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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be so angry with DH

40 replies

Autvet · 29/01/2017 18:07

So.... DH and I have a DD and a DS with ASD... DH currently works away 2-3 days a week and gets plenty of sleep etc... I don't as DS does not sleep.... sorry just setting scene... we've had an ok weekend...but just had a major row and I'm now in the spare roomAngry... basically I'm feeling really rubbish at the mo... have put some weight on... so DH and I decide to do an exercise DVD... but before then he's getting really narky at me about constantly going on about my weight - I mentioned it as he asked me why I was feeling fed up.... so in a nutshell... DVD player won't work... he start getting grumpy with each other... cross words.... DH storms upstairs and sulk lying on bed on his phone as he always does when we fight...I come upstairs we row... I am left to feed dogs/kids/ jobs etc whilst he's sulking upstairs....Angry now I've made up spare bed and am in here while he has actually pulled finger out and is bathing kids... so aibu to want to ltb over this ???

OP posts:
Original poster
Autvet · 29/01/2017 18:08

I know this sounds pathetic but I'm fed up with his sulking.... the bickering and basically him buggering off during the week to 'work'....

OP posts:
startwig1982 · 29/01/2017 18:10

Sounds like you're both tired and need to open a bottle of wine and spend some time together.

Original poster
Autvet · 29/01/2017 18:25

Thank you for replying.... I just feel so angry towards him a lot of the time.... certainly don't fancy him a lot of the time....& just don't know where to go from here Sad

OP posts:
Coastalcommand · 29/01/2017 18:36

YABU. It doesn't sound like he's doing anything wrong. As for not fancying him anymore, how would you feel if he felt/said the same?

Original poster
Autvet · 29/01/2017 18:41

Why do you think Iabu?? I've been doing jobs while he's sulking on bed ... not having a go just interested... as for fancying... I can't help who I do and don't fancy

OP posts:
missbishi · 29/01/2017 18:42

him buggering off during the week to 'work'

Why say it like that? Do you think he isn't working? Or does he have the choice not to "bugger off" to work?

lavei · 29/01/2017 18:44

But unnecessary to mention that tbh.
Your pissed that he's sulking so you don't fancy him anymore? Not sure if these points are meant to be related.
Yes YABU. Grow up and tell him to do the same

HermioneJeanGranger · 29/01/2017 18:44

I would be annoyed too, but competitive tiredness is never a good idea.

Does he ever take over on the nights he is home to help you get some sleep, or at least a lie-in if you're breastfeeding?

Why does he get to sulk and opt out of looking after his children?

Original poster
Autvet · 29/01/2017 18:45

He could work around here but chooses not to as the job makes him too 'stressed'.... however his job which he works away doing involves plenty of dinners / meals out/ evening in gym/ etc etc while I'm left here getting more and more stressed with ds

OP posts:
AllTheLight · 29/01/2017 18:46

But it sounds to me like it's OP sulking while he bathes the DC?

missbishi · 29/01/2017 18:46

Is he opting out though? OP tells us that at 18:07, he was bathing the kids.

Original poster
Autvet · 29/01/2017 18:47

Thank you my point.... I'd love to lie on the bed and sulk... DS is aware every night at 2.30am.... and never goes back to sleep....and no DH never takes over when home as he's tired (!) and DS is not used to him anymore at nights so constantly calls for me

OP posts:
missbishi · 29/01/2017 18:47

Oops, cross posted with AllThe

Original poster
Autvet · 29/01/2017 18:47

I wasn't lying on bed sulking I was ironing school uniform and thought best to keep out if his way

OP posts:
AllTheLight · 29/01/2017 18:47

OP, it sounds like you are having a very rough time Flowers

But I think you may be over reacting in this instance (from what you have said).

Original poster
Autvet · 29/01/2017 18:48

Thank you for understanding

OP posts:
HermioneJeanGranger · 29/01/2017 18:58

I think you need to both sit down and talk it out.

It's not fair that he's chosing to work away when he doesn't have to, unless you really need the extra money. When you have small children, working away needs to be a joint decision. How would he cope if you decided to go and work away for half the week as well?!

I think you're probably both tired and stressed in different ways - running a home with two children is tough, but so is working away and having to fit in to an unfamiliar routine when you get home. It can't be easy for him to admit that his son won't settle for him becuase he's never there.

Please don't try and play the "I'm more tired than you" card, though. Parents of young children (especially one with ASD) are always going to be tired - playing tiredness top trumps won't make anyone feel better!

Original poster
Autvet · 29/01/2017 19:01

True.... it does tend to get into a tired competition Sad I think I feel anger towards him ... plus I'm working two days a week and some weekends with very little sleep

OP posts:
BeingATwatItsABingThing · 29/01/2017 19:09

If he never gets up for DS, he'll never get used to it.

I think you are both being pretty immature to be honest. DP and I fall out sometimes but we get on with it when DD is awake because there is stuff to do. Even when we fall out and I question why I put up with him, I still love him with all my heart and fancy the pants off of him literally

My DP also has a job that means he isn't there some nights but when he is back, he picks up the slack from me. I have a Monday to Friday job 7am-6pm most days.

We are equally tired but in different ways. Your tiredness is colouring your view I think.

HermioneJeanGranger · 29/01/2017 19:14

He needs to help. DS will never get used to him being there in the night if he doesn't start doing it!

MrsTerryPratchett · 29/01/2017 19:17

If he's getting full nights sleep and time off when he's working, he needs to take a couple of nights when he's home.

I work away sometimes. And although I work long days and miss the family, it's much easier, with lovely unbroken sleep.

Reality16 · 29/01/2017 19:22

Wow you are both wasting so much energy on unnecessary arguing. Can't you communicate and act like adults?

TheFirstMrsDV · 29/01/2017 19:26

I sympathise.
I have a child with ASD and OH works evenings. He is on his home all day and I have the kids on my own every night and am never on my own.
He isn't doing anything wrong but I still get fed up.

Having a kid with ASD can be really hard work and unless you are the main carer its hard to imagine what its like.

If OH every has DS on his own he comes home and tells me about all the things that happened as if they are unusual...'and then he ran away! Can you believe it, he ran away!' Um yeah. that is what he does Grin

sorry you are feeling rubbish. You need sleep. Flowers

DontstepontheMomeRaths · 29/01/2017 19:28

You sound really unhappy and resentful of his working away. I think the DVD was the straw that broke the camels back.

You need to sit down and talk together about how you both feel. Letting each other talk without interrupting. Or you'll keep falling out and that's not a great example for the kids.

MissMrsMsXX · 29/01/2017 19:31

Life really gets in the way sometimes. Carve out some time for each other where you can reconnect and remember why you're doing it all together

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