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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To borrow from my children's savings accounts?

56 replies

Ladymarmaladeandjam · 08/03/2017 13:03

Things have been particularly tight at the moment. We have family members who pop money in the children's accounts at birthdays/Christmas time.

As I'm currently unable to work in the short term, we have borrowed some of this money and used it for essentials for the children. Once I am working again, the money will be replaced and added to by myself and my husband.

I feel so guilty about the whole scenario.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ladymarmaladeandjam · 08/03/2017 13:14

Also, I should add that DH has just been informed he'll be getting a pay rise in the coming months so we will definitely be able to replace the money.

OP posts:
RiverdaleJughead · 08/03/2017 13:17

If you will pay it back then it's no problem ... you're finding their lifestyle now and making sure they're provided for. Pretty sure I was my parents bank for a while when I wouldn't spend a penny as a kid x

Etak15 · 08/03/2017 13:19

It's fine don't worry.

Trifleorbust · 08/03/2017 13:24

I'm quite sure they would rather eat than have the money! Don't worry at all.

seagazer · 08/03/2017 14:15

Don't worry Op, nothing wrong with that at all. I've done it many times, nothing to be ashamed about at all.

luckylucky24 · 08/03/2017 14:24

I think in cases where the money is needed to get by this is fine.

oldwife · 08/03/2017 14:24

It's fine.

As long as you replace it at some point then it's perfectly fair.

JedBartlet · 08/03/2017 14:26

Absolutely fine. What's the point having savings accounts for the future if they are going without essentials right this moment? Even if you couldn't replace it I think this is fine.

badabeedabom · 08/03/2017 14:27

I've done it before during a really tight period. Paid it back when things were back on track. As long as you replace it I really don't see the issue. (My children are far too young to have control of their own money or even to know that I'm doing it; if they were older I would have to ask them I guess.)

Given that all the money came from me and I'm the one who throws an extra 50 quid in every now and then, I can't see any problem!

JustMarriedBecca · 08/03/2017 14:31

My parents borrowed money from me when I was about 12. I remember they asked and Dad explained they would pay me interest. I thought it was a really good lesson in banking actually.

kineticmagnetic · 08/03/2017 14:40

I have borrowed DD's tooth fairy money (£2) for bus fare many times, as long as it is paid back all is fine.

Usernamegone · 08/03/2017 14:43

As long as you pay it back it is fine. My parents asked to borrow the £500 in my savings account when I was 12 and never gave it back! My dad told me since my mum had asked for it (on behalf of him) that the debt had died with her (6 years later) despite inheriting money, when I demanded the money back as I needed it to pay rent for my first year a uni Shock and still didn't give it back!

Tippexy · 08/03/2017 14:45

My mum took mine and didn't repay it. Why would she?

Akire · 08/03/2017 14:49

I woulnt feel Guilty about it. If I gave a child money as a gift and it was in savings I would want it to be used for something they need if that's clothes or shoes or School trips or Even food fine. Money gifts are not just for toys. If you were buying yourself Booze n fags then ok I would not be happy but I think it's fine.

FarAwayHills · 08/03/2017 15:31

YANBU especially if you are using this for essentials for the children. We have occasionally used money from their accounts to cover quite large bills for extra curricular stuff when things were tight and paid it back. The way I see it the money was given in place of a present and the person who gave it would be happy to see it being put to use in this way. Also with the paltry interest rates and increasing inflation, what they've got won't go far by the time they have access to it anyway.

IadoreEfteling · 08/03/2017 16:03

Lord of course it's OK! Don't worry about it, pay it back another time.

Laiste · 08/03/2017 16:08

I did this a few times when DCs were little. Not massive amounts (because i knew i wouldn't be able to pay massive amounts back) but enough to get a weekly food shop by for the immediate future. It was put back when i could manage it.

The eldest is 23 now and she nor her sisters couldn't care less what i did with some of their her money when they were 6 or 7 !

2410ang · 08/03/2017 16:20

I'm going to throw in an opposing view here gulp as I am a bit torn on this one!

I see the money in my kids savings account as theirs and theirs alone. If I wouldn't take money from someone else's account why would I take from my children?

However, on the basis that it was an absolute essential for my child (and not myself) then I would feel ok about that I think? I would worry though about not being able to put it back if something else happened.

Not very helpful sorry but that's how I see it Confused

Trifleorbust · 08/03/2017 17:42

If I wouldn't take money from someone else's account why would I take from my children?

Because it is FOR her children. If she can't afford to feed them, it would be ridiculous for them to have money and starve, wouldn't it? Hmm

khajiit13 · 08/03/2017 17:54

I've had to do this in the past when things were tight. I replaced it (and added to it considerably!) I'm in a position now where I'm struggling again and in hoping I won't have to drop into it agin. DS is still very young though, he has no idea it exists.

LuxCoDespondent · 08/03/2017 18:07

I agree with 2410ang - the money in a child's account is their money, not the parent's. I can understand why someone who is desperate might need to borrow it, but plenty of parents will "forget" to pay it back later on.

The ethical concerns are many, even assuming it is paid back in full with interest. The relatives who have given the money did not intend it to be the source of a cheap loan for the parents. How do you think they would feel? Anyway, children cannot enter into credit agreements for the very reason that they are too young to understand them. Borrowing money from a child is as dodgy an area as lending money to one.

You might be able to justify doing it, you might be desperate, and I'm sure you will pay it back. But please make sure that this is a one off - set a date when you will have the money paid back by, and try not to resort to this option again.

ThePinkOcelot · 08/03/2017 18:10

Well if you are desperate, it seems daft the money sitting there doing nothing.

MissMogwi · 08/03/2017 18:15

"You might be able to justify doing it, you might be desperate, and I'm sure you will pay it back. But please make sure that this is a one off - set a date when you will have the money paid back by, and try not to resort to this option again."

How patronising. The OP says things are tight. It's not as if she's using the money for gin and bath bombs.

LadyFlumpalot · 08/03/2017 18:16

*LuxCoDespondent
*
"The relatives who have given the money did not intend it to be the source of a cheap loan for the parents. How do you think they would feel?"

I'm fairly certain my mum wouldn't want her grandchildren to starve either.

We've dipped into the kids accounts to buy heating oil before. It's been repaid as soon as we were able. No good the kids having bank accounts with hundreds in yet living in a freezing cold house.

user1486924355 · 08/03/2017 18:19

Hi Lady,

You're obviously a decent sort. I would say do it. If it makes you feel better, add interest when you're able to.