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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not really like doing things on my own?

37 replies

callyforniacreamin · 19/02/2017 11:14

I'll probably get a bit of a flaming but never mind.

I have a week off (I am a teacher so on half term) and I've been googling stuff to do but I just don't fancy any of it as it all seems to involve just sitting or walking alone.

Aibu to wonder if some stuff is just designed to be done with more than one person?

OP posts:
NormaSmuff · 19/02/2017 11:16

why should you get a flaming
i know how you feel

Original poster
callyforniacreamin · 19/02/2017 11:18

Thanks! I worried I'd get a flaming as mumsnet seems full of people who regularly eat alone in restaurants and dream of a Christmas alone!

OP posts:
NormaSmuff · 19/02/2017 11:25

that's true Grin

TheNoodlesIncident · 19/02/2017 11:26

I understand this OP, I'm finding it difficult to do even stuff round the house alone. I know I should just get on with things, but it seems so much drearier and harder to get started.

It is considerably more fun and enjoyable having a like-minded person to do things with, so YANBU

Katy07 · 19/02/2017 11:30

Well I dream of a Christmas alone and love being alone but I appreciate that some (quite a lot) of people prefer having company. So you're not unreasonable for wanting it, and I'm not for not wanting it. Weirdly, whenever I've tried googling stuff to do it brings me up things that aren't really designed for solo doing so maybe we could swap googles and then we'd both be happy Grin

Original poster
callyforniacreamin · 19/02/2017 11:34

Thank you those who understand. I feel like life's limited in many ways.

OP posts:
museumum · 19/02/2017 11:37

I work alone so often crave company in my leisure time. I like classes and clubs. If I had a week off I'd definitely do an arty or crafty class one day and I'd go to a few yoga classes. If I was going to a museum or similar I'd probably go to an organised talk rather than browse alone.

wobblywonderwoman · 19/02/2017 11:38

I think that is totally understandable. I am the opposite as my job is full on. 50 million people in my ear driving me around the bend most days and then come home to pre schoolers - so I have become odd and like being alone when I can.

But I totally get that social things - it is nice to have a bit of chat and share the memory with. I used to be like like... Before my oddness

BrownEyedLady · 19/02/2017 11:39

Are there any group things to do? Tours or group walks and stuff like that? My friends don't share the same interests as me so I end up going alone to stuff and usually end up chatting with others who have done the same.

TheWinterOfOurDiscountTents · 19/02/2017 11:46

What is the alternative though, if you are alone? Do nothing at all? You can find some groups to join, but its good if you can also get some enjoyment out of doing things by yourself.

Original poster
callyforniacreamin · 19/02/2017 11:49

This is the problem Winter. I also find doing things alone doesn't take much time. I can kill a whole day doing some things with somebody but on my own they take an hour tops which means I wonder if it's worth the money. And it's often more money alone too!

OP posts:
Trills · 19/02/2017 11:50

So you're not unreasonable for wanting it, and I'm not for not wanting it.

I agree.

TheWinterOfOurDiscountTents · 19/02/2017 11:52

I'm not following, sorry. How does it take an hour to do things alone that it takes all day to do in company? I can't imagine what type of things you mean.

Trills · 19/02/2017 11:52

So what are you going to do, apart from complain about your life being limited?

Make some friends who are teachers or on maternity leave or retired or unemployed so they can do stuff with you in the holidays?

BarbaraofSeville · 19/02/2017 11:54

What sort of things are you talking about and do you think you are missing out by not doing these things (it sounds like you do)?

I do lots of things alone because I don't have many close friends that have the same interests and DP works away a lot, so I have a lot of time alone (no DCs).

I quite like to do things alone because it means that I don't have to stick to other people's schedules - eg - I am going out for a walk some time today, but only decided where this morning, and am going 'soon' when I get off MN.

Other people would often want to plan exactly where and when days/months in advance, whereas I prefer to decide closer to the time - see what the weather will be like before finalising - I find the need to plan ages in advance and lack of flexibility a bit annoying.

But I have also joined a sports club to do a particular activity that can't really be done alone for safety reasons, so I can usually find someone in the club to join for the activity if I feel like it.

Or I sometimes do things with my mum and/or sister, but my sister is married with DCs so also likes to do things just as a family.

Have you tried to do the things alone?

OhTheRoses · 19/02/2017 11:55

I think if you don't take the plunge you'll be forever alone op. I quite like my own company though and have never had to have someone to do things with if I want to do them.

Interestingly MIL is quite similar - not particularly independent and questioned what I did alone as a young woman. Going to party conference, going to a debate and speaking up, etc. Volunteering to set up children's groups at church when nobody else would. MIL was also a primary school teacher and I think the mindset of a lot of teacher is to conform to the norms of their peers. I think that's why they liked school enough to have the ambition to become teachers. I think it's also why schools focus on round pegs in round holes but that's a whole other debate.

Original poster
callyforniacreamin · 19/02/2017 11:56

Trills this was what had me in two minds about starting the thread to be honest, there really is no need to be so rude to me.

Things that take an hour that can take all day - zoo, museum, walks (you don't notice much with someone else, but on my own I could never walk for hours even with audiobook/music)

I've got plenty of teacher-friends and have made some arrangements but I've still got big chunks of time.

OP posts:
BarbaraofSeville · 19/02/2017 12:15

Where do you live? I go walking in the Yorkshire Dales, Peak District, North York Moors alone all the time, usually walking for 3-5 hours plus rest stops (sticking to busy areas so I could find help if I needed it) and I really like the solitude to just clear my head and take in the fabulous landscape. It's nice to not have to talk to anyone or be sociable.

Maybe you're a different kind of person - there seems to be people who like being alone and others who like to be around people and/or talk a lot.

If you're the latter, maybe you aren't really going to be happy doing things alone and should look for groups to join instead. My widowed mum goes on trips on coach trips, partly because she doesn't drive, and partly for the company. Is there anything like this locally that you could do - she goes to the coast, markets, cities, National Trust attractions, all sorts of places.

Solo · 19/02/2017 12:15

I completely agree cally Thanks. I'm a single woman and also a single parent and I find it very difficult to do things on my own or as a single parent with my child. I thought I was the only one! I don't know what the answer is. I thought I was confident and I come across that way, but I don't do things on my own.

Solo · 19/02/2017 12:21

If I lived near walks like the Dales, I may very well get a dog and do those walks, but just going off on a walk alone would last an hour for me at most. I live nowhere near a lovely place to walk or sit...Does the OP? Is that your sort of thing cally ?

NormaSmuff · 19/02/2017 12:25

agree if you go to a castle or a museum, get an audio thing or join a tour of art gallery
otoh sometimes people on their own talk more to people while out and about

TalkingofMichaelAngel0 · 19/02/2017 12:27

I know what you mean. Im also a teacher and feel like i really wasted my holidays prekids as i didnt know what to do alone. Or want to do endless things alone. Even now, i can fill 6 weeks of summer with my children easily but when we dont have matching holidays (twice this year Angry ) i really struggle! Im meeting up with teacher friends for lunch one day next week but apart from that im cleaning and painting my house. My husband will be at work. And ive still two school runs a day to do so even if i did have more plans im time restricted.

The main issue is the money. I dont have much to spare and while i enjoy walking around the park with the children i dont want to do that alone. I wonder if i can borrow a dog...

Original poster
callyforniacreamin · 19/02/2017 12:27

Walking is nice but I do find it gets monotonous if I'm alone! I don't need to be around people all the time but I do find endlessly doing things alone a bit tedious.

OP posts:
coffeetasteslikeshit · 19/02/2017 12:32

You could borrow a dog from your local rehoming centre to take for a walk. Walks are always better with dogs.

Trills · 19/02/2017 12:33

If you think "what are you going to do about it?" is rude, you might find that AIBU is not your favourite forum.

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