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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

She stole and she lied and she is six

48 replies

Baffledonthisone · 29/01/2017 16:23

IABU because this is not AIBU it's help me help me right now, parents!

But otherwise.

Dd6 came home with cheap inconsequential toy on maybe Wednesday or Thursday.

Told me her friend gave it to her. This is not unheard of. They all swap cheap things from time to time (wee toys, hair clips etc)

On the messenger app we have a chat with all parents from the class. Today other childs mum asks if anyone has seen this toy and sends a photo.

Mortified. I checked with Dd and she told me the truth.

I haven't shouted or responded beyond saying that what she did was stealing and she will return it. I also said I was disappointed and I had to think. I feel a bit tearful.

Any helpful advice?

Have contacted mum to say Dd has it and will return tomorrow. I explained she said her child gave it to her.

OP posts:
Ilovecaindingle · 29/01/2017 16:25

Make dd give her friend it back in front of her dm. . Explain if any repeats then df and dfdm won't allow her to be a friend anymore.

ineedamoreadultieradult · 29/01/2017 16:28

So her friend had a toy she wanted so she took it then lied but told the truth when confronted. It happens she is only 6. Make her give it back and apologise to friend and friends mother. Advise if she gets a reputation for stealing people won't want to play with her so to not do it again.

JaxingJump · 29/01/2017 16:29

I was about that age when so stole a wind up little toy from a play date house. My mum drove me back over and made me hand it back and apologise. I was mortified but it was a lesson well learnt. 6 yr olds are very capable of lying! I don't know why you are so shocked.

OohhItsNotHoxton · 29/01/2017 16:29

^ this.

rogueantimatter · 29/01/2017 16:31

Ask her to think about how she would feel if someone stole something belonging to her. Take it back with an apology. Don't punish her.

It's not uncommon for 6YOs to take things they like. Don't panic.

KateDaniels2 · 29/01/2017 16:32

She is 6. She has done something wrong but told the truth when challenged.

Make her give it back with an apology and make her promise not to do it again. Draw a line under it and move on.

Unless there is a pattern of behaviour here, i think most kids do something wrong from time to time.

rogueantimatter · 29/01/2017 16:32

ahh x-posted

Floggingmolly · 29/01/2017 16:33

The mum posted a "Wanted" Poster of a cheap, inconsequental toy?

motleymop · 29/01/2017 16:34

Yeah - I was about that age when I stole a packet of stickers from a shop. My mother took me back into the shop and made me give them to the shopkeeper and explain. Never did that one again!! Mortificado.

junebirthdaygirl · 29/01/2017 16:35

This sometimes happens with children in school. They take a shine to a little thing and slip it in their pocket. They need to learn. It's part of life's lessons. Don't panic she is not going to end up as an armed robber.

CurlsandCurves · 29/01/2017 16:35

I did similar age 6.

A teacher came into our class with a watch, it had been found, asked if it belonged to anyone, I said it was mine.

Guilt got the better of me I cried to my mum and gave it back the next day head hung in shame.

Babymamamama · 29/01/2017 16:37

Is it not possible your dd's friend gave her the item and then regretted it afterwards and wanted said item back? That seems so much more likely than your dd stealing and lying.

statetrooperstacey · 29/01/2017 16:37

Maybe the friend did give it to her but told her mum she didn't?
Stealing and lying I think is quite common in kids this age, although obviously it is to be discouraged! one of mine we would literally shake upside down whenever we left anyone's house, all manner of stuff we would remove from his pockets, one relative had been doing some flat pack furniture and he had pocketed all his screws Grin also all his sons Lego jewels, we were just upfront with everyone and said yea sorry he's a magpie we will search him before we leave. He was nicknamed fingers and raffles, he is 10 now and very law abiding.
You have acted well I think, explained it's stealing, told her it's wrong, told her she will return it and apologise. Don't worry too much it doesn't mean she's horrible or anything! Lying is assign of intelligence in young childrenWink

NarkyMcDinkyChops · 29/01/2017 16:38

The mum posted a "Wanted" Poster of a cheap, inconsequental toy?

Might not have been inconsequential to her kid, who actually owned it? Why shouldn't she?

Original poster
Baffledonthisone · 29/01/2017 16:40

Thank you all for the kind advice and perspective. Feel a bit more armed to deal with this now.

OP posts:
AnaisB · 29/01/2017 16:42

I'm sure this is pretty common and also agree that friend may have given DD the toy.

hesterton · 29/01/2017 16:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SmokyRobinson · 29/01/2017 16:43

My dd2 used to steal & lie - thought she'd grow up a master criminal. The stuff we had to take back to school which she took from reception class ...anyway, we always told her off, make her return it and apologise and it just stopped. She is now is year 3 , and can't remember the last thing she took. It just doesn't happen anymore. Don't worry too much, just keep repeating it's wrong to take things that are not yours, even if you love it.

user1484226561 · 29/01/2017 16:44

Its normal in a 6 year old. Discuss, punish, explain, etc, it isn't normal at 16, because parents respond to such incidents by disciplining their children, and they learn not to. (mostly)

That's how it works! nothing unusual here.

ExplodedCloud · 29/01/2017 16:50

smokey you just reminded me that ds isn't a thief anymore :) I have given him a little hug. He was the YR master criminal.

KateAdiesEarrings · 29/01/2017 16:51

Take the toy back. Say sorry.

tbh I wouldn't worry too much about it. They're always swapping toys at that age and saying their friends can keep them but then changing their minds.

Mummyoflittledragon · 29/01/2017 16:53

When she's a couple of years older and the swapping and pilfering starts (thanks in part to the brand Smiggle), I think that's the time to be really cross. As it is, she's 6. This is a very common scenario. Dd is on the receiving end of some sticky fingers. And much as it is frustrating when things go missing, she also has had to learn that if she takes her personal belongings to school, she should be prepared to loose them.

Serialweightwatcher · 29/01/2017 16:55

Is it possible the friend actually did let her have it and then changed her mind - my youngest ds used to always try to give toys away if someone came round and he'd have probably wanted it back the next day - I used to have to intercept things on the way out of the door

jamdonut · 29/01/2017 16:57

This is exactly why we do not want children to bring toys/trading cards to school.
We have to deal with upset children/ cross parents all the time because of this sort of thing happening.

ADishBestEatenCold · 29/01/2017 16:59

"Have contacted mum to say Dd has it and will return tomorrow. I explained she said her child gave it to her."

I don't understand. Confused You say in the OP that your daughter stole the toy, originally said that the toy's owner had given it to her, but then eventually told you the truth (that she'd stolen it?).

Then you say you told the toy's owner's mother that your DD said her child gave it to your DD.

So did you lie to the other mother, to cover up for your DD?