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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBP (precious) - expectations of 13 month old

28 replies

dontbesillyhenry · 03/02/2017 13:04

The baby has just learnt to walk.
Am I being ridiculously precious in thinking asking them to find a hidden doll, go and sit with mummy, sing into the microphone and kick/roll/throw a football is just slightly too much?

OP posts:
NarkyMcDinkyChops · 03/02/2017 13:06

Its far too much. Who expects that?

ElspethFlashman · 03/02/2017 13:08

Whoever is asking that doesn't know much about kids. 13 months old babies simply aren't that advanced. It'll be another year before they can kick a ball, FFS!

Original poster
dontbesillyhenry · 03/02/2017 13:10

Its a stupid music class he goes to, he's been moved up to the 'toddler' group with some kids a whole year older than him. He just stands there staring at them blankly or walks round the room. 'back to Mummy, sit on Mummys lap' they say and he just stares at them...

OP posts:
NapQueen · 03/02/2017 13:11

Depends on how specific that list is. If it's their favourite doll/toy then hands out and asking "where's dolly?" May be understood and the 13mo would look around their immediate are.

Rolling a ball - don't all toddlers love chucking stuff? Am sure they can roll it too.

Mine more often than not came to me when I opened my arms to them.

ovenchips · 03/02/2017 13:13

It would certainly be too much expecting your baby to do those things that they are being asked (by someone else I presume)!

But not harmful to them to be asked, if asked kindly, and from what you've written, could just be this (mystery) person's way of interacting with your baby? Which is maybe a bit different to yours.

TheresABluebirdOnMyShoulder · 03/02/2017 13:18

Some of these baby groups are bloody crap. I've been suckered in on a few occasions by all the professional looking marketing and Facebook pages etc. but I am convinced that some of these group leaders don't have a single relevant qualification. My friend and I just enrolled for a couple of taster sessions at a messy play group aimed at 6+ months. First session was Monday and some of the stuff was just outright dangerous. Tiny little loose jingle bells and beads everywhere that were a choking hazard. It was ridiculous. We left before the end of the session.

I think it's a similar issue to your group. I just don't think it's that easy to provide an activity that is stimulating and appropriate for a wide range of ages when they are so young. Babies and toddlers are different animals. Although I still think tiny jingle bells are a choking hazard for a toddler too.

Original poster
dontbesillyhenry · 03/02/2017 13:24

But they at this age respond to gesturing yes, but verbal instructions in my professional experience no.

OP posts:
FearTheLiving · 03/02/2017 13:26

I don't think it's too advanced. My friends baby is 14 months and can do those things. Pretty sure mine could at that age. But it wouldn't be worrying if they couldn't.

ShowMePotatoSalad · 03/02/2017 13:31

My DS is 15 months. He may well understand "come and sit with mummy" and sometimes he will do it. But if someone else asked him to do it, especially someone he doesn't know very well, he would most likely just stare at them.

His day to day behaviours are very different when he's in a new or slightly unfamiliar situation or surroundings.

Toddlers at that age can understand plenty of things but it doesn't mean they will always do as they are told. It's not an indication of ability at this stage. Don't worry.

5foot5 · 03/02/2017 13:31

Well surely the problem is that he has been put in a group with children who are all several months older than him. Many of those things might be age-appropriate for the other children in that group, just not your DS. Yet.

If you think the music group is stupid why are you taking him to it?

AppleMagic · 03/02/2017 13:34

He'll pick it up from watching the others though. So long as they are not getting cross with him for not cooperating I'd stick it out if I otherwise enjoyed the group. They don't have to be able to do it all from week one.

0hCrepe · 03/02/2017 13:37

Surely their directions are aimed at you? So if he's standing in the wrong place, telling him to sit with mummy is less confrontational to you than saying can you get your son and sit him on your lap! Exposing him to language and actions that are too advanced is fine when he's supported in doing it. Just help him.

sobeyondthehills · 03/02/2017 13:39

DS would be asked to do this sort of thing, at the time we thought maybe it was a bit too advanced for him, now nearly 4 years later, I think it was just his stubborn side showing through

Note3 · 03/02/2017 13:41

My 13 mth old baby can sing into microphone (breathy beat box style) and roll a ball to me but she can't walk yet. My point being that your DC can walk at this stage but perhaps not do other things mine can. I don't think the expectation to get then to try is unreasonable but it must be accepted not all can manage yet

Notso · 03/02/2017 13:42

Its a stupid music class he goes to,

Presumably you signed him up! If you think it's stupid and he's not enjoying it then stop.

CripsSandwiches · 03/02/2017 13:45

It's probably not so much the understanding as the following instructions particularly when it's directed at the entire group. At that age I'd prefer to just be sitting singing with lots of bubbles and things to touch (and the expectation that can can join in or not as the mood takes them).

Trifleorbust · 03/02/2017 13:47

Why can't he stay in the lower group? And if that isn't an option, why are you still taking him?

lalaloopyhead · 03/02/2017 13:48

I agree with PP, the instruction about going back to Mummy is most likely for you to go and retrieve your LO. I don't think this a bad way for them to do it either as he will get familiar with the instruction, especially if he associates it by being placed back on your lap by you.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 03/02/2017 13:49

Surely their directions are aimed at you? So if he's standing in the wrong place, telling him to sit with mummy is less confrontational to you than saying can you get your son and sit him on your lap! Exposing him to language and actions that are too advanced is fine when he's supported in doing it. Just help him

Yep exactly.

Sparrowlegs248 · 03/02/2017 13:52

Depends. Ds walked at 12 months, and would walk along kicking a ball on front of him. He would also 'come back to mummy' before he could walk.

Not sure if he would have found a hidden doll, and definitely wouldn't have understood the singing.

Ballyhoobird · 03/02/2017 13:53

Yabu - there has to be a cut off to the class ages somewhere and it can't be too specific, they wouldn't get many turning up to a 12-14 months class etc.

Also, all kids are different, some 13 month olds would be able to do all of the things you listed, others some but not all. My 4 yr old still wouldn't sing into a microphone in public but my 20 month old would give it a damn good go.

Sounds like unfortunately the toddler class you've moved up into is dominated by older ones rather than having a spread of ages but the little ones will learn the ropes (hunting for the doll, singing into the microphone, and yes, going to sit with mummy - retrieve at first if you have to) from watching the older ones.

Sure there's plenty he/she can join in with as well though, beating a drum or shaking a shaker (with your help), bouncing on your knee, circle dances etc (yep, i recognise the franchise!). He/she will grow into the rest and be the one leading the way for the next little ones starting out. Relax and enjoy the noise!

user1471549018 · 03/02/2017 13:54

I think it's fine. Babies at this age can understand a lot, and over the next year will be able to start following the instructions. DS coming up to 12 months and could do some of those things (but isn't walking). They all develop so differently so imo it's best to talk to them like they will do it then one day they will! I obviously don't insist though!! Just say it and move on. Both of mine have hated being 'babied' from about 6 months though, especially DS who is desperate to do everything his sister does :)

Witchend · 03/02/2017 14:04

Dd1 and dd2 could have done that at that age. Ds don't know whether he could or not-he wouldn't have Grin

They do understand much more than you think. I remember dd1 would have been 14 months at her second Christmas. When she was about 22 months a catalogue came through the door with a photo of a Christmas tree on.
"Christmas Tree" she said. Followed by saying where it had been and things that they'd done last Christmas. She hadn't seen photos or us talked about it. Couldn't believe how much she'd taken in.
Dd2 was talking in 5/6 word sentences at 15 months so would have understood.
I firmly believe children understand much more than you think at that age.

What they're expecting at that age is you encourage them to do it. So you take them by the hand and say "ooh, lets go and find the doll" and treat it as something exciting. They'll also pick it up from older ones.

maddiemookins16mum · 03/02/2017 14:22

Mine wouldn't at 13 months (she was still very "babylike if that makes sense). Three months later she totally changed and was a walking, blethering, proper toddler, all in three months!!! I was amazed.

confuugled1 · 03/02/2017 14:52

The thing is, it's probably not too much for some of the older ones in the group - and they will be enjoying following the instructions. And at that age just a few months can mke a massive difference.

It doesn't really matter if your ds can't do everything that is asked of him immediately - but over time, he'll get more used to it and by the end he'll be enjoying joining in (or not!). Then he'll be moved onto the next class and some of the stuff might seem a bit intimidating in that one too, but before you know it, he will have got used to that one too...