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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

WIBU to use a baby sleep consultant?

34 replies

MumsyH · 07/03/2017 20:29

13 month dd's sleep has gone from bad to worse. Nowhere near self settling, slept through once a month ago and ever since has been waking screaming in the middle of the night for up to 3 hours.
I'm at the end of my tether. Husband does nights and I work so often on my own then have to face the day on no sleep..
I've tried sleep training to an extent but cant cope with cio and she will not even slightly entertain anything else as just goes mental.

I feel like getting a consultants help would mean I've failed really. Everyone else seems to manage fine and I guess we must have done something wrong somewhere..

Has anyone gone down this route and was it a)worth the expense and b) was it at all successful? (same question I guess really)

OP posts:

Juveniledelinquent · 07/03/2017 20:33

Your HV should be able to provide help with sleep management. It's actually not difficult, just very upsetting for you, in the short term. I definitely wouldn't waste my money.

Doyoufeeluckypunk · 07/03/2017 20:34

I would advise either continuing with a planned and appropriate CIO.

Or contact a reputable organisation like The Children's Sleep Charity. Consultants are entirely unregulated...

fourandnomore · 07/03/2017 20:37

I can't answer your questions but just wanted to say please don't feel you've failed if you do this. People need support with all sorts of sides of parenting and sleep deprivation is used for torture remember, it is an absolute killer and takes our patience and thought process with it. Maybe someone coming into the situation fresh might be able to help, but please also don't think everyone else manages it. We are at 16 months with our twins and if it's not one up its the other, they aren't upset but I find myself reeling off the it's teething, they've got a cold, overtired excuses all the time. Please don't think you're alone. It's hard work and very upsetting sometimes to feel lost for a new strategy

Writerwannabe83 · 07/03/2017 20:38

I used a Sleep Consultant when DS was 9 months old because life was very bleak. We had so many issues with his sleep, night and daytime and I was on the floor with exhaustion.

It cost me £90 and in a week I had a self settling child who slept 10 hours straight overnight and had two 1.5 hour naps in the day in his cot.

She was AMAZING!!!

She saved me mental health, my relationship with his son and probably saved my marriage too.

Acknowledging you need help and asking for it is not a weakness, just do that you need to do

Sunbeam18 · 07/03/2017 20:42

I found it totally worth it ( at 18 months). She probably didn't tell us anything we didn't know but being instructed exactly what to do and having to report back meant that we did it

Nelllo · 07/03/2017 20:43

We had a HV sleep specialist come with ds1 at about the same age. She was such a gentle, kind hippie woman that I imagined she would have a gentle, kind solution. She didn't. She told us to let him cio

In the end it solved itself because I started teaching a few evenings a week so DH was doing bedtime on his own on those days. DS fought him and was apparently v teary for a few nights but then he just switched from needing to be fed and rocked to sleep to being happy to feed, play, lie down and be patted off to sleep. AND he immediately started to sleep through until early morning (4-5am) when I would bring him to our bed for a feed and snuggle back to sleep until 8am.

It was clearly me that he wanted and me that I was absolutely aiding and abetting his---- dicking about.

StrawberryMummy90 · 07/03/2017 20:46

I used Nicola Watson at child sleep solutions when DD was 6 months. I used her again recently when DD now 16 months was waking up consistently at 4am for the day. Can't recommend her highly enough personally!

She won't guide you through CIO though because that's literally leaving your baby in the cot and not returning till morning. Controlled crying is where you return at regular intervals, soothe but don't pick up and repeat until baby understands its sleepy time. There are much gentler methods which I personally tried first to no avail and Nicola will talk you through all of them in great detail.

Writerwannabe83 · 07/03/2017 20:50

I used Nicola Watson at child sleep solutions......

This is who I used too

StrawberryMummy90 · 07/03/2017 20:52

Writer she's amazing isn't she!

CeCeBloomer · 07/03/2017 21:10

Don't feel a failure! Everyone I know has used one and I found that dd seemed to magically improve everytime I was about to call one

Derlei · 07/03/2017 21:15

"@Writer" - sorry to hijack but is that the basic package you went for? Does she give advice over the phone and offer support/advice while you implement the rules, as opposed to face to face?

Writerwannabe83 · 07/03/2017 21:18

Writer....she's amazing isn't she!

She was amazing!!!!!!
Our phonecall Consultation was about 2.5 hours long as she was so thorough. I will never, ever forget how much she saved me and I will be forever grateful to her.

My DH was really reluctant at first but he soon agreed that it was the best £90 we'd ever spent

I'm currently pregnant with DC2 and plan to start implementing her routines and strategies from a few months old to prevent my life becoming the sleep related hell that it was with my DS (he's almost three now).

StrawberryMummy90 · 07/03/2017 21:21

I'm pregnant with DC2 and planning on doing exactly the same! Haha

Steviea88 · 07/03/2017 21:22

YADNBU I am looking into doing the same. Dd2 is 24 months and has never slept through it is so so draining. She goes to bed at 7pm fidgety and moans till about 10.30 then is up till 1 back down waking every 40 mins moaning then up to start the day at 5am. It gradually catches up with you and I walk around like a zombie most days.

I spoke to a friend yesterday who has used a sleep therapist for her 17 month old who does is all over the phone and she said after 2 weeks he now sleeps through but still starts his day at 4am so that is what they are trying to work on now. He was a terrible terrible sleeper but this woman costs a lot of money and I can't really see how someone giving advice over the phone who has never met your child can help. But it isn't controlled crying.

Is child sleep solutions over the phone or do they visit the home does anyone know? I'm fed up of my bags and would happily give a kidney away for a full 6 hour sleep.

Steviea88 · 07/03/2017 21:24

14 months not 24

Writerwannabe83 · 07/03/2017 21:24

derlei - yes, £90 was that basic package.

It started off with her emailing me a really detailed questionnaire asking about all the problems I had with DS, what methods we had tried to address them, what types of parenting styles myself and DH had, asking about the very specific details of DS's daily routines and then she asked for a week long history of his exact sleeping patterns. I emailed her all the information that she asked for which she used to devise a plan as such and then a few days later she phoned me and the entire Consultation was done over the phone and lasted about 2.5 hours. We discussed all the different sleep training methods, what method we felt was best and then she created a very detailed step by step plan as to how to deal with all our problems.

She changed his entire daily routine, I.e what times I should feed him and put him down for naps etc and she completely changed his bedtime routine and went through all the theory behind the changes in relation to good sleeping behaviours. She gave me a set instructions on how to address his night wakings and me and DH did absolutely everything we were told and the results were phenomenal.

StrawberryMummy90 · 07/03/2017 21:29

Child sleep solutions do different packages I don't think face to face is an option although can't remember. I purchased a 6 week package that involved a thorough phone consultation, Nicola then explained in detail all the different training methods going from gentle to CC, once you choose which one you want to implement she writes up a detailed plan for your child's day/night including when to feed, nap, wake from nap, go to bed, wake in morning etc. She also sends a step by step guide to your training method of choice and is there for 6 weeks whenever you need her day or night with any questions/worries or if it's not working you can review what you're doing and change things around a bit etc.

She also gave general advice about bedroom setting, lighting etc.

I feel so bad when I read how mothers are on their knees with exhaustion, I've been there and it's awful. Thankfully majority of the time it is completely fixable with dedication and consistency!

Steviea88 · 07/03/2017 21:36

Sorry to jump on and ask lots of questions. But was it £90 a week for her or was your package £90 for the 6 weeks.
I didn't really think a phone consultation could work but it seems it has for quite a few of you and my friend too. I think she used millpond sleep clinic has anyone heard or dealt with them?

Whatsername17 · 07/03/2017 21:37

With dd1 we did a form of controlled crying. We settled her, kissed her and left the room, waited 1 minute before returning and settling her again. We never left her crying, and always returned when she cried (after 1 minute). No talking, just shhhhh and tummy rubs. It took two hours the first night, by the end of the week it took 5 minutes. The key is consistency. Once you start you have to persevere.

StrawberryMummy90 · 07/03/2017 21:43

stevie wouldn't of gone near her if it was £90 a week lol can't remember exactly how much it was but around £200 for the 6 week package which seemed dear at the time but the results were worth triple that amount! Lol was definitely the best money we spent.

www.childsleepsolutions.co.uk/about-us/

That's her website if you want to have a look. I looked in to millpond as well at first but I chose Nicola and am so glad I did!

Steviea88 · 07/03/2017 21:49

Oh that's not bad then. I'm going to have a look!
Thank you.

I'll have a look into both, I think the millpond was quite a bit more expensive

Writerwannabe83 · 07/03/2017 22:04

@ £90 a week.

It was £90 for the email contact and the phone call Consultation.

The general gist was that if I felt I wasn't getting anywhere with the service provider in the basic package then I could always go up to the next level package and just pay the difference.

The issues I had though were the relatively common ones: would only sleep if breast fed to sleep, no naps in the day, unable to self settle and waking about 4 times a night. They were all simple things that could be changed with new routines and sleep training and so it wasn't anything that required face to face contact really because it's easy enough to discuss over the phone. We implemented her strategies the following day and within a week all our problems were solved.

verite · 07/03/2017 22:20

I tried millpond and it didn't work for our DS. But I know others had success with them so I think it was more that we had a particularly stubborn child!

nextchapterplease · 07/03/2017 22:58

If you can afford it just do it !
We used Ann Caird.
Honestly we both wished we had just done it sooner.
As PP have said the exhaustion meant we weren't really able to follow through on good intentions but our daily chats with Ann kept us sane and focussed .. it was such a relief
Good luck

Derlei · 07/03/2017 23:03

Thanks Writer and Strawberry - really useful info!!
Might need it one day

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