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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask my ex if dd can use his address

34 replies

eveteen · 18/01/2017 21:07

DD will likely be going to university this year. I earn a fair salary but DH's salary is such that it would mean that it takes us out of the likely bracket for any financial support for when she is studying. My ex and his wife earn much less and would certainly qualify. I want to ask him to allow Dd to use his address on grant applications . She has a bedroom at both addresses and spends time at both. I fully intend to pay what I can but don't think it's fair to expect Dh to support her . Ex has low income but is financially secure but is also tight as a ducks bum. I know he will pay some towards her costs but we both have sc and other expenses. I don't want to discuss with either ex or dh until I have thought it through.

OP posts:

Oysterbabe · 18/01/2017 21:08

Yabu to try and con the system yes.

DaftJelly · 18/01/2017 21:10

Tricky. What are the rules on main residences? Does she spend equal time with you both?

I'd tread very carefully.

imisschocolate · 18/01/2017 21:16

When I was at uni it was my biological parents income that matter. My step dads was irrelevant.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 18/01/2017 21:17

No; you'd be defrauding the system if she lives with you.

Do check whether her step dads income will be taken into account though. I can't remember if it is anymore but if it is, she'll have to do what most students do and get a job. She'll be okay. We all survive.

Everytimeref · 18/01/2017 21:18

Now a low income just equates to a larger loan. There is no maintenance grant.

Chloe84 · 18/01/2017 21:19

If she spends equal time at yours and ex, then couldn't you change her official address to ex's? That way she would be genuinely entitled to financial support.

Original poster

eveteen · 18/01/2017 21:20

It does feel like I am cheating but I am not sure that I really am. She spends a lot of time at either address. She has a bedroom at both and could in theory be registered at either . I have a good relationship with the ex and in a way it just makes economic sense. I would not commit fraud but feel that I am in a position where I could 'flip" addresses quite legitimately.

OP posts:

littleblackno · 18/01/2017 21:25

I did it (15 years ago). TBF I had moved out of both parents years before I went to uni but because I was still not old enough to be a mature student (i was 23 at the time) the last parent I lived with had to give info on income otherwise I would not get any support. I gave my dad's details as neither of my parents would support me financially and I would not have been able to afford to do it.
Go for it, as a graduate she's likely to be paying more back into the system and as it's a loan anyway she's not exactly getting anything for free.

Peanutandphoenix · 18/01/2017 21:26

That's conning the system and it's morally wrong that financial support is meant for people who really need it it's not their for people who are just trying to cheat the system because they don't want to pay. What your daughter needs to do is what most students do when they can't afford uni she needs to get a job.

PollytheDolly · 18/01/2017 21:29

Taking of ducks bums. Student finance want to know the ins and outs of one.

I'd stay above board if I were you.

andintothefire · 18/01/2017 21:41

You need to get some proper advice from them if you want everything above board legally. A quick search doesn't reveal the obvious answer in this situation. You also need to make sure your daughter won't be in breach of contract if the wrong information is given - again I am not sure of the terms of the contract or any contractual consequences of breach so you may want to look into this.

From a purely moral perspective, however, personally I think it depends on who actually supports your daughter. If you and your DH primarily support her (with your ex paying maintenance to you) then it does seem as though you should be the ones who have their household income assessed. I think it is fair in those circumstances for you to ask him to help support her at university (or, if you prefer to think of it this way, for more of your income to go on supporting her and for more of his to go to supporting you).

It's a slightly unfair situation though - I do agree that stepparents should not automatically be assumed to support their stepchildren financially (especially post-18!), and sympathise with your temptation to register your daughter at her father's address.

To a PP who suggested the daughter get a job - it isn't always that simple. Some universities prohibit it in term time, and there is no way I could have combined my degree with a regular job given the amount of reading that I needed to do (both in term time and in the holidays). Having said that, I did work during the summer holidays and took a gap year to save up some money.

littleblackno · 18/01/2017 21:45

Just for info I do still also have a job and left with a massive debt. I would have less debt if I'd used my mum's address but actually wouldn't have been able to get my degree without the means tested loan.

TheWoodlander · 18/01/2017 21:46

The rules must have changed - because when I went to Uni, my stepdads wages were not taken into account because he had never legally adopted me, and my dad's weren't counted because he was divorced from my mum and maintenance had legally stopped at 18.

My mum wasn't working, so I got a full grant. Yes, I'm old, and yes, those were the days.

harridan50 · 18/01/2017 21:52

It is your daughter who will have a big debt

Megatherium · 18/01/2017 21:53

Are you sure they will take your husband's income into account? Does he have any obligation to maintain her?

ToastieRoastie · 18/01/2017 21:54

If your DD has a bedroom at both places and can split her time equally, then why can't she use her dads address? School admissions allow people to use either parents address so long as they have shared care of the DC.

Check the rules and whether the step-parents income is counted. If it is, it seems very unfair that your DH income is seen as supporting your DD when she has her own father to do that.

YorkiesGlasses · 18/01/2017 21:56

Which address was her child benefit paid to? It might be relevant.

BoneyBackJefferson · 18/01/2017 21:57

The last time I looked (a long time ago) there was something about if who you lived with for the last 5 years.

If you are/were the main carer then they can/could check for child benefit etc.

mummymeister · 18/01/2017 21:58

I would get some proper advice on this. not saying that others might not have experience but every case is different.

you do realise that all it will mean is that your daughter can get more money on a loan rather than getting a grant of some sort.

if equal time is spent at both then this is what has to go on the form. where is your daughter registered for her GP? where is she registered for the dentist? which electoral roll is she on? all of these answers will point to which address she should be using.

ToastieRoastie · 18/01/2017 21:58

Looks like your a parents partners income does count if you are under 25 and depend on them financially:

www.gov.uk/apply-for-student-finance/household-income

ADishBestEatenCold · 18/01/2017 22:07

At which address is she named on the electoral register?

I would think that address would be her residence.

ADishBestEatenCold · 18/01/2017 22:09

Ooops, sorry mummymeister. I see you had just asked that .

HelenaGWells · 18/01/2017 22:11

At which address is she named on the electoral register? I would think that address would be her residence.

This^ I would assume that Student Finance would make that assumption as well.

SouthWestmom · 18/01/2017 22:15

The loan rules are crap tbh. It's a loan for maintenance but takes no account of outgoings of parents. We earn shed loads and have a huge mortgage (older parents, short mortgage as we won't be able to pay past 65) on a normal SE house, lot of debt, disabled child, all that jazz but we are still expected to pay for dd to go to uni. Personally I think the loans should be available to anyone wanting to go. Whatever age and financial situation.

Eevee77 · 18/01/2017 22:15

Where is she registered at for the electoral register. What about doctors and phone contracts? Where does her post go? That is her residence

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