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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why everyone thinks you want a relationship?

39 replies

Macaroni22 · 23/01/2017 21:57

Aibu to get pissed off everyone assumes I want a relationship?
With comments like 'you'll find the one oneday' 'it will happen when you least expect it' 'you deserve someone special'

How about I'm genuinely 100% happy being single and do not feel the need to find 'Mr right'?!?!?!
I like being a slob when I get home and not being judged by anyone, having the TV remote, being able to do and live however I want without having to consider a partner, not having petty arguments over housekeeping etc, having the whole bed to myself, not having to smell someone else's shit in my bathroom Grin

And how if men know you're single you're swamped with messages and chat ups and if you don't reply get labelled rude, I'm not rude I just don't want to talk to you and I shouldn't have to have a reason!

Why can people not accept this?! Everyone seems to be on some sort of quest to find love. I just don't get it.

Or am I just a complete weirdo?!Grin

OP posts:
Lorelei76 · 23/01/2017 22:01

I don't know your age but once I hit 40 people started to realise I really do love being single. Coupledom isn't for everyone.

wasonthelist · 23/01/2017 22:02

YANBU

ihatetosay · 23/01/2017 22:06

with you all the way

bonfireheart · 23/01/2017 22:06

I love being single!
Started a new job recently & when I tell people I'm divorced they give me a pitying look followed by "I'm sorry." Which always make me laugh. Nothing to be sorry about, save your pity for the arguing couples I seem to see everywhere.
Singledom rocks!!

Original poster
Macaroni22 · 23/01/2017 22:11

I have found my people Grin

That's what gets me the most- the pitying, it's so awkward..
And certain people that seem to think as a single woman you're going to be after their husbands- I don't want my own thank you let alone one that's married!

OP posts:
pineappleeyes · 23/01/2017 22:11

I'm with you.

I get asked why I'm single....because I chose to be single rather than been with an EA functioning alcoholic arse hole

"Haven't you met anyone yet?" No because I REALLY don't want to. I had years of hell I love my life & my children love their lifetoo. Me havinh a relationship would knock us all out of kilter!!

NameChanger22 · 23/01/2017 22:15

I love being single. Nothing could make me ever want to live with a man again.

therealpippi · 23/01/2017 22:24

I am with you all.

TheElephantofSurprise · 23/01/2017 22:27

I've had a long time alone and wouldn't mind having a partner. But not one who is currently married to someone else. And not one who just wants to shag anything with a pulse. So I might as well resign myself to the rest of my life alone. My standards are clearly too high.

Lessthanaballpark · 23/01/2017 22:27

Oh God yes! It's the sympathetic head tilt, the assumption that you want someone.

I always say "why fix something if it's not broken?"

user1484317265 · 23/01/2017 22:29

I suppose because few people are really happy being single, so people aren't used to it.

Some are, obviously, but others don't sound very convincing when they say things like:
because I chose to be single rather than been with an EA functioning alcoholic arse hole
as if they are the 2 options possible. If they could have their dream partner would they still be so happy to be single?

Teaholic · 23/01/2017 22:31

People never ask me about it. I've been single so long, they think it's forever now. At 45......... For ages I wasn't ready. My kids were young, abusive x. I had to become the sort of woman the kind of man I wanted could date and consider an equal. I am ready now but I wanted to sort my life out first.
I hope it happens now though.

AlwaysTheWinner · 23/01/2017 22:31

Yes! I feel exactly the same!
Sick of hearing people say, oh you never know what's round the corner. Funny when people say that they always mean a man, not a lottery win or a world trip or any of the thousand other things I want more than a relationship!

BemoWax · 23/01/2017 22:32

I endured this for years. I'm only in my twenties but was single for a long time, and very happy about it.

Mum's at the school gate telling me "not to worry" because I'd meet someone soon etc. I was perfectly happy being on my own, not having to answer to anyone and pleasing myself what I did.

As it happens, I have met someone who makes me very happy, but I'd have been very content if it hadn't happened.

The assumption that we all need a man to make us happy and fulfilled is kind of insulting really!

Teaholic · 23/01/2017 22:34

uSER14 ETC
intimacy can feel very intrusive or something, when you're not in the right place. Obviously loads of people are out there, deeply flawed people, having crappy relationships that make them miserable. But when you aren't really able for a relationship, the notion of a 'dream partner' is a non sequitur. It's a dream relationship. Which can't happen until you're in a really good place and able to weed out men who are not also ready and in a good place and able for a relationship.

Lorelei76 · 23/01/2017 22:36

I think there's a factor of what you've been through too

I've been through a lot of stuff that's made me feel like going home to a peaceful home with just me in it has been a life saver

After that the people close to me really realised it was right for me.

Teaholic · 23/01/2017 22:39

Yes, definitely. That is what I longed for for years, and then valued when I got it. Peace. Autonomy in my own home at least. Nobody to answer to. It has been a process moving through that, now ready to let somebody in. It would have to be the right person though. I don't need a raft and I can't be anybody else's raft either.

UnexplainedOnHerCollar · 23/01/2017 22:42

Oh yes OP I'm recently single, and people have started to talk about friends they could set me up with. Erm please don't!

I may one day be up for a fling or occasional FWB (kept separate from the DC), but I can't imagine ever wanting to be in a relationship – and as a PP said, I definitely don't ever want to have to live with a man. Everything you said about the remote, the stupid arguments, the bed-sharing, the smell :o I bought my own nice duvet cover and pillowcases and now they don't get ruined by a stinky bloke. So many small pleasures like these.

IrenetheQuaint · 23/01/2017 22:50

Totally with you, OP.

A former boss once said to me, patronisingly, 'You'll probably find someone just when you're not looking.' To which I replied that I had been happily not looking for several years, actually, which rather blew his theory out of the water.

Lorelei76 · 23/01/2017 22:53

Oh I should probably say in case of misunderstandings
The stuff I've been through is not man related, but health and bereavement related
My two main partners were lovely but that whole thing just isn't for me.

Original poster
Macaroni22 · 23/01/2017 22:59

I'm 26 so right at the age where all my friends are off getting married and settling down and the amount of comments about my singledom is ridiculous, and even when you say you're very happy that way nobody ever believes you and if they do you just get the 'you're, one day you'll meet the man to change your mind' As if I'm not capable of knowing my feelings :S
I felt this way ever since I can remember and my ex of 4yrs just confirmed it for me that I am happy on my own forever :)

OP posts:
UnexplainedOnHerCollar · 23/01/2017 23:07

I have a relative who has spent her life single, now approaching 80. She told me in her youth she had a boyfriend and was in a car with him and he said something she didn't like, and she just thought "This isn't for me". She got out of the car and walked away and never wanted a man ever again. She's had a fabulous life, great career, loads of friends and interests, travelled the world, huge extended family to whom she's been a lovely auntie and great auntie. For some people it really is what they want, even from the start.

Quarksoundslikequack · 23/01/2017 23:11

Please tell me how I can be like you!

I despise being single, I constantly feel like I've got something missing from my life, as if I can't be happy unless someone loves me on an intimate level.....the thought of potentially being single for at least a year absolutely terrifies me!

I just want to feel how you all feel & that's happy & content being single!

GladAllOver · 23/01/2017 23:16

I was very happy single, definitely not looking for a partner, turned down every invitation.
Then I met this guy and wham!

Lorelei76 · 23/01/2017 23:21

Unexplained, I like that story Smile
I think I knew from about 21. I did tell the two boyfriends that I would never want to get married...and I was that person who got moaned at "you don't spend enough time with me" etc and finally I realised I didn't want any of it.

It's like the kid shit, many people just don't like anyone deviating from the norm.

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