Regarding date saying a had to 'earn' a present??

[ShaniaTwang]

I was idly talking on a date about how I enjoy clothes, specifically dresses. No big deal, he asked me what I liked and I was talking about it.

To which he said 'are you dropping hints I should buy you a present? These things need to be earnt!'

Eh?! Is this usual date banter? I was taken aback!

Emmageddon did wonder if it was the same man!!!

However there must be more than one twattish man in this universe and in UK.

Thank heavens I at long last have a nice one!

Seriously, if you were taken aback then it was inappropriate. I can understand this being okay if both understood that this is where the date was heading and there had been a lot of sexual flirting. I can also imagine that this was really crass and creepy and a little demeaning.

Sexual flirting is okay, but it shouldn't involve any mention of presents.

"Please don't drop hints that I should buy you something" -> Okay.
"Oh, do drop hints, but you are aware I demand sex in exchange for presents, right?" -> implying woman is a prostitute. Rude!

Also, he seems to be a really weird guy who thinks that you talking about enjoying something means you want him to buy it for you. Oo

This isn't the popcorn and coke greedyguts guy from the other thread is it?

They seem oddly similar.

I would call something like this out and say - Are you suggesting I become a prostitute?

I would have more sympathy for the repeated (here and elsewhere) attempts to excuse knobbish comments made by men on dates as "clumsy" or "came out wrong" if any of them were ever reported as having immediately followed up with an apology for having phrased whatever it was clumsily or otherwise acknowledging that what they said was inappropriate and correcting themselves. Yet they never do, do they?

Yeah. Another hint is that they don't seem to be socially awkward in other ways.
I used to know a guy who was really socially awkward, and most men wanted nothing to do with him, either. Put his foot in his mouth every couple of hours, at the very least.

Wrong on so many levels. Firstly why did he think you were trying to get him to buy you a dress? And secondly telling you you need to earn it is horrid,it's simply eugh all round.

Oh, do drop hints, but you are aware I demand sex in exchange for presents, right?

Your inference is as valid as any other, but he didn't demand sex for presents. In fact, there was no mention of sex and he certianly didn't demand anything.

wettunwindee so what's your take on how he thought a present would be earned? What would he expect her to do to earn a present from him?

God knows. Pay for dinner. Wash his car.

It isn't a comment which would make me fall head-over-heels in love with a date but I can equally think of scenarios where it is a flirtatious, sexually charged allusion.

I've said that if the OP felt the comment was appropriate then he shouldn't have said it.

Suggesting misogyny and that he was calling her a prostitute are obtuse.

I would have more sympathy for the repeated (here and elsewhere) attempts to excuse knobbish comments made by men on dates as "clumsy" or "came out wrong" if any of them were ever reported as having immediately followed up with an apology for having phrased whatever it was clumsily or otherwise acknowledging that what they said was inappropriate and correcting themselves. Yet they never do, do they?
Well as the OP hasn't told us anything that was said by either party after that point we don't know if he apologised or was even made aware that he'd said the wrong thing! It amazes me how people can assume he was expecting sex or whatever when he's made one jokey comment. It must be great to be perfect conversationalists like so many MNers seem to be

Katy it's not about being a perfect conversationalist it's about showing respect.

Even on the most favourable reading this is a deeply patronising comment. It implies:

The OP is a gold digger hinting that a man she's on a first date with should buy her a present.

It implies that she can't/won't buy her own dresses

It implies that a dress could potentially be earned by good behaviour (of whatever nature). The OP is a grown woman - she doesn't need behaviour rewards!

However generous you might be feeling towards this guy this comment reveals some very concerning attitudes to women and relationships.

It's not patronising unless you decide to read it that way. It could just as easily be that the OP was rattling away about dresses, he thought 'god what do I say, she's going on about clothes and I have no idea what to say in return, I know I'll make a joke about presents because you buy presents for people you like so she'll think I'm interested...' Or he might have thought 'jees, how long is she going to go on about dresses for? How can I wind the conversation up? Oh I'll just toss a funny comment in and then she'll stop talking long enough for me to introduce a topic we can both talk about and then we can have a conversation rather than a monologue where I smile and nod.'
That's just two alternatives off the top of my head. The first is someone struggling to make conversation (about dresses). The second is someone wanting to have a decent conversation. Neither implies that the OP is a gold digger.
To be honest, deciding from that one reported comment that the guy is patronising etc. says more about the women on here. Whatever happened to taking people at face value when you're getting to know them? Why look for the worst? Particularly when they're a complete stranger who isn't even getting to put forward their point of view!

I disagree. Yes I can imagine wittering on about clothes would be boring on a date but you buy people presents because you want to buy people presents and I would take the "earning your present" remark as a sign of him viewing women as a commodity.
If the OP otherwise liked him she'd have pulled him up on the remark to clarify it not talk about it on here.

What brasty said - a prostitute who gets paid in dresses? He's got a nice attitude

RUN!

Yuck. That is all.

God knows. Pay for dinner. Wash his car.

Um no. I don't think he was imagining the OP washing his car.

OP, this was just another version of 'If you play your cards right...'