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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Asked to do more work in secret

33 replies

FrutiFlutey · 24/02/2017 08:49

I'm a nanny! My charge is 20 months old and I bring my own son with me too!

The house where I work - both parents of the boy I care for work full time!

The fathers sister also lives her with her husband and they have an 11 month old and she found out she is pregnant last week - between 6-12 weeks! She is here all day everyday, well call her B

B and I get on very well and usually help each other out for example - my charge pooped over me one time and she let me home to change while she watched him, when she has appointments I will watch her child,

The problem - she asked me to come into her room this morning without my dc or my charge to have a talk, so I settled them in the play room and dashed in there quick

She's asked me to do her chores - dishwasher loading, cleaning pots and pans on her days (they go in rotation) washing her laundry and changing her baby because her back aches and she "has to take rest and it hurts too much" and she will pay me extra money! Ok, but she wants neither the 3rd family here to know, nor my charges parents!

She doesn't want me doing these things if any one is around!

What do I do! DP says it's extra money! But it feels so wrong towards the parents of my charge

OP posts:

DJBaggySmalls · 24/02/2017 08:51

B is out of order and should hire a cleaner.

Babybubblescomingsoon · 24/02/2017 08:52

If it would take away any time that you are being paid to look after your charges then I would suggest it isn't a good idea and not fair on dc and charges to ask. Would you have enough time to do it?

gamerchick · 24/02/2017 08:52

Well it is extra money if she pays you.

AuntiePenguin · 24/02/2017 08:53

If I found out our nanny had done that, I'd sack her and make it clear why in any reference. You can't do a second job when they're paying you to look after their child.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 24/02/2017 08:53

You tell her you are happy to help out (if you are happy to help out, that is) but only if the family who pay you agree. That's only fair. They are your employers.

Trills · 24/02/2017 08:55

She's put you in a horrible situation here. It's really unreasonable of her to have asked.

If you do it, you'll be found out. Your employer will know you've kept things from them and won't trust you.

If you don't do it, she may decide to make your life less pleasant out of spite. You definitely won't have as nice a time as you have had up til now.

clippityclop · 24/02/2017 08:55

Don't agree to anything without discussing it with your employer.

CaptainBraandPants · 24/02/2017 08:56

I would also sack you if I were your employer. If it were doing different work outside of the hours I paid you for, then that would be fine. However, you are trying to shoehorn more work in when you are supposed to be looking after the children.

Original poster

FrutiFlutey · 24/02/2017 08:56

Right thanks all - this is exactly how I feel it should be and I'll be mentioning that they have to know! It all felt so wrong any way

OP posts:

Keeptrudging · 24/02/2017 08:56

No, you're already being paid to look after a child who needs attention/played with, plus they're letting you take your own child to work with you. It would be madness (and unethical) to jeapordise it. The sister will tell at some point, then you'll be out of a job, with no reference.

Pouncival · 24/02/2017 09:09

Sorry, who are the 3rd family? I can't work it out

Anyway agree with PPs - tell her she needs to ok it with your employer- I can't bear it when people put me in awkward situations

Happinessisthis · 24/02/2017 09:14

It will get found out eventually and the parents will never be able to trust you again.

expatinscotland · 24/02/2017 09:19

NFW! I'd tell her it's impossible because it would compromise the work you do for the family who employs you and that you can't do cash in hand work for tax reasons. She's taking the royal piss out of her brother!

rollonthesummer · 24/02/2017 09:20

What third family? I'm very confused.

I wouldn't do that, no-it sounds very dishonest.

ScarlettDarling · 24/02/2017 09:23

It's all a bit odd...what's the problem with you doing her chores if you've both agreed to it? Why the secrecy? Who are the 3rd family and why would they care about your agreement?

morningconstitutional2017 · 24/02/2017 09:35

I think LonnyVonny has got it just right. It's exactly the right thing to say. You've been put into a difficult situation and that's not on.

ICanCountToOneHundred · 24/02/2017 09:49

I to am confused about the third family?

LisaMed1 · 24/02/2017 09:58

Whatever happens, I think you need to look for another job. B is going to be upset if you say no, could blackmail you if you say yes, you could find yourself doing the work and not getting paid because it's all under the radar, your employers could twig accidentally etc etc.

If you tell the employers, are you sure that B won't make your life a living hell for dropping her in it?

I can't see any way that this would work out. Good luck.

emmyrose2000 · 24/02/2017 11:49

If your charge got hurt while you were off doing these "secret" jobs, how exactly would you explain that to your employer?

Ihatethedailymail1 · 24/02/2017 17:11

You couldn't do it while you are already being paid to look after the family's child. That would be very wrong.

Chippednailvarnishing · 24/02/2017 17:14

I'm sure you have posted the exact same thing before?

Alanna1 · 24/02/2017 17:26

So, I think what she is saying is she wants you to work a lot harder whilst you are all together and she will compensate you. I don't think that's necessarily out of order if you're willing to do it? But I think if you are, you should say you'd be happy too and be thrilled at more money, but you'd need to check your employers are happy. I don't think it's that different from when my sister's nanny used to pick up my daughter and have her additionally for some time before we got there, and I'd give her a bit of extra cash for this - but obviously my sister knew about it!

wideboy26 · 24/02/2017 17:32

You missed exclamation marks off the end of a couple of sentences in your original post.

TheOnlyLivingBoyinNewCork · 24/02/2017 17:39

You missed exclamation marks off the end of a couple of sentences in your original post.

lalalalyra · 24/02/2017 17:45

So, whilst you are looking after your own child and being paid to look after your charges she wants to pay you to do other work?

I'd be massively unimpressed to find out I'd been paying a nanny to care for my children and she'd been doing someone else's cooking and cleaning in that time.

Not a chance would I do that.

Also why is B in her brother's house all day everyday? Are you basically looking after her child whilst her brother is paying you to look after his?

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