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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Again with housework not being done

48 replies

SamineShaw · 26/01/2017 07:26

DH and I work full time, and the routine is we come in together from work and I go straight to kitchen to wash dishes and cook tea. Yes I know we (meaning me!) should wash up straight after tea but honestly I haven't got the energy but that's another story.

Anyway, on Wednesdays I now have to work through to 9:30pm so DH has to cook, not a problem he's quite capable. However, I came in last night to find he hadn't even attempted the dishes and had cooked for himself and the kids around the dirty dishes.

AIBU to be really annoyed at this?

OP posts:

DameDeDoubtance · 27/01/2017 07:22

Tell him once, he sorts the house out when he gets back. If he doesn't change then you are married to a man who expects you to work harder than him because you are female and it's up to you what you do about that.

PurpleDaisies · 27/01/2017 07:26

We've always had the rule that whoever cooks doesn't wash up and if dinner is going to be something other than freezer food, the kitchen needs to be in a half sensible state with enough pans and plates clean. It's much easier now we have a dishwasher.

notuniqueenough · 27/01/2017 07:40

momma apologies. Had read the first thread wrong that they both did the washing and cooking. So yes, my post looked completely unreasonable!

GeorgeTheHamster · 27/01/2017 07:45

Yanbu. But leaving dishes overnight is a crap routine to have. It just makes work as the food dries overnight and means the kitchen is always a mess.

DeleteOrDecay · 27/01/2017 07:50

YANBU, he should have washed last nights dishes before steadying dinner. This would irritate me massively too.

notuniqueenough · 27/01/2017 08:06

To properly answer your question; no, YANBU. He should be doing his fair share

Original poster

SamineShaw · 27/01/2017 08:08

notuniqueenough Sadly no I start at the my normal time

OP posts:

blueskyinmarch · 27/01/2017 08:13

If you both come in together then you should both head to the kitchen. One washes up and one cooks. Kids watch TV/do homework.You need to split the chores fairly.

Original poster

SamineShaw · 27/01/2017 08:14

He used to cook regularly but always wanted a Blue Peter badge for doing dishes.

Yes we need to be in a better routine, I've had health problems, extreme fatigue, but I've been diagnosed with sleep apnea and gave now got a machine and a mask to wear overnight which has made a huge difference. This is the other story I mentioned! Until I had diagnosis DH always hinted that I was just being lazy so I think I just got on with everything to try and prove otherwise. But working all day then cooking took it out of me and after eating I had no energy left.

OP posts:

Original poster

SamineShaw · 27/01/2017 08:15

Sorry that was really rambling on..😳

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 27/01/2017 08:17

YANBU. FUCK trying to find a solution so he does no work - get up early and wash up, get a dishwasher, etc. He lounges on the sofa whilst you cook and wash up. That's arsehole behaviour.

EweAreHere · 27/01/2017 08:41

You shouldn't be doing both jobs after a long day at work; he should be doing one. One cooks; one cleans up the previous night's/that morning's mess. Your both exhausted, obviously, as neither of you has the energy to clean up in the evenings. Why does he get to sit down nightly while you do everything?

catlover1987 · 27/01/2017 08:48

Honestly, get a dishwasher. Dishes were the only thing DH and I ever argued about. Getting a dishwasher has made life so much easier.

gamerwidow · 27/01/2017 08:50

We have a dishwasher but loading it is dh job because I cook. The cook does not sort the dirty dishes! Your DH needs to step up.

PurpleDaisies · 27/01/2017 08:50

The other thing that really helps is cooking in bulk so you only have to reheat leftovers or portions from the freezer. It really cuts the washing up since you don't have all the pans, knives and chopping boards etc.

YouTheCat · 27/01/2017 08:54

The solution is that he stops sitting about on his arse.

Does he do any of the housework?

expatinscotland · 27/01/2017 08:58

Yeah, OP, get a dishwasher - pick one out, wait in whilst it's installed and then you can load and unload that, too. Or bulk cook in your time off so you can, again, do your part to make sure your lazy husband isn't bothered. The real problem is that your h sees cooking and cleaning as women's work. Cooking isn't even 'housework', it's essential. So stop enabling him to crash on the sofa whilst you run round like a blue arsed fly.

'It's not fair that every night I cook and wash up. So as of next week, we'll take it in turns - both cooking and washing up. So you plan what you'll cook and I'll plan mine.' And then leave him to it. He shops for and does for his days and if it doesn't get done, then leave the kids to nag at him.

OneWithTheForce · 27/01/2017 09:07

I would disagree that the cook doesn't wash up. The cook should rinse/soak and stack as they are cooking so that all that needs to be washed are the actual serving and eating dishes.

Did you read my whole post?

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 27/01/2017 09:11

A dishwasher is a wonderful thing, but it still needs stacking and unloading and what's the bet that will become the OP's job too?

I mean, get a dishwasher if you want one, but you still need to have a conversation with your DP and reallocate the jobs. That's a nonsense, he's sitting on his arse while you're cleaning up yesterday's mess? Fuck. That. Shit.

OneWithTheForce · 27/01/2017 09:11

TBH I wouldn't be cooking until the dishes were washed and if that meant starving I would. I'm a stubborn fuck.

But really OP. You should start reflecting his behaviour. So whatever he does in the evenings when you get through the door? You copy it. So he comes in and sits on the sofa? So do you. When he asks if you're not cooking dinner to say " you're not either" and see what he says.

Justanothernameonthepage · 27/01/2017 09:18

Screw that. He's showing that he has no consideration for you. I'd stay at work late to eat something and then when I got home, point out that the kitchen is too messy to cook in so he needs to sort it and go and have a bath. If he gets to skive off, than you should too. (In our house, we alternative dinner clean up and sorting DC for bed, so it's not to do with who cooks, but we both pull our weight)

ClusterFuckTadpole · 27/01/2017 09:20

He's a lazy cunt. Why do you put up with it?
I suggest today and every other day until he gets the message you do food for yourself and any dc.

expatinscotland · 27/01/2017 14:20

'He used to cook regularly but always wanted a Blue Peter badge for doing dishes.

Again, this is because he sees cleaning up as women's work. You ignore behaviour like this or calmly respond, 'There's no medal for lifework so that won't cut it with me.'

It's pretty dickish to know your spouse has a fatigue condition but sit on your arse whilst she cooks and cleans.

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