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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

The keys to my home

42 replies

bonkersman · 11/02/2017 07:45

Years ago when bonkers and Mrs bonkers were newly married it began to dawn on bonkers that he had acquired not just a wife but her parents as well.

Said PIL lived in an idyllic village in the west country and spent their time doing the best part of f*ck all not a lot.

Despite their non-strenuous existence they assumed they could invite themselves to bonkers several times a year and with each visit they would sit on their backsides and expect to be waited on.

This was particularly true at Christmas when they came for a full week every year. Eventually bonkers got tired of this and booked a week away between Christmas and New Year.

When she was told of this the look on bonkers' MILs' face was a picture as she wailed "but we'll be coming to you..."

Was bonkers being unreasonable not to schedule his life around his psychotic MILs "holiday" needs?

OP posts:
Trifleorbust · 11/02/2017 08:06

Not at all. What did Mrs Bonkers think?

hesterton · 11/02/2017 08:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hesterton · 11/02/2017 08:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

itseasybeingcheesy · 11/02/2017 08:11

Not U at all bonkers. Brave. Very brave indeed.

I presume mrs bonkers was all gung ho for said holiday and isn't being dragged into it?

omnishamblesssssssssssssss · 11/02/2017 08:11

Tell the IL's you all need a proper rest as your lives are so hectic

Original poster
bonkersman · 11/02/2017 08:33

Mrs bonkers was fine with going away. She loves her parents (everyone else finds her mother hard work)

OP posts:
TupperwareTat · 11/02/2017 08:34

Keys?

Chloe84 · 11/02/2017 08:36

Not unreasonable at all.

But you can't go on holiday everytime you want to avoid them!

Do they just turn up?

dowhatnow · 11/02/2017 08:39

Agree some boundaries with Mrs bonkers and make sure they are relayed and stuck to. No need for extreme measures like holidays that aren't really wanted.

dowhatnow · 11/02/2017 08:40

By the way you are bonkers. What's all this about keys?

elodie2000 · 11/02/2017 08:44

Do the bonkers parents IL have a set of keys? They'll probably turn up anyway - even if you do go away.

BertrandRussell · 11/02/2017 08:49

What does Mrs Bonkers think of all this?

Why is the non strenuous nature of their existence relevant?

What made you think that marrying someone means they detached themselves completely from their family of origin?

GrassWillBeGreener · 11/02/2017 09:09

I'm reminded of my uncle planning a trip to Australia and NZ. He told my parents they'd be coming to us first just after Christmas. Completely refused to believe that we would be away. Completely refused to accept that their return flights would stop in Sydney again anyway so could they visit us last instead of first. In the end my younger sister and I had to fly on our own to a summer music course and our parents followed later - I was 14 I think.

AntiGrinch · 11/02/2017 09:11

Bonkers, you sound horrible
"acquired" - is that what happens you get married? you acquire some property?
Why are you so sneery about the fact that these presumably retired people have a relaxed lifestyle?
Do you think that your visitors should wait on you - as they don't work hard when at home, they should have energy to spare when at yours, perhaps?
Why do we not hear anything about what your wife thinks of the situation with her parents? And what she thinks about the proposed week away - you say "you" booked it. What kind of discussion did you have about it?

If you and your wife aren't able to collectively and kindly manage a situation where you both (?) need a little more space from your PILs, particularly during Christmas holidays for a change, then I am not sure that you are singing from the same hymn sheet. Can we hear more about that please? And why you feel this is something for you to manage alone?

Can we hear about the "keys" things please?

ChuckSnowballs · 11/02/2017 09:11

Isolation from family - hmm, where have I heard about that particular trait before?

Megatherium · 11/02/2017 09:20

AntiGrinch, don't be silly, a gentle complaint that people constantly expect to be waited on does not equate to an expectation that they will wait on you. It simply means that you would expect most regular visitors to contribute a bit, e.g. by helping with clearing dishes, offering to do the washing up, making tea for everyone etc.

AntiGrinch · 11/02/2017 09:21

Mega, sure but the resentment in Bonkers' tone, along with the digs about how leisured their life usually is, sounds really not very nice. It's a bit more bitter than "I wish they'd make the odd cup of tea!"

AntiGrinch · 11/02/2017 09:22

For some people, especially older people, it is the norm to be waited on as guests (and they treat people the same in their houses). Mega obviously doesn't buy into this code but his fuming resentment of it is very ugly

Trifleorbust · 11/02/2017 09:23

Megatherium: I'm not old and I don't remotely expect that of regular visitors. They are guests - I will make the tea and if I can't for any reason I will ask for help.

happypoobum · 11/02/2017 09:27

What does this have to do with keys?

If you think ILS are visiting too often you need to discuss with your wife. If you think they are lazy fuckers you tell her you won't be waiting on them hand and foot or you say you will be away yourself.

Megatherium · 11/02/2017 09:59

When I'm staying with friends or relatives for any length of time, I would certainly insist help with things like clearing and washing up, and would be very uncomfortable with being waited on all the time.

Trifleorbust · 11/02/2017 10:58

Megatherium: Sorry, I agree if you are staying

TheMaddHugger · 11/02/2017 11:07

Stand your ground bonkersman

You are not being unreasonable

BertrandRussell · 11/02/2017 11:35

"Stand your ground bonkersman

You are not being unreasonable"

How can you possibly know that?

Chloe84 · 11/02/2017 11:44

I think OP's wife wanting to go away over Xmas to avoid her parents tells us she agrees with OP.

Several visits over the course of a year is exhausting.

I think OP would have got a more sympathetic response if he was female.