The keys to my home

[bonkersman]

Years ago when bonkers and Mrs bonkers were newly married it began to dawn on bonkers that he had acquired not just a wife but her parents as well.

Said PIL lived in an idyllic village in the west country and spent their time doing the best part of f*ck all not a lot.

Despite their non-strenuous existence they assumed they could invite themselves to bonkers several times a year and with each visit they would sit on their backsides and expect to be waited on.

This was particularly true at Christmas when they came for a full week every year. Eventually bonkers got tired of this and booked a week away between Christmas and New Year.

When she was told of this the look on bonkers' MILs' face was a picture as she wailed "but we'll be coming to you..."

Was bonkers being unreasonable not to schedule his life around his psychotic MILs "holiday" needs?

Have read your other thread bonkersman. And both threads have set me thinking ...

What is the relationship between your wife and her family like? It's clear that you think they treat her badly; take , take, take without giving. Is there sibling rivalry? Is your wife the Family Scapegoat to her sister's Golden Child? You've described your MIL as a domineering bully. What sort of things does she bully your wife over?

And yes - what about the keys to your home? It;s the title of the thread, but you forgot to actually tell us about them. Although I'll take a stab in the dark, assume your PIL's have a set and you're concerned they might come to stay regardless of you and Mrs Bonkers not being there. In which case, change the locks and don't tell them. (New barrels for Yale-type locks are only about £10 and take minutes to swap over.)

you really are blessed with your inlaws aren't you? ...it was you with the SIL and the dinner out wasn't it?

MrsBonkers didn't necessarily want to go away. She was "fine" with it. After Bonkers booked it.

BertrandRussell Sat 11-Feb-17 11:35:02
"Stand your ground bonkersman
You are not being unreasonable"
How can you possibly know that?

How do you know i am wrong ??😜

OP, if you want help with your inlaw issues, I know a far better forum. MP me

"BertrandRussell Sat 11-Feb-17 11:35:02
"Stand your ground bonkersman
You are not being unreasonable"
How can you possibly know that?

How do you know i am wrong ??😜"

I don't. Of course. Which is why giving unconditional support to a poster whose style is distinctly odd and who might well be perfectly justified but who also might be a controlling arsehole is a big mistake.

you really are blessed with your inlaws aren't you? ...it was you with the SIL and the dinner out wasn't it?

Was that the thread where SIL made OP pay for their meal after inviting them to dinner?

I think 'keys to my home' is metaphorical i.e. PIL may as well have keys because they see OP's home as a second home.

Screw that OP. YANBU.

It's yours and MrsBonkers home, not a bloody hotel for them to use when they wish for weeks on end.

I have been known to hide in the bedroom with Mr BC when his parents come round uninvited at the weekends! We actually CRAWL along the floor as the front door has glass that you can see in so they once saw us dash passed and phoned Mr BC to say "oh! are you tidying? we will wait in the car then"

NO! Fuck off! We were eating custard creams in our jim jams and the house is a tip, sod OFF!

And I lurve how some ppl are reading into this post that MrBonkers is "controlling" and "isolating" MrsBonkers. FFS, she agrees with her husband but has most probably been used to giving in to her parents and siblings demands all her life. So who is more controlling? Her husband or her parents that use her home like a hotel and expects MrsBonkers to be their in live maid?

I was my families scapegoat (and spent most of my teenage years like cinderella) until I snapped and told most of them to fuck off.

Stand your ground bonkersman
You are not being unreasonable

How can you possibly know that?

How can we possibly know anyone on here is being unreasonable or reasaonable? Apply that rule generally and AIBU ceases to exist.

"How can we possibly know anyone on here is being unreasonable or reasaonable? Apply that rule generally and AIBU ceases to exist."

Well, normally when they engage on the thread and give a bit more information?

For example- badcat is not being unreasonable.

Bonkersman-who knows?

I suspect the tone is a joke tinged with truth - a kind of dry wit if you will. People who are easily offended don't understand this kind of humour...

No it's not unreasonable to have your own life for you and your wife rather than considering the in-laws first and foremost. As long as your wife is happy to go on holiday then. Are they going to make her 'pay' for eternity though?

You sound like a bit of a pompous prat. I get the feeling you're aiming for 'charmingly quirky' in your writing style but instead it comes across as 'annoying twat'.

But YANBU to go away over Christmas if your wife is ok with it.

I assume that the "keys to his home" refers to the PIL's sense of entitlement that they assume they can come there whenever they want to rather than when they are actually invited.

Yes you do acquire your partner's family when you marry them in that they become your family.

As long as Mrs Bonkers (your wife) wanted to go away at Christmas then you have done nothing wrong. PILs will have to sort themselves out and either find other servants for the holiday period or do it themselves.

Have a fab Christmas away - we went to the Far East last Christmas and loved it. Hope its somewhere lovely.

pretty sure it was chloe84

I am sure the OP will be back to update us soon. Or maybe his wife.

AIBU to think that my dh seems to hate all of my family

Apologies for the confusion but bonkersman is now MrBonkers. I won't change it again.

Thank for for your replies and yes the tone is slightly tongue in cheek, MrBonkers having reached the age where he is less inclined to put up with mickey takers.

MrsBonkers realises that not everyone appreciates her controlling mother as much as she does and we agree to differ.

The issue here is manipulative/controlling/bullying styles of parenting and the harm they can do, one symptom being the assumption that they can simply invite themselves into your home whenever suits them. When these requests get pushed back they get more cunning, giving irrefutable reasons for a visit such as being on a journey and needing a break.

I'll post some MIL stories when I have a moment.