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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Again with housework not being done

48 replies

SamineShaw · 26/01/2017 07:26

DH and I work full time, and the routine is we come in together from work and I go straight to kitchen to wash dishes and cook tea. Yes I know we (meaning me!) should wash up straight after tea but honestly I haven't got the energy but that's another story.

Anyway, on Wednesdays I now have to work through to 9:30pm so DH has to cook, not a problem he's quite capable. However, I came in last night to find he hadn't even attempted the dishes and had cooked for himself and the kids around the dirty dishes.

AIBU to be really annoyed at this?

OP posts:
Lilaclily · 26/01/2017 07:27

Yes I'd be annoyed

nebulae · 26/01/2017 07:29

YANBU to be annoyed at that but YABU to leave last night's pots unwashed until the next day. Can't imagine coming in from work to be faced by yesterday's dirty pots.

HermioneJeanGranger · 26/01/2017 08:34

Hang on, so it's okay for you to leave them after dinner cause you're tired, but he can't do the same?

Pengggwn · 26/01/2017 08:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sooperdooper · 26/01/2017 08:38

When you get in from work why doesn't one of you cook and then the other wash up afterwards? Why are you doing both jobs? What's he doing all this time?

ofudginghell · 26/01/2017 08:38

We both work full time and we both do our fair share.
We have a dishwasher now which we bought in September last year after over six years without one and it was the best £200 spent as far as I'm concerned.
It gets loaded up throughout the day and evening and we put it on before we go to bed.
The eldest dc empties it in the morning when he gets up early and off we go again.
Before the dishwasher we washed and put away dishes after tea as I couldn't go to bed leaving dirty dishes to come down to the next day. That would destroy my soul Wink

ParadiseCity · 26/01/2017 08:40

My suggestion is next week put everything he'll need to use soaking in a bowl of soapy water. Then he can't use it without washing it up first.

Or talk to him calmly etc but I think the soapy tactic more fun.

VeryNecessary · 26/01/2017 08:43

So you have to do double the amount of washing up tomorrow?

YANBU

But like someone else said, why are you doing both? What's he doing whilst you're washing up and getting dinner ready?

MargaretCavendish · 26/01/2017 08:45

Wouldn't it make more sense for him to wash up after dinner every might (if you always cook)? I get the temptation to leave them, but if you're washing by hand you're (at least) doubling the work by leaving the food to dry on.

Eatingcheeseontoast · 26/01/2017 08:48

Get a dishwasher?

TwatteryFlowers · 26/01/2017 08:48

Do you mean the was twice the usual amount of washing up because he's not washed the dishes from the night before, used more out of the cupboard and then left them unwashed as well? If so, yes that would annoy me.

I hate waking up at the best of times, but to have to do a load of pots from a meal I had no part in either making or eating would really piss me off. I wouldn't do them though; I'd point them out to h and say that I wouldn't be cooking until they're clean, dry and put away and if that meant not cooking at all then so be it: I'd order myself a takeaway.

Original poster
SamineShaw · 26/01/2017 11:15

He is normally sitting on the sofa waiting for dinner. I know we should do the dishes straight after, and maybe it's part my fault for leaving them but it's always down to me. He just doesn't appear to see the problem

OP posts:
ofudginghell · 26/01/2017 22:53

Next time you've cooked tea just say that to save you time in the mornings and at tea time it would be helpful if he did the dishes while you prepare the meal?
Failing that I would have a stand off and say until he either does the tea or the dishes and shares the chore you won't be doing any cooking and smile and walk away Smile
Guarantee that even if you have a couple of days to dig your heals in make sure you eat plenty during the day or treat yourself to tea on the way home. No dishes or cooking then Grin

Turbinaria · 26/01/2017 23:06

Get a dishwasher and a couple of times during the week have a ready meal, pizza or takeaway.
IMO trivial stuff like this is not worth arguing about, you're both tired and just want to relax after a full day's work. Cut both yourselves some slack

notuniqueenough · 26/01/2017 23:19

If you're not finishing until later on a Wednesday, are you starting later? If so, could you do the dishes in the morning before you head out?

Makingalist · 26/01/2017 23:53

Maybe he just couldn't be arsed, you must feel the same some nights? But YANBU if the next night he doesn't do the double load while you cook Smile

MommaGee · 27/01/2017 01:19

notuniqueenough
If you're not finishing until later on a Wednesday, are you starting later? If so, could you do the dishes in the morning before you head out?

Because clearly he has no responsibility for doing the washing up that you do every night!!!!!!

not unique are you OP's DH??

OP YANBU. You both work full time, cooking and washing up should not just be your responsibility cos you have the essential equipment for the jobs - a vagina, clearly!!

HandbagCrab · 27/01/2017 01:27

If you're cooking he can wash up and vice versa. Or you could just sit down on your arse when you get in tomorrow and let him do it all for the same amount of time you have. How you've not buried him in unwashed crockery is a modern miracle!

Do not do it all op!

OneWithTheForce · 27/01/2017 01:54

The cook doesn't wash up!!

You need to make this the new rule. Whoever cooks the other person washes up and it has to be done straight after dinner.

Seriously, from experience, you are making life so much harder for yourselves by leaving dishes overnight. It's so much easier to just do them straight away (and wash as much as you can as you cook) after dinner and then the kitchen is done and clean for a whole day until the next dinner.

echt · 27/01/2017 03:28

I would disagree that the cook doesn't wash up. The cook should rinse/soak and stack as they are cooking so that all that needs to be washed are the actual serving and eating dishes.

Cook = no wash so often results in every pan/dish being used and left.

RebootYourEngine · 27/01/2017 03:57

You both work full time and get home at tne same time.

He gets to laze on the soga while you are washing the dishes and cooking tea. I would be putting a stop to that. I would come home and laze on the sofa too.

Eminado · 27/01/2017 04:10

It's the lazing on the sofa while you do joint jobs that is the issue.

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 27/01/2017 05:48

I don't get why you are doing both the cooking and washing up. Confused

Does lazy bones pull his weight generally?

Naicehamshop · 27/01/2017 07:05

One of you cooks, the other one washes up. That is the rule!

liquidrevolution · 27/01/2017 07:19

My Dh cant cook so i do all of the cooking. He washes up. On the rare occaisions he heats up a pizza in the oven i wash up.

Thats fair.