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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask about joint accounts and dividing finances

49 replies

isthismummy · 07/02/2017 11:37

I'm curious as to how those in relationships manage their joint accounts (if they have one of courseSmile

Finance and I are just waiting for paperwork to come through on joint account we have just opened.

We are planning to also open a savings account and put a percentage into it each month. We have decided to have all our salaries paid into joint account( DF earns a little bit more than me, but only about £200 a month) All in all we will have around £2200 a month going in. We are going to switch all Direct Debits to joint account as well.

We will keep our own bank accounts as well. I also have an isa into which I will be putting a small inheritance sum I will be getting this year.

We decided to just keep all our money in joint account as most of our spending is on things that mutually benefit us anyway. However when I discussed this with DM she was horrified! She said I should always make sure I have my "own" money and that it would be more sensible to keep our own bank accounts and transfer a set amount to joint every month?

Is she sensible! Am I? What do other people do? We're getting married in June, so we both believe that all our money will be joint money anyway. Are we wrong?

OP posts:
Westfox · 07/02/2017 11:41

We have always done it the way that you are planning. No major problems at all.

sonyaya · 07/02/2017 11:41

My fiancé and I have a joint account which we both pay into equally for the mortgage and other bills, and will usually use it to pay for meals out and in the supermarket etc.

We have separate accounts too, a lot of this is because I am self employed so a lot of the money I receive is for tax/VAT/other overheads and he wouldn't know. I don't think I would like not to have my own accounts at all as I feel I would lose the right to be frivolous with my money if it was all joint money!

I don't think you're not being sensible as such. Technically if you or he drained the joint account there'd be nothing you could do but hopefully that's unlikely.

frenchfancy · 07/02/2017 11:42

You are not wrong if it works for you. We have only joint accounts. With hindsight I wish I had kept my account and paid myself £100 or so each month just so I could buy things without everything being visible - even if it was just a present for DH.

FlyWaxSleepRepeat · 07/02/2017 11:45

DH earns about 4x what I do. We've always had one joint current account and joint savings account. Separate credit cards that, if used, get cleared monthly from the joint account.

I have 3k in an isa in my name only, for no other reason than I did it over the phone and it never occurred to me to add DH's name.

EyeStye · 07/02/2017 11:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wettunwindee · 07/02/2017 11:47

We have done what you do OP with no problems over the years. At different we've leapfrogged each other with earnings.

We do both get a smallish amount of money a month to be frivolous with. As someone else, said, even if it's just to buy a present for each other / not have him whining about the cost of a Starbucks.

lalalalyra · 07/02/2017 11:52

Do you have similar personal spending habits?

We have a joint account that all money goes in - all bills come out of this account and it's used for food shopping/kids expenses etc. Joint savings account that a set sum is transferred into. Then we have personal accounts which we transfer a set amount each into each month - DH is a fritterer who spends his on takeaway coffees, magazines and his hobby whereas I'm a saver who tends to go away for a weekend with friends or buy something big. DH felt like he was 'getting' more than me so we set it up this way to make sure it's completely fair. We also have a savings account each.

It's fine if it works for you and you have similar outlooks. If one is a spender and one is a saver then it could get annoying.

ASqueakingInTheShrubbery · 07/02/2017 11:53

We each put about the same into the joint account, which covers the bills and ideally a bit extra for unplanned expenses like household repairs. We also put in any windfalls that are intended to be shared, like a cash Christmas present from my parents, or an inheritance that we used to refit the bathroom. Everything else is kept separately but shared if needed - the money for DH's new car came from my savings because there wasn't enough in the joint account. We have different approaches to money - I save, but DH spends it if it's there. If we need to have to price of a second-hand car available, I need to put it out of sight. It's not secret, but if it was in an account he could get at, he'd find a project to do with it. I earn a bit more, so I do the bulk of the grocery shopping, which pretty much evens it up.

selfmademums · 07/02/2017 11:55

Hi There, I have just done a youtube video on this to help others handle their money too. It took me a while to get a handle on our joint money as it's just not taught anywhere. I have done this for years now and it works for me as a stress-free way to handle money. See what you think

LoupGarou · 07/02/2017 11:55

We have a four joint accounts:

  1. Bills account (including food shopping)
  2. Current account
  3. Short term savings/emergency fund
  4. Long term savings

All money going in is household money, it gets split between the accounts. Anything in the current account is for fun spending. It's worked for us for years Smile

LoupGarou · 07/02/2017 11:56

I should have added that neither of us have individual accounts either.

Lazyafternoon · 07/02/2017 11:58

We started a joint account when we first moved in together. We both put in the same to cover rent, bills, food and a bit extra 'just in case'. Everything else we paid for separately, though DP would normally pay if we went out as he earnt more.

Since we got married and even more so since we had DS and I went part time then SAHM, DH put most of his salary into the joint account and almost everything comes out of that. I'd transfer a little bit every now and again into my account, particularly to buy DH birthday presents etc. I've now got my own little part time job and I put 3/4 of that into joint account, just leaving myself enough for little treats.

DH manages the money and although I've got access to the account, it's him who tells me we are skint and it's beans not beef for the shopping this week!

notangelinajolie · 07/02/2017 12:00

Everything joint for us. All money is ours and it doesn't matter to us who earns it or who spends it.

ShotsFired · 07/02/2017 12:10

Wow, this is a can of worms opening right here!

OP there was a similar thread recently where that OP basically accused anyone who didn't buy into their way of "joint account only" was somehow less committed and less in love who knew a joint account was proof of better standard of love

I for one would never give up my own bank account, but would consider an additional joint account for bills. Independence is hard fought for and not easily regained once lost.

milliemolliemou · 07/02/2017 12:11

Most people I know have individual accounts and a joint account into which they put a regular (and sometimes proportional) amount each. Surely it's horses for courses? The critical thing is that both people on the joint account know what's going on with it, eg if A takes out a loan B doesn't know about and push comes to shove, B is also liable.

minipie · 07/02/2017 12:13

Joint current account - all our earnings go in
Joint savings account
Separate credit cards and a joint credit card - all get paid off from the joint current account
We have some unwritten "rules" which are (1) we discuss any personal purchases over a certain amount and (2) if one of us is about to pay a big bill we tell the other so we don't go overdrawn by accident.

We are both savers rather than spenders by nature and the account is usually fairly comfortably in credit which makes things easier and avoids bounced payments etc.

If one is a spender and one is a saver then it could get annoying. I agree with this, though I have to say if DH was a spender I'd still find that annoying even if we had separate accounts - I'd still feel it was all family money (wherever it was kept) and he was wasting it!

Strifae64 · 07/02/2017 12:14

My wife and I do as your DM suggested. We have our own current accounts which our separate wages get paid into and we pay a set amount each into the joint account to cover all bills and a "kitty" for food shopping each month. We obviously top up more or use our own accounts as needed otherwise.

Personally I don't think marriage, owning a home together or even having our children changes having our own separate pots of money for our own things while still having a joint account for family things.

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 07/02/2017 12:15

Fly - ISAs are only allowed in sole names.

This is how we manage our money and we've never had a problem. DH doesn't work at the moment, but when he did it was the same.

We do have our own accounts but don't use them anymore. They were opened pre-relationship and it was easier to open a new one than change a sole to a joint (staff member so hilariously antiquated service Hmm)

WhoisthisHans · 07/02/2017 12:15

My fiancé and I are on substantially different incomes to each other.
We have a joint account for which we both contribute an equal percentage of our income each, and we keep the rest in our separate accounts. The joint account covers bills, rent, joint expenses, and we use our separate accounts to do our own thing.
It seemed the fairest way at the time. If we split our outgoings 50/50, he would never have been able to afford it and I'd have ended up with tonnes of spare cash. We budget each month and figure out what equal % gets us to that figure. So far it's been between 50 and 60%. Means I have 40% for me.

ShotsFired · 07/02/2017 12:16

If you're married it's all joint regardless of whose name it is in

I also fundamentally disagree with marriage somehow magically transforming every penny into a joint pot for the other to spend at will. Even more so when relationships are often formed later in life when people have built up [significant] savings and investments, not like 16yo sweethearts with not a penny to their respective names at the start.

We never know what tomorrow can bring, and my OH could just as easily clear out a joint pot as easily as the next "I know he'd never do that" partner of anyone else reading these boards.

(One other thought - if one of us got ID-frauded, that could also have serious consequences if everything was jointed up)

Oly5 · 07/02/2017 12:23

We have a joint account where all money goes BUT we also transfer a set equal amount Each month to our own accounts for frivolous spending.
We get to spend that cash on whatever we like. I need that element of freedom

NoCleanClothes · 07/02/2017 12:28

We have a joint bank account and joint savings account. Since my DH works much longer hours I sort out the finances and he only has a vague idea about outgoings and what's in our savings account but obviously could access it if he wanted to. We have no separate money at all.

HelenaGWells · 07/02/2017 12:30

We used to have separate accounts then pay most things into joint. We both found it annoying and discovered that we never used our separate accounts. We just have one account now for everything. We both have full access. Any purchases over £30 or so we discuss first.

We both have our own credit cards as well but we both know how much ison the others card and payments come from joint account. We mainly use these to raise our credit rating. We also use them for presents so the joint bank account does come up with things like £20 at amazon etc at Christmas.

Original poster
isthismummy · 07/02/2017 12:30

Thanks for the replies everyone. Really interesting to read about people's approaches.

My fiancé is definitely not a spender. He doesn't treat himself enough if anything. We both have very similar spending styles and don't even buy big purchases out of our separate accounts without discussing it.

I was really excited about joint account until I spoke to DM. I was looking to no more discussions about who buys what our of which account. Trying to make it fair was getting on both our nerves.

Think we will stick to original plan, but pop £100 each a month in our separate accounts. It never occurred to me about buying presents etc. Not much point in treating your oh if they can see it on the bank statementSmile

OP posts:
PoundingTheStreets · 07/02/2017 12:30

There's lots of different ways of doing it.

DP and I have a joint mortgage and a joint account. We can each access each other's sole accounts, too.

I got burned by a joint account once, so would never have my wages paid into a joint account anymore as I feel the need to know I can stop access and protect myself immediately in the event of needing to. However, I feel quite strongly that a couple - particularly one with children - should consider all money joint money, and a joint account is the simplest way of arranging that.