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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how you all put your babies to bed?

41 replies

MooMooTheFirst · 21/02/2017 17:18

DS is 9 mo and I've never left him overnight. DP has asked me to think about going away for two nights over Easter, just the two of us. I'd like to go but I'm a bit nervous about leaving him... even though he will be with both sets of grandparents! Largely because I'm the only one that's ever put him to bed and, as such, I've always just laid with him and fed him to sleep.

How does everyone else do it? I want to make sure he is alright if I do decide to go!

OP posts:
SEsofty · 21/02/2017 17:25

Assuming he's bottle fed then grandparents do the exact same routine you do and it should be ok. If possible might be an idea for grandparents to help out with bedtime a few times before.

FayeandMe · 21/02/2017 17:28

Bath, upstairs, hair dried, nappy sleep suit, go round saying night to everyone and giving kisses, teeth brushed, upstairs, sing a song whilst hugging, laid down in the cot, check and count teddies, ok I'm just going back in a minute, kiss, leave the room.

I should say this is my 4th so I don't mess around anymore Wink

luckylucky24 · 21/02/2017 17:45

I used to lay with my eldest until he fell asleep. 4 years later I was still doing this when the second arrived and it wasn't happening again!

She has a bath every other night, pj's on, bottle in bed. We often have to go up a few times to tell her to lye down but it doesn't take too long.
I found it really hard to leave mine the first time so had a night away with friends leaving baby with DH. I am 100% confident with him caring for them so it felt like a practice run for when grandparents have them. I just had to realise that it was me that wasn't ready not the kids. They are fine!

Original poster
MooMooTheFirst · 21/02/2017 17:51

That's also what's bothering me haha, I don't know if I am ready!

OP posts:
BusyBeez99 · 21/02/2017 17:55

PJs on. Dark room. Sit in chair and give bottle. Burp. Pop in cot and leave. (Then go back in if needs resettling).

That's what I did and what I've done when babysitting recently :-)

emmyhNL · 21/02/2017 17:55

I'm still the only one who can put our 11 month to bed. She gets cuddles, teeth brushed, vitamin D, kisses, story time then breastfed to sleep. She doesn't do bottles (issues with latching meant we couldn't use bottles).

April241 · 21/02/2017 17:58

I have 5 month old twins, our routine is nappy changed, into grobag and bottle at 8pm, burp/cuddle into cot at 8:30pm and then when they wake up (as the always do between 9 and 10pm) it's shoosh, rub tummy or cuddle if they don't settle and that's us. Just to add they kind of went into this routine on their own but now we do the exact same every night and also we've never left them overnight as I'm not ready for it yet either.

OddShoe · 21/02/2017 17:59

I go to bed at the same time as dd2 because I'm pregnant and knackered. We co sleep so she lies on one side of the bed fiddling with her teddy till she drops off. Up until a month ago I was cuddling her to sleep but had to stop because she kept falling asleep on top of me and waking up if I moved.

londonrach · 21/02/2017 18:03

Do the same as april but shes down hopefully till either 3am, 4am , 5am or if im very lucky 6am. Bottle and resettle in 15 minutes if she wakes.

Osirus · 21/02/2017 18:22

7 month old DD. Feed to sleep (breastfed and co sleep). Goes to bed at 9.30pm, which I know sounds late but she doesn't wake until 9am. She usually wakes twice for a feed.

If she's not hungry she will drop off on her own. She knows I won't get up to play at night so she's never awake long.

She will take a bottle though so someone else could put her to bed, but she probably wouldn't be happy if they weren't sleeping next to her!

Heirhelp · 21/02/2017 18:28

DH has to put our 9 month old DD to bed and he holds her to sleep. If she was with me she would not go to sleep until she was in bed with me and I stayed with her. When she wakes at 10 for a feed she comes into bed with me for the night.

Are you ready to leave your baby for a weekend? How much time do grandparents spend with him? We don't have any baby sitter she but if it was me I would want to do one night at the most for the first time.

Lovelilies · 21/02/2017 18:33

I feed DC3 to sleep 😬
Have done with all of them. Not sure what their DF does, cuddles/rocking/ lying next to them. Co-sleep with DCs 2&3 still though so they'd want the same I'd imagine!

MermaidsTears · 21/02/2017 21:03

oddshoe what do you plan to do when baby is here?
Only asking as I'm in same position and not sure how it's going to work.
Co sleep with dd2, can't see it ending anytime soon.
But can't see how she will sleep with a crying newborn also in the same room?

Original poster
MooMooTheFirst · 21/02/2017 22:33

Thank you everyone Flowers I don't feel like I will ever be ready to leave him if I'm honest but DP is quite keen and wants to go to Europe. He did say we could gofor one night but that seems a bit silly...

DS sees one set of GPs weekly if not more, but I'm still on maternity leave till Monday so am still very much at the stage of not thinking anyone else is good enough for DS but me if that makes sense?

I just keep thinking about his little heart being sad when he cries for me and realises I'm not coming Sad his GPs love him very much and he them but it's not the same at night is it?

I know I'm being very PFB here... but he is my PFB!

OP posts:
holidaysaregreat · 21/02/2017 22:39

I think it might be better to do just a night away at ILs when you are still local/home to get him used to the idea. Then maybe just night away in the UK.
Mine were fairly independent at going to sleep alone and would settle easily but I wouldn't have left them to go to Europe with DH for 2 nights at this stage. I don't think it's fair on the ILs if he is upset and won't settle for them.
I did happily leave both with DH when they were babies though.

JaxingJump · 21/02/2017 22:44

Pick up, put in cot, walk out, close door, go get tea and chocolate.

I discovered this was possible on #2 and have done it successfully on #3 too. I'd say I've a success rate of 99 out of 100 days on both babies.

Original poster
MooMooTheFirst · 21/02/2017 22:44

I've just asked DP if he would mind doing a night away in the U.K. At Easter and then if that went well we could do two nights in Europe the following half term and he said that was fine Grin

DS doesn't really even take a bottle atm, although he's started drinking from a sports bottle. I just can't (at the moment) think about why I would even want to be apart from him for that long... I'm upset about having to go back to work even Blush and his bedtime routine is set up to suit me and DS because that's all it's ever had to...

OP posts:
Original poster
MooMooTheFirst · 21/02/2017 22:48

Jaxing do you do it at the same time every day or do you watch to see when they're tired?

DS goes to sleep very nicely for me and we have he same routine every day - dinner, half an hour of quiet time, teeth and bath, pyjamas and singing/chatting, story, feed to sleep, put in cot. It's generally at the same time every day, give or take quarter of an hour but that's because he is tired by then.

From 2-4 months I could leave him sleepy but not asleep and he'd go to sleep by himself in his cot, but there's been a lot of upheaval since then, as well as huge tummy troubles/weaning issues with him along with the normal teething/illness/developmental leaps etc and we've never fallen into that again.

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 21/02/2017 22:49

Do a night away in the UK. Definitely don't go far.

Actually I didn't do any overnights until DS was 2...

IME though even though I used to breastfeed and co-sleep DS was absolutely fine with others and went straight back to the normal routine afterwards so it was fine!

Have you left him for an evening before? That seems like a more usual first step but you seem worried about someone else putting him to bed suggesting that you haven't done that yet.

I would try an evening when you're due back at 11/12ish, see how that goes and then look at overnights when you're less than an hour from home.

Original poster
MooMooTheFirst · 21/02/2017 23:24

I've never not put him to bed Blush I've been out in the evening once or twice but always just gone after I've put DS to bed. He's normally asleep by 7pm so it's not too much of a hardship. I was never a party animal before I had him, so having him has been a nice excuse to sit and knit in front of the tv without feeling old before my time! Grin

If it wasn't for DP I honestly don't think it would even have occurred to me to go anywhere without DS. I have half baked plans to go travelling a bit in the summer holidays but in my head it was always with DS as well as DP. I've never really considered going without DS.

OP posts:
littledinaco · 22/02/2017 10:08

OP don't feel pressured to leave him if you don't want to. Everyone is different, do what you feel is best for you and your baby. I felt really pressured into leaving my first overnight (I felt I was being PFB and everyone else left their babies, I should have a night away, etc). Many years later, I don't feel leaving her was the right thing to do and wish I had listened to myself instead of everyone else.
With my next DC, I decided not to leave them overnight until I felt completely ready. They are only little once and it's not forever. I've got absolutely nothing against people going away without their DC but I was the same as you OP, I couldn't bear the thought of them crying for me and realising I wasn't coming.

Heirhelp · 22/02/2017 10:36

Definitely don't leave him if you don't want to! I would not dream of leaving my DD over night except with DH. I was being cautious in my post about this earlier as I thought you wanted to go. It is perfectly normal for a Mum not to leave her baby.

JaxingJump · 22/02/2017 11:03

Moo moo, same time every night. It only really starts working with a bit of perseverance and from about 3-4 months onwards. They don't have enough awareness before that and I always found you'd be up and down with them non-stop till about midnight before 3 months.

The reason I discovered this works is because I had another child with bedtime needs. I needed my hands to brush teeth so would put down baby and RUN to do other toddlers bedtime. The stress of crying baby was huge for the first week or so and I'd be desperately rushing to get back and pick up but suddenly baby would start coping instead of crying going into bed and I'd find I was getting more than just teeth done before rushing back and next thing I knew (a few weeks later) I could pop baby in cot, go do teeth/story/cuddles with toddler in peace and then head straight downstairs for tea assuming toddler didn't kick up (believe me, that was normal for a few weeks too but I was consistent and insistent that bedtime was bedtime).

Then I had my third baby in 3 yrs and was more relaxed and confident about the put down in cot and sort out others routine. And it worked excellently too.

Now I have a 4yr old, 2.5yr old and 1.2yr old. At 6.45 baby goes in cot and I take 2.5yr old and 4yr old to do teeth. 4yr old hoes in bed with iPad (I know. But I don't give a shit cos it works and let's me give middle bubba proper good nights) and I take 2.5yr old to her room for story, cuddles and into cot for 7. Walk out and go hang with 4yr old for a bit of quality time. Sometimes 4yr old is asleep and I get to go chill from 7pm!!!! Most days I simply get to spend a little time chatting alone with him which is also a gift.

Make no mistake there was crying in the beginning of setting bedtime structure in place but if I hadn't been forced to leave baby to it for the 5mins it too to do older child's teeth I wouldn't be where I am now with good bedtimes. My first was not half as successful at bedtime till I could tell him off for that reason.

JaxingJump · 22/02/2017 11:04

Baby would start *cooing instead of crying (though coping is probably also true).

BertieBotts · 22/02/2017 13:34

Does he wake in the night? That would be my main concern. From experience them actually settling down to sleep isn't a problem, especially if GPs are happy to stay with him. Whether he takes a bottle or not the cuddle/presence should help.

You have to build it up slowly, I think it's a bit of a jump to go from never having had anyone else put him to bed to leaving him for two nights when you'll be in a totally different country! You won't relax.

Try an early night out where you leave at 5 or 6ish, then a single overnight close to home, then think about going further afield. There's no point booking a lovely holiday and then spending the whole time fretting.

I know it's a cliche, but I think a lot of men don't really understand.