!

When did this happen? Did you say she had gone to stay at a friends?

EssentialHummus · 14/03/2017 12:42

I'd see the both of you sitting down with her for a "our house, our rules" chat. That's really not acceptable. And the only response to you cleaning her cesspit should be "thank you, sorry about that".

diddl · 14/03/2017 12:44

Staying with friends-wonder if she'll manage to keep clean, tidy & non smelly there?

He did the right thing-she sounds ridiculous.

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 14/03/2017 12:50

I don't think you were in the wrong let her sulk when living with others you have to consider those you live with

The thought of my dad finding sex toys yikes it would be excruciating but she was warned

BarbarianMum · 14/03/2017 12:54

Let her stop with friends and tell her she can only live with you if she observes a basic standard of room hygiene. If she wants to live in stinking filth she needs to find a squat.

scottishdiem · 14/03/2017 13:05

I was a messy teenager and really didnt like parents tidying my room. That said, the state of that room must be bad if the smell was escaping and affecting the rest of the house and if I had been that bad my room would have been stripped bare almost. Your DH did exactly the right thing and she needs to get a grip of her adult self.

BonnyScotland · 14/03/2017 13:05

your Dad finding the sex toy would have me leaving the Country tbh lol x

LexieLulu · 14/03/2017 13:23

Tell her not to worry, you anti bac'd her dildos so they are fresh for action! LOL!

She really should be more private about things like that if she doesn't want to be caught. Putting them away in a box/drawer would have solved this. Its her own fault

OnionKnight · 14/03/2017 13:25

YANBU, she was warned.

Has she no shame? Why would she leave the sex toys on her bed for anybody to see in the first place?

DoingThisRight · 14/03/2017 14:51

Yanbu, what a filthy pig! She should be absolutely ashamed that she's so dirty. And who leaves sex toys lying around ? Don't let her come back till she's had a major attitude and hygiene adjustment. Gross at 18 she should not be so useless.

user1476649634 · 14/03/2017 15:15

I don't believe your husband was wrong for cleaning the bedroom if she was told you would if she didn't.

However, in all honesty, I think you and your husband need to take responsibility for the state of her room too. You have both allowed her to live like this, a habit which she very likely got into when she was a minor and with no consequences it seems.

Just because she is now classed as an adult it doesn't absolve you and your husband for failing to teach her correctly which was your responsibility to her as her parents. Sadly, you are still both failing her by cleaning up the room yourselves rather than making sure that she had done so herself.

I am not saying that this is a huge deal in the grand scheme of things but surely teaching her to take responsibility for herself and the consequences if she doesn't, even if it is a minor issue, is still important.

pointstaken · 14/03/2017 15:22

Wow, you have been amazingly patient. It's your house, there should be rules to be respected.

The main thing is to give a warning, kids are allowed their privacy, but you have done that, so you are entirely right.

I threaten mine to call a cleaner for their room if it starts getting too messy, and charge them for the service (well, take the money from their allowance to be sure I get it). That usually works.

NoWinNoFfi · 14/03/2017 15:58

She'll get over it.

I do think it would have been good to give her a further heads up when DH was going to start tidying; you told her "we" would have to clean it, so maybe she was expecting to be there (and therefore be able to deal with the more embarrassing stuff).

Must have been pretty awful for bedding and clothing smell to spread through the house though, so she can't have too many complaints.

Flip

1 2