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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is he BU or am I?

47 replies

WTAFF · 26/01/2017 15:30

A band that I really like has recently announced a UK coming to a nearby city.

None of my friends would be able to attend so I asked my boyfriend to attend. He knows if he doesn't come with me I will have to either not go or go alone. I don't really want to go on my own, as half the fun for me is enjoying the music with someone else.

Now when I asked my boyfriend, he just said he would think about it. I told him that it would mean a lot to me if he would attend. He told me that he hates 'being pestered' and there are some things that he needs to think about.

I am going with him on Sunday to see a film that I have no interest in seeing but have agreed to go because it is something he really wants to do.

Obviously I have misjudged the situation and feel like a bit of a mug.

AIBU to be a bit upset about this - that he would rather I go somewhere on my own than come with me?

Or do I need to put my big girl pants on and get a grip? Wink

Smile
OP posts:
TheCustomaryMethod · 26/01/2017 15:31

Does your boyfriend also like the band?

Original poster
WTAFF · 26/01/2017 15:33

He is ambivalent about the band.

I think I probably am BU!

OP posts:
Soubriquet · 26/01/2017 15:34

Make him a deal

You will go to the film this weekend if he goes to your band show

Only fair

MrsBlennerhassett · 26/01/2017 15:35

I would be upset yes as the implication is that you should care about the things he likes but he does not have to care or even tolerate the things that you like. If you are doing something he wants to do you should be able to do something you want to do as well.
Unless the reasons he isnt wanting to go are because he has to work or has something else already booked to do then YANBU.

OneWithTheForce · 26/01/2017 15:35

Don't go to the cinema with him. He won't go to the concert and if he does he'll make it miserable for you by complainjng and having a sour face the whole time.

StillaChocoholic · 26/01/2017 15:37

What band?

I agree with making him a deal, you see the movie only if he comes to see the band

Snifftest · 26/01/2017 15:37

Yanbu. A band I love came to my town last year, none of my friends like them and my DH is ambivalent but when I said I'd like to go he suggested he came with me as he knew I had no one to go with. That's what partners do

TheCustomaryMethod · 26/01/2017 15:38

I agree with Soubriquet - I don't think he should feel obliged to go with you if he's not a great fan; but if you're doing the same thing with his film it would be a nice reciprocal gesture. If he won't go, then don't bother with his film.

I should think you'd still enjoy it if you went alone - there's usually a good sense of camaraderie amongst fans, so you still feel as though you're enjoying it with others.

Ilovecaindingle · 26/01/2017 15:39

How is you asking him to accompany you 'pestering him'? Sounds like he was enjoying keeping you hanging. .

CwtchMeQuick · 26/01/2017 15:40

Who's paying? Are the tickets expensive?

I can understand him not wanting to fork out for tickets to see a band he isn't fussed about seeing, but it would be nice of him to go with you.

HerBluebiro · 26/01/2017 15:42

How much are the tickets? Especially compared to a cinema ticket?

DP enjoys music and live acts. I don't. I do object to paying a small fortune to be a tag along. Or worse to be a lift.

Bluntness100 · 26/01/2017 15:46

He didn't say no though did he? He's only said he will think about it. I'd not be upset till he decides.

Original poster
WTAFF · 26/01/2017 15:47

It's Blink182 in July. I have loved them for years - I only found out today that they were on tour.

The other thing that worries me is that I'm likely to be a good 10-15 years older than their fanbase now. I will probably look really out of place on my own sitting in an arena!

I asked him twice in about three hours - that's why he said I was pestering him. I said to him that I didn't understand why he couldn't just tell me whether or not he wanted to come with me and was there any information he needed to help him make the decision.

He couldn't tell me why he couldn't just make a decision and why he needed time to think.

Anyway, thank you all for your advice.

OP posts:
Original poster
WTAFF · 26/01/2017 15:49

We are each paying for our own tickets. I think the tickets are around £40.

I've paid for the cinema tickets - they are £18 each in the posh seats with the nachos and drinks included. This was all that was available.

OP posts:
Scarydinosaurs · 26/01/2017 15:50

I'd think that other stuff is going on if he said he wanted to think about stuff before committing to an event in the summer. I'd say that if I was going to break up with someone tbh.

teenybean · 26/01/2017 15:50

I'd go with you if I weren't due to give birth at the end of June! I bloody love blink182! Ltb, if he even has to think about it, he doesn't deserve you! Wink Go by yourself & enjoy it!

EweAreHere · 26/01/2017 15:53

Tell him you will no longer be attending movies with him if you're not interested in each individual movie yourself. Tell him this new policy will be starting Sunday. Ditto for restaurants/food types that you don't particularly care for, but he does. You could even extend the ban to the bedroom if there's some inequity there as well...

Partners do things for each other to make each other happy and be supportive. Relationships are supposed to be a two way street. Yours doesn't appear to be.

EweAreHere · 26/01/2017 15:54

You should be able to get your cinema ticket refunded on the website; it's I've done it before.

AuroraBora · 26/01/2017 15:54

I would force him to say yes or no before the cinema trip on Sunday by saying you want to book tickets so can he decide.

If he says yes then you're alright, if he says no then stay all cheery, book (or pretend to book) yourself the ticket and then do not go to the cinema. Just make other plans or if he says "oh what's happening on Sunday, are we having dinner as well as a movie?" just say you've changed you're mind and can't be bothered to see something you hate. Extra bonus points if you say you don't like being pestered Wink

When he gets pissy, look innocent and say that you thought it was the way he wanted your relationship to be.

Yes, I can be petty! Grin

Batteriesallgone · 26/01/2017 15:54

Agree with Scary.

ImperialBlether · 26/01/2017 15:58

Why are you paying for both cinema tickets?

Tbh you sound like a lovely girlfriend. He doesn't sound like a lovely boyfriend - I think you can do better.

MaxPepsi · 26/01/2017 16:00

My DH is going to a concert with me. He's not really fussed for the artist or concerts in general but knows I really really want to see him.

Not only is he happy to come with me, he's paid for both tickets which are £150plus, taken the day off work and is prepared to make a full day of it with lunch and drinks in town first.

I would have gone alone but DH didn't want me to have tone do that.

DonaldStott · 26/01/2017 16:01

I'm a bit torn on this one. I would never put pressure on dh to come to an event I know isn't his cup of tea, because I love him and I think its a bit mean. This is reciprocal though as he would never ask me to go the cinema and watch star wars with him, or go a footy match, as I hate those things.

I used to work with a fella who went to everything his wife liked. Adele concert, bridget jones movie, etc., and all he did was fucking moan about it, while saying, that's what you do when you're in a relationship.

But is it? Do you make the other person do something they don't want to do, cos it will make one of you happy.

Or am a big old meanie?

CorporalNobbyNobbs · 26/01/2017 16:04

If he is only going because you want him to go then I think you should pay for his ticket.

AVY1 · 26/01/2017 16:05

YANBU

Also I don't think you'll be out of place at all - whenever I've been to seen bands from my younger years its mostly still an audience that matches my generation.