Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to say something to nursery

33 replies

hangryandhormonal · 08/02/2017 13:03

Got told on Monday this week at picking up time that DS needed nappies. Simply that, nothing more, nothing less. It was ex's turn to provide nappies so text and asked him or his gf to take some in as it's their run on a Tuesday.

Received a text from ex gf's to say that nursery have told her that DS had run out of nappies the week before and was borrowing from others.

Called nursery to find out what was going on to be told by the office staff that there had been a struggle to get nappies off me and they had been asking since last week. I am LIVID. I pay a ridiculous amount each week for him to go to that nursery why would I begrudge an extra £3/4 on a pack of nappies!?

What has irritated me more is that they have said all this to ex's gf - it's difficult enough maintaining a civilised relationship with them both without nursery shit stirring as well. They'll be sat at home calling me an unfit mother for not providing nappies when actually, I'm just not a mind reader!

WIBU to say something tonight to nursery even though I've already phoned? I can't stop thinking about it and feel so annoyed but I am 8 weeks pregnant and could be slightly irrational!

OP posts:
SheRaaarghPrincessOfPower · 08/02/2017 13:06

I wouldn't make a big things of it, just say to the key worker that there appears to have been a break in communication, and if they need anything they're to contact you. No biggie.

Original poster
hangryandhormonal · 08/02/2017 13:31

Thanks, that sounds much more reasonable than the conversation I have been having over and over in my head! I'm just annoyed that his key worker has obviously messed up by not asking last week and is now fibbing to cover up. I should be able to trust the woman looking after my child not to tell lies!

I've just thought, I haven't noticed him in any borrowed nappies this week unless they are borrowing off a child who uses the exact same brand and size every day. I'm cross again now.

OP posts:
EpoxyResin · 08/02/2017 13:36

Does he have a little book they write in each day? Ask them to always write it in that in future, then it'll be in there for both parents to see whenever each has him.

Original poster
hangryandhormonal · 08/02/2017 13:39

They used send a sheet of paper home each night with details of meals, naps etc. plus if anything was needed they'd write it on the bottom. They don't do this in his new room for some reason, as it was most helpful and would obviously avoid these kind of issues!

OP posts:
emmyhNL · 08/02/2017 13:40

What epoxy said. We've had similar misses in communications and it does my head in

HookandSwan · 08/02/2017 13:42

I would ask in future that any concerns they have that they ring you up directly! As I think it's really out of order for the nursery to be talking to your child's girlfriend about issues they have with you.

I'm a nanny I worked in nursery and we would never of spoken about a parent like that.

HarryPottersMagicWand · 08/02/2017 13:43

Can you tell nursery they have to discuss these things with you, not yoyr ex's girlfriend as you won't be told the correct information? Surely they should be doing this anyway.

NoCleanClothes · 08/02/2017 13:43

I definitely think you're making too big a deal of things, sounds like a miscommunication. As PP suggested just let them know that you hadn't realised he was out of nappies and it needs to be made clear to YOU in future. I really doubt anyone deliberately lied it's probably just not an issue that was given much thought.

Yukbuck · 08/02/2017 13:44

I wouldn't get worked up about it at all. It's just a mis communication isn't it? We all make mistakes. Perhaps one member of staff had thought another member of staff had already asked you. No one is going to think you are an unfit mother just because you didn't know you child had run out of nappies.
Also.... it's very likely another child will be in the same size and brand nappy.

Original poster
hangryandhormonal · 08/02/2017 13:47

Hook and Harry - I've tried to stress this to nursery on numerous occasions and when I called about this issue I said it could add fuel to the fire.

I must stress I normally love the nursery but this has really annoyed me.

Nocleanclothes - thank you for looking at it objectively for me, I don't know why I'm struggling to let this go!

OP posts:
Original poster
hangryandhormonal · 08/02/2017 13:51

And Yukbuck thank you too. Ex & his gf would jump on the slightest thing to call me out on but that's another story for another day Smile

I am being U then ha! I know it could be likely but I clearly want to find fault today - can I blame the little bean!?

OP posts:
SheRaaarghPrincessOfPower · 08/02/2017 13:55

I don't think you're being unreasonable, and it sounds like there's other stuff going on.

I think I'd take in a couple of huge bags of nappies, just to make sure they had enough ;)

NapQueen · 08/02/2017 13:58

Don't you just send a bag with stuff in each day? Then whoever drops son off has the responsibility of sending enough stuff for that day

Original poster
hangryandhormonal · 08/02/2017 14:05

Haha thanks SheRaaargh I'm definitely going to take some wipes in tomorrow before they ask! Smile super gf has taken two bags of nappies in already though!

NapQueen - No they prefer bulk nappies and wipes and are meant to tell me when they are running low. I think I'll just start taking them/asking ex to take them at the beginning of each month to avoid this again!

OP posts:
EdenX · 08/02/2017 14:09

I don't really see the issue - so they asked the gf last week, she didn't bring any so they asked you yesterday? Where's the problem, just bring nappies in.

Original poster
hangryandhormonal · 08/02/2017 14:14

EdenX no they didn't ask anybody last week, they asked me on Monday this week then told the gf he has been out of nappies since last week and borrowing from other children. They said they had asked me but they hadn't, that's why I'm annoyed because it looks as though I've ignored a request and left him without but I never had the request for more. Ex/gf didn't collect last week as something came up so they couldn't have asked them and they definitely did not mention to me.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 08/02/2017 14:17

Surely the issue here is lack of communication between you and the ex/his girlfriend.

Not sure what the nursery have done wrong really!

HAnooo · 08/02/2017 14:17

This would be something that would annoy me too. I'd ask them not to be speaking to your ex's gf and if there's any problems to get hold of you.

Proudmummytodc2 · 08/02/2017 14:18

I don't think you are being unreasonable.

I would be pissed off about lies getting made up about me because they made an error not to ask you, after all it falls to them to tell you what you need and when and they failed to do this they tried to put the blame on to you.

no chance I would not be standing for this and I would also be telling them that if they have anything to say they say it to me not the gf.

OurBlanche · 08/02/2017 14:18

Ex/gf didn't collect last week as something came up so they couldn't have asked them and they definitely did not mention to me. Put that in writing, remind the key worker, manager etc, that they need to contact both parents as and when necessary. Remind them that 'miscommunication' on their part can cause a lot of unnecessary angst.

They should do better!

diamondsforapril · 08/02/2017 14:18

That would really annoy me as well, hangry so I sympathise. I think I would take a stronger and more formal tone with instructing them to ensure requests are done through you: you are the paying customer.

Original poster
hangryandhormonal · 08/02/2017 14:28

Sirzy - how are you coming to that conclusion? Nursery asked me for nappies on Monday. I text the gf asking her to take some. Nursery then tell her this morning they have been asking since last week which is simply not true!

Thank you for the next few replies, I like it when people agree with me haha but those that think I am being OTT I appreciate too because I know it's just nappies and I know he's got some now, it's just how it's come about.

Those who have mentioned nursery discussing with me only - I will reiterate that again tonight. I keep thinking about the phone call, I could hear the lady I spoke to telling the other one "it could add fuel to the fire" I could almost hear her pulling her face!

OP posts:
melj1213 · 08/02/2017 15:42

HangryandHormonal Sounds like a breakdown of communication but the nursery doesn't seem to be helping either by having different stories of who they told what to, and when ... this is why the communication diary was invented, to stop this he said/she said scenario, and so that with blended families the information could get to the main carer, even if that wasn't who was picking the child up. It could just as easily have been a grandparent doing pickups, having the child for a few hours then genuinely forgetting to pass on the message ... different nursery worker the following day assumes you know as they were told "Oh, we mentioned X's nappies at pickup yesterday" and just waits for the delivery until you get a "reminder" of something you were never told about in the first place!

Could you ask them why they don't do a daily info sheet in his new room if they did it in the old one? Or ask if they could write down any important information in a notebook you'll leave in DS's bag to make sure it gets home?

I know that for a while, one of my friends did this with nursery as her Ex had their son EOW - he would pick their DS up from nursery once midweek , every week, but then on his weekend he would collect from nursery on Friday and drop him off on Monday but never passed on any information he was told on the Friday, so mum would do the pick up on Monday and would have to ask if there was any info from Friday ... and of course they might not remember what was said/weren't in that day so things were getting missed and it was becoming a huge thing, so she bought a cheap spiral bound notebook, stuck it in DS's backpack and then if he needed anything, they'd grab the notebook and write a quick note in "03/02/17 - DS running low on wipes, new pack required before the end of next week 06/02/17 DS needed a full change but no clean t-shirt in his bag, only trousers/vest/jumper so have put him in one of our spare Tshirts" etc that way information was definitely making it to the person it needed to get to, and there was a written reminder so she didn't forget!

Also, since they like you to send stuff in bulk it's easy to forget exactly when you last dropped stuff off, so in future, when you send stuff in, maybe make a note in your own diary. That way, you can work out roughly when that quantity should run out so you know when to expect them to ask for more, and if they don't ask you can check in yourself. So if he usually goes to nursery 5 days a week, gets through two nappies while he's there, and you send a full box of 64 in, then they should last just over five weeks ... if it gets to a months time and nobody has mentioned needing a top up soon, you can ask them yourself about the number of nappies he has left and when they'd like you to bring the next batch in for.

Original poster
hangryandhormonal · 08/02/2017 16:05

Mel - thanks so much for that response Smile

I am going to ask why they don't do it anymore and also put a notebook in his bag and see if they will be willing to fill out - can't see why not! I'm also going to make a note as well like you suggested so I can keep an eye roughly when they should be due. Thanks again, really helpful.

It's nearly time to go so I've thought a little more rationally about what I'm going to say now!

OP posts:
bumsexatthebingo · 08/02/2017 16:10

Sounds like the office staff were supposed to ask you and forgot but instead of saying that pretended they had asked and you hadn't brought them in. This would annoy me tbh and I would make sure the nursery and gf knew you had no such request.