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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Regarding date saying a had to 'earn' a present??

41 replies

ShaniaTwang · 16/02/2017 13:58

I was idly talking on a date about how I enjoy clothes, specifically dresses. No big deal, he asked me what I liked and I was talking about it.

To which he said 'are you dropping hints I should buy you a present? These things need to be earnt!'

Eh?! Is this usual date banter? I was taken aback!

OP posts:
NoCapes · 16/02/2017 14:01

No, he's a knob! Do not go out with him again

Shoxfordian · 16/02/2017 14:01

Earnt?! Tell him you'll buy your own dresses and block him

AmethystRaven · 16/02/2017 14:04

Sounds like he was saying 'sleep with me and I'll buy you a dress'.

PageStillNotFound404 · 16/02/2017 14:05

It's a mindset that's still not as uncommon as it should be but that doesn't make it normal or acceptable date banter. It's good that he gave you a little window into his view of women at the outset though, saves you wasting any more time on him.

ScarlettFreestone · 16/02/2017 14:06

Well at least you'll know not to waste any more time on him.

HelenaGWells · 16/02/2017 14:06

A present should never be earnt imo it should be given for an occasion and because you want to give it.

F1GI · 16/02/2017 14:07

Gross. Ditch!

ErrolTheDragon · 16/02/2017 14:08

These things need to be earnt!'

The things that need to be 'earnt' at the start of (and maintained throughout) are respect and trust.

Katy07 · 16/02/2017 14:09

Maybe he was trying to make a humorous comment (and failing)? Not all of us are great conversationalists - sometimes people say things in an attempt to be funny and it comes out wrong.

ErrolTheDragon · 16/02/2017 14:09

I missed out an 'of a relationship' somewhere in that but I expect you get the jist.

OrchidaceousRose · 16/02/2017 14:09

What a dick.

wettunwindee · 16/02/2017 14:13

patriarchy innit!

Seriously, if you were taken aback then it was inappropriate. I can understand this being okay if both understood that this is where the date was heading and there had been a lot of sexual flirting. I can also imagine that this was really crass and creepy and a little demeaning.

Yep. I'm getting splinters from the fence.

SmallBee · 16/02/2017 14:13

At best he has made an awkward comment he didn't really mean. I've done it and then was immediately embarrassed once it came out my mouth.

At worst he's an absolute fuck monkey that is not worth your time.

How was he apart from that? If he was ok I'd be inclined to give him a pass this time but if he said anything else like it I'd move on.

GeekyWombat · 16/02/2017 14:16

Who buys clothes as presents?!

expatinscotland · 16/02/2017 14:16

Dump. All this 'give him second/third/x chances' is the reason why the relationship board if full of women attached to utter dickheads. Presents are given, to hopefully give a bit of happiness to the receiver, not 'earnt'.

HeeHighls · 16/02/2017 14:18

People do talk about the strangest things on dates.
Did you ask him about his taste in shirts?

ScarlettFreestone · 16/02/2017 14:21

I agree with Expat this wasn't just a slightly awkward comment. It reveals that he thinks of relationships in transactional terms.

It's also deeply patronising. I'd have walked immediately.

Original poster
ShaniaTwang · 16/02/2017 14:23

Thanks all! That is exactly what presents are for, I agree.

OP posts:
ITCouldBeWorse · 16/02/2017 14:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SuperFlyHigh · 16/02/2017 14:29

Second twattish AIBU about idiot man on a date again...

No comments to make but I wouldn't be "dating" him again.

Emmageddon · 16/02/2017 14:41

This isn't the popcorn and coke greedyguts guy from the other thread is it? God, there are some knobbers about. Get rid.

Willow2016 · 16/02/2017 14:43

He asked you what you like then accused you of dropping hints for him to buy you stuff? Then seamlessly slid into making sure you know that he is up for present buying if you meet the right conditions.... fuck that.

What a jerk, you had a narrow escape there at least you know what he thinks about women now, run for the hills.

BenadrylCucumberpatch · 16/02/2017 14:53

He thinks you need to earn a present?! Angry
I'd be wondering how he thinks you could earn one, tbh.

The implication that he'd 'reward me' with a new dress if I earned brownie points would be enough for me.

What a Dick. Get rid OP.

ColdFeetinWinter · 16/02/2017 14:54

Please tell me you put him straight?

PageStillNotFound404 · 16/02/2017 14:56

I would have more sympathy for the repeated (here and elsewhere) attempts to excuse knobbish comments made by men on dates as "clumsy" or "came out wrong" if any of them were ever reported as having immediately followed up with an apology for having phrased whatever it was clumsily or otherwise acknowledging that what they said was inappropriate and correcting themselves. Yet they never do, do they?