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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be so annoyed?

28 replies

AteRiri · 25/02/2017 01:49

So I do the food shopping and all I ask is help to bring stuff up the stairs to our apartment (3 flights). We moved three weeks ago, so we've done this arrangement twice.

I messaged DH fifteen mins before I arrive, told him I'm coming home, and when I got to our place, he was not downstairs. I called him and he said he didn't think I needed him to come down.

I was so so pissed off. AIBU?

OP posts:
Crispbutty · 25/02/2017 02:00

Did you say "please can you come and help with the shopping"? Or just assume he would come down

Original poster
AteRiri · 25/02/2017 02:01

No, I didn't think I needed to because we've done this twice, and I told him before I left I'd send a message when I'm on my way home, which I did.

OP posts:
ScarlettFreestone · 25/02/2017 02:03

He gets the shopping next time I would think.

Crispbutty · 25/02/2017 02:05

I wouldn't have been pissed off. I would have carried a couple of bags up and asked him to come help with the rest.

seven201 · 25/02/2017 02:09

It's just a miscommunication. Just be clearer next time

BlueKarou · 25/02/2017 02:11

Irritating that he didn't get the hint, but not totally frustrating, I think.

TheDowagerCuntess · 25/02/2017 02:14

Genuine misunderstanding, surely? Confused

EmeraldScorn · 25/02/2017 02:30

Could you get it delivered? I know that's not the point but it would save you the hassle of having to ask your husband to wait outside to help you when it's obvious that some times he may not remember etc.

sibys1 · 25/02/2017 06:13

Geez, I can't imagine getting annoyed with my partner (and to the point where I'd start a thread on the internet about it) over something so inconsequential.

user1471517900 · 25/02/2017 07:00

I bet he hadn't even scattered the rose petals on the stairs either. What a bastard he sounds.

Bluntness100 · 25/02/2017 07:05

Seems a bit petty and a misunderstanding. Just ask him to come down so no misunderstanding. Surely it can't be that big of a deal? It's not like he wasn't willing and point blank refused, he just thought he didn't have to.

highinthesky · 25/02/2017 07:06

You could use the lift. Or do less shopping. Or leave his stuff in the car.

Or LTB.

Want2bSupermum · 25/02/2017 07:10

Path of least resistance. Tell him explicitly that he needs to carry the shopping up now. You aren't going to nag him. You are not asking either.

It's 3 flights, both of you should carry things up.

user1471517900 · 25/02/2017 07:12

I'm sure he agrees that if there's a lot then they will share the carrying. He just didn't need to be outside when she got back. She can call or carry the first couple in and then he can help as someone said above.

FrenchLavender · 25/02/2017 07:28

I don't think you can expect him to be downstairs waiting - you could have been held up in traffic or something. But I think you should have texted him 15 mins ahead of time to warn him then again upon arrival at which point he should have been ready to come straight down.

carabos · 25/02/2017 07:37

My DH comes out of the house when he hears my car pull up. He knows I always have stuff to carry in, whether that's shopping or my work stuff. It's just one of those little gestures...I don't do it when it's him who has been shopping mind Wink.

Get him trained up OP Wink.

MuddyMoose · 25/02/2017 07:45

When you called him did he still not come down to help or did he come down after said phone call?

Original poster
AteRiri · 25/02/2017 07:46

I messaged him 15 mins before I arrived. Which was the same thing I did the last two times.

I buy food (eggs, milk, meat, etc) from a farmer's market and I usually buy enough for a week because it's far.

There's no lift in the building - otherwise I won't take the stairs.

I didn't think of leaving stuff downstairs because other people might complain. We're new to the apartment complex.

Yes, I realize now it's petty compared to the problems of other people regarding their partners but hey, sometimes petty things are annoying you know?

OP posts:
gamerwidow · 25/02/2017 07:49

Next time explicitly say I will be there in 15 mins I need your help to carry the bags up. 3 weeks isn't really long enough to say something is an established routine. To be fair to you I would have assumed you wanted me to carry the bags up when I got the text you were on your way but your DH obviously didn't make the connection.

elektrawoman · 25/02/2017 07:51

So you told him you were coming home and assumed from that he would know you wanted him to help with the shopping. Then you are annoyed that he didn't realise that's what you meant. You need to be more explicit. I think you need to say 'I am coming home, meet me downstairs in 15 minutes to help carry the shopping'. If he had refused, then yes you would have had a reason to be annoyed. He probably didn't think you needed help because you didn't ask.

Communication is the key in relationships - if something like this is causing an issue there will be a lot more arguments along the way....

Original poster
AteRiri · 25/02/2017 07:55

Actually we've been together for 14 years (counting bf-gf) and we hardly fight. I guess I was petty earlier but I was just really annoyed. It might also have contributed that because it took a long time for me to find a cab, I was worried that the stuff I bought would go bad.

OP posts:
Keeptrudging · 25/02/2017 07:56

Take a few bags up, give him the keys to get the rest/both go back down to get the rest. I think yabu to expect him to hang about downstairs to be there for you arriving.

user1471517900 · 25/02/2017 07:56

Ah you were in a taxi, then yep a quick call when you're arriving to say "I need help with shopping" should work

Keeptrudging · 25/02/2017 07:57

Sorry, just realised you were in a cab. I'd have just phoned as the cab got to the house then, not 15 minutes before.

ExitStage · 25/02/2017 08:05

I'm assuming you're not in the U.K.? If you are, either it was a very late farmers market or you were seething for many hours before posting!!