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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To borrow from my children's savings accounts?

56 replies

Ladymarmaladeandjam · 08/03/2017 13:03

Things have been particularly tight at the moment. We have family members who pop money in the children's accounts at birthdays/Christmas time.

As I'm currently unable to work in the short term, we have borrowed some of this money and used it for essentials for the children. Once I am working again, the money will be replaced and added to by myself and my husband.

I feel so guilty about the whole scenario.

OP posts:
fairweathercyclist · 08/03/2017 18:22

If you pay it back it's fine, but do pay it back.

DH said years ago his parents borrowed money from his sister and never paid it back.

I borrow cash from my son's money box from time to time but I always put it back. I'd never take money out of his bank account though.

lonelysaddo · 08/03/2017 18:23

Well I did it for a family holiday one year and never felt and guilt.

My parents match what we save for the dc and never thought it was odd either. The kids were really looking forward to their holiday but we had hit a rough patch so borrowed the money then paid it back at a set amount every month.

The memories from that holiday are worth more than money just sat in a bank

Obsidian77 · 08/03/2017 18:48

set a date when you will have the money paid back by, and try not to resort to this option again
Jesus, what an empathy vacuum. Op has explained how they are struggling at the moment. What else is she supposed to do?
If she took out a loan or put it on a credit card, that would place further financial strain on them and mean it would be even longer until she could repay the money to the kids. op I'm sure you don't feel great about this but it seems like the wisest thing to do.

CuthbertDibble · 08/03/2017 19:31

I often give money to my nieces and nephews for birthdays and Christmas. I don't care what their parents spend it on, days out, school shoes, savings. I would hate to think they were going without because their parents refused to touch the money.

ChocChocPorridge · 08/03/2017 19:38

We use the kids money boxes for bus fare all the time, and when I was a student, I took out my loan and gave it to my parents who were having a tight spot (they paid it back, and money has been borrowed and repaid in both directions since too).

I think that the children are part of the family, and sometimes, that means that you need to borrow money. I think it's a good lesson in economics, that if someone in the family has money, that it's better to borrow from them than pay interest to a credit card company or the bank -IF and only if , they can be trusted to pay it back of course.

kazzacho · 10/03/2017 18:50

I'm currently trying to decide whether to get a bank loan and pay back stupid interest rates or use my children's savings (all of which I have saved for them in the first place). I know I can pay it back and in the long run we would be better off as I can give my own children the interest I would have paid to the bank. Savings don't make any money these days anyway. I can't see how this is stealing. With the cost of living today helping in any way you can shouldn't be an issue. Do what is best for you and your family.

Mrsglitterfairy · 10/03/2017 18:54

Don't feel guilty. We have borrowed from our DCs accounts before but always made sure we put it back. The majority of the money is there from us and whenever we have any spare cash at the end of the month, we'll throw a little extra in

BenjaminLinus · 10/03/2017 18:58

We've 'borrowed' from our own isa at the moment for something unnecessary but we wouldn't lose much money if we sold it again now. I've set up a standing order to pay the isa back monthly, if that makes sense.

Just do the same with the savings accounts, work out how much you can afford to pay back monthly, then set up a SO for the required number of months. As long as it's back in there with a bit of interest before they hit 18, I don't see any problem at all.

foxyloxy78 · 10/03/2017 19:03

It is perfectly fine. Don't beat yourself up about it. You're replacing it anyway so absolutely no harm done.

TalkingofMichaelAngel0 · 10/03/2017 19:51

I borrowed from my toddler dd's bank when I was on mat leave to buy her a wooden house for the garden. I wanted her to be able to use it in the summer. She loved that house. Played in it all summer and for a few years! I paid it back when i went back to work.

As long as you do pay it back it is ok.

grannytomine · 10/03/2017 20:10

When I give parents money for children I always say they can use it for anything they need that will benefit the child. I hope this means they wouldn't feel guilty if they had to use the money.

IamFriedSpam · 10/03/2017 20:12

It's fine - as long as you're not spending it on luxuries for yourself and you'll pay it back. It would be crazy to get a loan and pay silly amounts of interest on it rather than paying it back into your DC's account in a few months.

RainbowsAndUnicorn · 10/03/2017 20:15

I wouldn't be comfortable with it either, it's their money and taking it is wrong. If I gift money to children it's intended for them to buy something fun with, not buy food with due to parental decisions.

Crumbs1 · 10/03/2017 20:16

I guess the question is whether you asked them? If not, I'm not sure what message it gives about honesty and stealing. I think it's an unfortunate path to go down and suspect many good intentions don't often result in full repayment. It's hard when money is sitting there but it isn't your money.

curlii103 · 10/03/2017 20:27

The money is there to buy things for the children at the parents discretion. Kids are expensive. Use it if you need it definitely don't feel bad about it. I'm not even sure I'd worry about paying it back. If it was £,000s maybe but you spend enough money on your kids...you don't sound like you're abusing it so don't let people make you feel bad x

WeAllHaveWings · 10/03/2017 20:32

Read something the other day which said, when you are on a plane the safety briefing tells you to put on your own oxygen mask first, then your child's. they compared this with children's savings, your responsibility as a parent is to ensure your child is housed, fed, warm and safe first before saving for their future. If you are in financial difficulty it makes sense to sort that out first before saving again.

The only thing I would say, if it's a sizeable sum the banks can see withdrawing money from a children's account as playing the system to get better and tax free interest. Our bank recently told us that's why they don't have children's accounts online anymore.

ThisIsNotMyName99 · 10/03/2017 20:37

Some bloody sanctimonious posts here.

If you need to pay rent, buy food, pay bills -it's fine.

If you want to use it to go clubbing or buy a designer dress - not fine.

I have done this many a time, but I GIVE my kids most of their money in the first place, and I also have trust funds set up for them. I currently owe DD1 £60 from her Christmas money because I borrowed the cash to pay the cleaner when I was too busy to go to the cash machine. She will get it back.

She will also get fed, clothed, taken on days out, treats etc etc that I will pay for. In days gone by we struggled for money to eat. Now things are better but if you use their money for things they need and pay back when you can, no harm done.

reapercrew · 10/03/2017 20:38

Don't feel bad about it OP, as long as you pay it back I can't see the issue at all. I've done it loads of times (always with interest added) admittedly me & DH have paid in 90% of what she has in savings so it hasn't been gifts from family but as long as they have the amount they should by the time have access to it it's not a problem.

Kazzacho just do it, I was in the same position I just borrowed from DD's savings & just set up a standing order for what the direct debit would have been on a loan, I can't see the logic of paying back interest to a bank when there's money sitting there

DrAbbyYates · 10/03/2017 20:42

Do it and don't give it a second thought until you repay the money. Ignore the sanctimony from certain PP. If your child needs shoes then £30 left in their savings account earning a pittance in interest does them no good at all.

jmh740 · 10/03/2017 20:54

I borrowed £500 for my children's bank accounts to fix the car, I did feel bad but without the car we would have had to walk to school and clubs such as brownies etc would have been impossible, I've set up a standing order to pay a small bit back each month into their accounts and will probably just keep the standing order even when the money has been paid back, most of the money was from birthdays and christenings but I don't think our family and friends would mind that I borrowed it.

ASqueakingInTheShrubbery · 10/03/2017 21:55

We borrowed from DD's savings to replace DH's car. He set up a standing order to pay it back. By the time she's 18 and can get to the money it will have been long since replaced.

Salmotrutta · 10/03/2017 23:08

We never did this but if we'd been absolutely skint to the nth degree then maybe, just maybe we might have.

We might be a bit weird but whenever the DC got money we put it in their piggy banks and regularly paid it into their savings accounts.

If they got gifts of money I regarded that money to be theirs - I don't actually think I could have ever contemplated borrowing it.

This probably stems from an overheard conversation where my mum and dad were discussing some relative using money from their kids piggy banks in very shocked and disgusted tones... they thought that was appalling and I have grown up thinking in that mind set.

DrAbbyYates · 10/03/2017 23:15

Genuine question to those horrified by the idea - are you honestly saying that you would get into debt or let your children go without basics (shoes, clothing, food) over the principle of not temporarily borrowing from your children's savings?

SabineUndine · 10/03/2017 23:17

My mother borrowed my Christmas money when I was about 5 and I never got it back. When I was in my teens I had money in a post office account from my grandmother and she borrowed some of that and only repaid it after a row when I asked her about it for the third time.

So as others have said, it's ok if you are going to repay it. Never think a child is too small to understand what's going on though.

Salmotrutta · 10/03/2017 23:26

DrYabby - we always simply considered that the DCs monetary gifts were their gifts. So not ours to use.

We just stuck to that. It made things very simple.