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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About tickets I had bought for DP?

50 replies

Seashellsbythesea · 03/03/2017 07:39

I bought my normally lovely DP tickets for a concert as his Christmas present. I checked with him about the dates etc before I booked it. It would mean a trip and overnight stay which he also knew when I arranged it. The concert is tonight. We can't go because he's too busy with work he has to do. AIBU to feel really sad and fed up? My previous LTR was quite abusive and although I think I've moved on lots from that, situations like this leave me feeling incredibly rejected. My boundaries are somewhat wobbly at times because of things that went on in my last relationship and I have trouble with deciding what is reasonable! Sorry to waffle! Just feeling really hurt today and not sure what to do about it.

OP posts:
FruSkogKattOla · 03/03/2017 07:42

Might he have forgotten about the concert/overnight stay when taking on the work commitment?

Original poster
Seashellsbythesea · 03/03/2017 07:45

He did have it in his diary but also takes on loads of work at the same time as underestimating how long it will take and how much is involved.

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 03/03/2017 07:47

I wouldn't be feeling sad and fed up no. I'd be feeling absolutely bloody furious. And I'd be going to the event alone / with a mate.

I think that's where you're skewed op. Your reaction which possibly shows that you're used to having your needs and feelings ignored and belittled.

I'm cross on your behalf

Original poster
Seashellsbythesea · 03/03/2017 07:55

Thanks for your reply. You're right, this is where my reactions are skewed. I had thought about going with one of my children but they've got to be in school today and we won't get there in time if we leave this afternoon. Not sure what to say to DP about it all.

OP posts:
Aliveinwanderland · 03/03/2017 07:57

Go on your own leaving him to deal with the children tonight.

DeviTheGaelet · 03/03/2017 08:00

This is not OK. He's had every opportunity to plan his work and you told him ages ago. I would be furious!! Absolutely go, find a friend to take, stay over. What a wanksock.

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 · 03/03/2017 08:02

You should have taken priority here. .

Agree with take a friend and leave him to the parenting tonight. .

NiceMoustache · 03/03/2017 08:02

I'd be annoyed but work comes first.

pipsqueak25 · 03/03/2017 08:02

friend or go alone, this would have seriously pissed me off big time Angry for you.

FannyFifer · 03/03/2017 08:04

How awful, please go yourself.

Aderyn2016 · 03/03/2017 08:04

I'd be really sad and cross too. He had no business taking on work when he had a pruor commitment to you - he hasn't made you his priority and is okay with doing something that has hurt you when it was totally unnecessary.

NormaSmuff · 03/03/2017 08:10

god what a waste of money.
can you go with someone else?

Happyinthehills · 03/03/2017 08:10

He had it in his diary but chose not to prioritise this over work, which really doesn't have to trump his relationship with you. He's telling you how little he cares for you.

SoupDragon · 03/03/2017 08:19

He made a mistake with work.

If the work is essential for his continued employment then it is more important. It is not always the case that you can say "Sorry, the work will have to wait, I've got to go and have fun"

Find a friend and go with them instead.

NormaSmuff · 03/03/2017 08:19

is he always unreliable and disorganised?
does he have a very pressured job?
Is he self employed?

is there is no way he had put his work on hold?

KinkyAfro · 03/03/2017 08:20

Work comes first? Not in this house it doesn't

SpookyPotato · 03/03/2017 08:21

He should have planned around it... I would be going on my own or with a friend.

Trills · 03/03/2017 08:23

Is he generally organised or disorganised?

Does he usually drop commitments at the last minute?

This could be a genuine one-off accident from someone who is otherwise sensible.

Or it could be a sign that he does not have a good handle on balancing his commitments.

Or it could be a rude a disrespectful deprioritising of anything that you arrange.

sooperdooper · 03/03/2017 08:23

Not acceptable, he's showing no respect for the time, effort a X money you've spent planing something nice for him!

Find a friend and go yourself, tell him how upset you are and what a waste it would be not to go

Go, have fun and tell him this IS a big deal and he better buck his ideas up in the future

Fighterofthenightman · 03/03/2017 08:23

It was his Christmas present. It's up to him if he wants to/can go or not.

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 03/03/2017 08:24

Yep you should absolutely still go, don't let it be a waste of money-or your time that you spent organising it.

sooperdooper · 03/03/2017 08:25

And money! Not sure what the X was about - sorry!

Rixera · 03/03/2017 08:26

I would feel sad for him if he had to work- he's missing out on a fun concert.

But then again I don't know how much choice your DP has about it, I know if mine didn't work when he had lots on he'd be sacked. It wouldn't cross my mind to blame him for working.

LIZS · 03/03/2017 08:27

When did he tell you he couldn't go? I suspect he thinks it's his treat he is forgoing but with little regard for your disappointment or value of your gift. Had you booked a hotel, if not perhaps you should have discussed this a few weeks ago and made more fixed plans.

BarbaraofSeville · 03/03/2017 08:28

Depends on his work situation but he should have booked the appropriate amount of leave when you bought the tickets.

Can you sell the tickets so you don't lose the money if you don't go yourself with a friend?