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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Baby Shower

33 replies

Treaclex · 01/02/2017 19:59

Hi here goes one sister is expecting in March other sis suggested a baby shower Confused clearly not my thing as I have 3 DC and have avoided them like the plague yet I'm being roped in. I've just been asked to chip in to hire a room £95 then on top of that I'm expected to chip in for food and decorations costs. Now I've made plenty of suggestions to cut costs like free room hire as I envisage me being left to foot the bill, the venue, food and guest list. Now I'm getting a tad pissed off and ready to throw in the towel after all it wasn't my fucking idea Hmmso AIBU to just tell my sister to sort it herself and that I'm out ?

OP posts:
ollieplimsoles · 01/02/2017 20:00

Hmm tricky one, is money tight for you at the moment? And why hire a room, just have it at someone's house?

Ilovecaindingle · 01/02/2017 20:01

Just tell her funds won't allow for that sort of spending so you will just buy your own gift instead when baby arrives.

OhhBetty · 01/02/2017 20:04

Does your pregnant sister want one?

OhhBetty · 01/02/2017 20:05

Also, I hate baby showers but I'd be horrified if my sisters had paid that much for me anyway. 95 pounds is a hell of a lot of money! Well, it is for me anyway!

Original poster
Treaclex · 01/02/2017 20:06

It's not so much that money is tight but it could be spent on other things. I've already bought a gorgeous Moses basket and lots of other items for baby and mum so it's not a case of not spending money on them as such. We need to hire somewhere as I work from home and it would be a mission to clear everything up out the way in order for me to host and my other sister just got a puppy. I feel mean in one sense but on the other hand I find baby showers a bit grabby but if that's what she wants that's her choice. I just feel like it was my sisters idea yet I'm left to do all the work for something I don't even like.

OP posts:
SheldonCRules · 01/02/2017 20:08

Not a chance I'd be paying the costs, whoever wanted it pays.

I wouldn't be attending either, they are tacky and grasping and all about the gifts nothing else.

Original poster
Treaclex · 01/02/2017 20:11

OohBetty unfortunately she seems keen on it and it's her first baby so obviously she's sort of going with the flow. There's no way I'm shelling out £95 and I'm rather keen to keep it alcohol free as my other sister ( idea one ) likes her pop a bit too much and ends up making a complete tit of herself Shockthere's a couple of community centres local to me that I could hire out for a fraction of the price so will contact those tomorrow.

OP posts:
Original poster
Treaclex · 01/02/2017 20:12

So glad I'm not alone in my distaste for baby showers SmileI will not be taking any gifts along as they are personal from me to my sister.

OP posts:
Leeds2 · 01/02/2017 20:16

Cant bear baby showers, and wouldn't attend one or help organise one!

Given that, could you have one in a local hotel/pub/restaurant so that you meet up for lunch/a drink but not pay for room hire?

Original poster
Treaclex · 01/02/2017 20:19

That's a good idea Leeds if I can fathom out how many people are being invited I could look into that. The only reason I'm helping is because it's my sister.

OP posts:
OhhBetty · 01/02/2017 22:25

Ohh the pub idea is good. You wouldn't have to provide anything either as it would all be there and people would pay for their own drinks. If your non pregnant sister wants it so badly she can organise and pay for it. It sounds like she wants to take credit for it whilst you cover costs.

Original poster
Treaclex · 02/02/2017 07:05

OohBetty that's exactly it! Currently I'm the only one with kids yet some how she perceives that I'm rolling in it which isn't the case. Spoke to DH last night and he said exactly the same. I'll ring her later and say that it was her idea so she needs to organise it and that I'll help towards decorations and food ( do it myself ) but I'm not prepared to spend out obscene amounts on it. I do not want any credit for it at all.

OP posts:
Creampastry · 02/02/2017 07:20

What a total waste of money! Yanbu

Mungobungo · 02/02/2017 07:25

Every baby shower I've been to (under duress I may add as they're bloody awful!) has been at a pub/restaurant. The benefit of this is that you don't have to play ridiculous bloody games and because of the venue, there's a natural time limit for the event.

The people can decide if they want to eat and if so, pay for themselves.

meditrina · 02/02/2017 07:43

"I will not be taking any gifts along as they are personal from me to my sister."

I think you need to rethink this bit.

Shower = shower with gifts and it's just not right to go along empty handed. But, usefully, as 'shower--type gift' is shorthand for 'small in the sense of at least moderately useful and definitely no need to be expensive' it shouldn't detract from your main presents at another occasion.

If you want to hold a no-gifts (or gifts optional) party, don't call it a shower

Original poster
Treaclex · 02/02/2017 08:19

Meditrina The reason I'm not taking any gifts is because it would look excessive to others and showy offy to give my gifts then and that's not what I want. However I may get my youngest to bring a token gift from her to baby.

OP posts:
Iamastonished · 02/02/2017 08:30

Why does it have to be in a hired room? Why do you need decorations? Why not have it in someone's front room instead?

Original poster
Treaclex · 02/02/2017 08:44

I cannot have it here as I work from home and other sis has just got a puppy, pregnant sis her house is too small and mother let's not go there. Hence getting a room. I thought decorations were standard Blush then again I've only ever been to one baby shower. Who normally organises baby showers ? When I had my 3 I had friends ask if I wanted one but no family.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 02/02/2017 08:47

You need to tell them, 'I can't afford £95 for room hire or alcohol.''

coffeetasteslikeshit · 02/02/2017 08:54

Tell your sister to organise it herself as you're busy with work and 3 kids (in a nice manner), and that you'll pay her your share at the end when it's been totalled up.

Helbelle75 · 02/02/2017 09:04

The only baby shower I've been to was in a cafe, room was reserved and everyone bought their own drink and cake.
I don't like them personally and have asked friends and colleagues not to organise one for me (they did ask!).

MrFMercury · 02/02/2017 09:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

londonrach · 02/02/2017 09:14

Say no and just do it at someone house. I hate baby showers as to be it temps fate. I never ever ever buy a baby a present before it is born as the one time i did the baby was still born.

noeffingidea · 02/02/2017 09:19

You're just going to have to say 'no', at least to the parts you don't want to do, otherwise your sister will carry on assuming you are willing to participate. There's no point in beating about the bush.

harleysmammy · 02/02/2017 09:31

Theres nothing wrong with baby showers in the house with cute decorations and food. All my families were in my cousins house including mine and instead of spending money on a hall, they paid for a lovely cake, lovely food and decked the house in professional handmade decorations, it was amazing. All of that, including the three tier cake, didnt even come to how much the hall would cost so maybe thats an idea x

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