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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

One round of ICSI. Worth it?

39 replies

VivienneWestwoodsKnickers · 13/01/2017 21:18

We can only get one go at ICSI on the NHS.

There is no question of us paying privately for any additional attempts - each round is £5k, and we have agreed we don't want to start a family massively in debt.

WIBU to put us through all the difficulties of ICSI and all it entails when our chances are currently less than 23% of it working?

If you've been through this, WIBU to ask what you did or would do if you had to go through it again?

OP posts:
empirerecordsrocked · 13/01/2017 21:21

23% is more than 0% so yes I would.

Artfooldodger · 13/01/2017 21:21

We did and our 8 year old is asleep in bed. One and only go too.

notsurehowtodothis · 13/01/2017 21:22

Big hugs OP - this is a tough time.

I guess it depends on much you feel having a biological child is important to you.

If it's important to you, and you get the chance, go for it.

But, if it isn't successful, or if you decide not to go via ICSI, just remember, biology has absolutely f* all to do with being a Mummy, and your son or daughter will come one way or another.

Good luck xxxx

Skatingonthinice16 · 13/01/2017 21:24

I don't think you've anything to lose? If you are very fortunate it will work or it may give you frozen blastocysts which would be cheaper to use in subsequent cycles?

Our icsi failed the two cycles we tried and we didn't get any blasts either but the actual process wasn't even a tenth as bad as I imagined. PM me if you would like to. It's absolutely worth a roll of the dice as far as I can see.
What is making you think otherwise?

Original poster
VivienneWestwoodsKnickers · 13/01/2017 21:28

Thanks everyone. skating I think what makes me question it is that I'm a bit of a pessimist, so the odds to me are massively against us rather than having a good chance of working.

I'm terrified of it failing and us being left with nothing. I'm terrified of the whole process affecting our relationship.

OP posts:
Skatingonthinice16 · 13/01/2017 21:31

You do have to be realistic when starting he cycle. It is a bit like gambling. I'm assuming it's male factor infertility you have as it's icsi you have been referred for? Could you afford to have cycles with blasts if you got any of the fresh cycle didn't work? I would definitely consider that because it would be heartbreaking to have blastocysts but be unable to use them.
Could you look at egg sharing to reduce the cost if the cycle didn't work?

bookeatingboy · 13/01/2017 21:34

We had 7 rounds of treatment... all privately funded with savings initially then we borrowed the rest. I can't understand why you wouldn't at least give it your best shot, you owe that to yourself at least despite the outcome, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain surely.

For us it was worth it getting into debt, e4r5ty6I have two nearly 9 year olds and I say without doubt that I am thankful I let my heart rule my head on this one.

Yes we were in debt, but we aren't anymore. We downsized to a smaller house, no new cars , no holidays for a few years. We do ok now, live very well within our means. Things don't have to stay the same forever.

Original poster
VivienneWestwoodsKnickers · 13/01/2017 21:34

Yes, massive male factor infertility. Less than 0.001% chance of natural conception. I appear to be fairly middle of the road apart from being very overweight.

I need to lose 5 stone before any treatment. I turn 36 in 7 weeks. Am feeling very sorry for myself if I'm honest, let alone all the sadness for my DP who is devastated.

Do you mean egg sharing as in my eggs being donated to other people?

OP posts:
bookeatingboy · 13/01/2017 21:35

e4r5ty61 please ignore that bit, cat jumped on my lap Grin

Skatingonthinice16 · 13/01/2017 21:38

Yes some clinics offer egg sharing which reduces your costs. I mean you have to give it careful thought because it means then that you could have children who are genetically yours but belong to other parents. It does reduce your cost though...

I think you either need to decide not to pursue having biological children or give it your all and have this attempt. At least you will know then. It's a horrible situation, we knew we would have more than one go (privately funded) and we subsequently had a donor round in Spain (which was cheaper even with travel costs) but also failed.

Original poster
VivienneWestwoodsKnickers · 13/01/2017 21:38

bookeating that's wonderful, congratulations on your children! For us, debt is a no go.

I have spent the last 18years barely keeping my head above water financially and am finally on course to be debt free in 9 months. We have agreed we don't want to go back into that position. For me, I would be afraid of having debt in the order of tens of thousands when I have a family to provide for, as it was hard enough when it was just me and the cat. It's absolutely no reflection on anyone else's choices, I have no issue with the decisions being different, but my situation is clouded by previous debt.

OP posts:
NewYearNewLife53 · 13/01/2017 21:39

I had ICSI at 41. It worked. Now got a near 12 yr old (dd2). Before that I had IVF - 3rd time lucky with dd1 but low fertilisation rate. We both appeared to be okay on the surface so unexplained fertility. I'd definitely give it a shot if I were you

FatimaLovesBread · 13/01/2017 21:44

I had 1 round of icsi. Also male factor infertility.
We ended up going private as the waiting list was long and delayed as we switched pct. I also did egg share as mentioned above to help someone else and reduce costs.
Resulted in a 4 year old and a 9 month old

Latenightreader · 13/01/2017 21:47

My clinic only does egg sharing under a certain age - the cut off is 35 or younger.

I'm gearing up to start ICSI. A round for my treatment plan is one lot of egg collection and any fertilised eggs not transferred on the first instance are frozen and transferred if the first attempt is unsuccessful - this all counts as one round. If I was on a different plan, additional transfers would cost considerably less than ICSI - in the region of £1000 rather than £5000. It is worth checking whether freezing and later transfer is included in the NHS, because if it is it feels like more than one go (or it does to me).

It's a tough decision. Thinking of you.

bookeatingboy · 13/01/2017 21:48

Vivienne I understand, I really do, it was really tough when the children we very young. But in your shoes I would still have the NHS cycle, lots of people have been lucky on their first attempt. At least then you will know one way or the other, if you don't have the cycle, then you may have regrets if you don't succeed naturally.

Egg sharing will reduce your cost significantly but as skating says you may have biological children that legally belong to other parents. This wouldn't bother me but it does some.

Going abroad is again cheaper, this is where we had our successful cycle, but as you say debt is not an option for you so not a viable option.

Bibs2014 · 13/01/2017 21:51

I have a 2-year-old DS from our frozen cycle on our first round of ICSI. I'd go for it.

Feilin · 13/01/2017 21:57

Do it. You will forever be wondering what if. Our NHS round failed I was devastated my husband more so. Round two worked and our 9 month old bundle of busyness is currently snoring upstairs. The heartbreak of a failed round is harsh but I'll tell you I would rather have that than not tried at all. Never knowing was a no go for me .

Naty1 · 13/01/2017 21:58

Not sure but you probably need to be under 35 for egg sharing.
We had a count in the thousands and now have 2 dc out 3 icsi rounds.
It was about 5k per round.
Do you have to lose the weight before you are referred?

waitingimpatient · 13/01/2017 22:02

Go for it-23% is better than 0% !

We have had 1x IVF cycle and from that cycle 2x FET cycles and 1xICSI cycle and had a FET cycle in oct and have 2 embryos left in the freezer. Hasn't worked yet but we're still trying.
You may be lucky so go for it !

Osirus · 13/01/2017 22:09

We had one round of ICSI in 2015.

Our odds of success with one embryo was 15%. Putting two back increased our odds to 26%. It worked and DD is now 6 months old.

I know it's different for everyone, but I found going through the treatment was easy, physically and emotionally. Keeping an open mind really helps. Our clinic made things very easy for us too. They were great.

Good luck!

JustHappy3 · 13/01/2017 22:13

Go for it. It will be hard with so much riding on it but it will be just as hard in the long run to stop. The what ifs might get to you.
And really the percentages are false - for you it's binary, it either works or it doesn't. It helped me mentally to think of it 50/50 like that.
I will cross my fingers for you.

Original poster
VivienneWestwoodsKnickers · 13/01/2017 22:28

The binary perspective is a good one, thank you.

We were referred by the GP with no mention of the weight at all. The fertility clinic saw us and explained a few things. ICSI or bust, basically. They will see us again on the same referral if I'm under the weight limit in that time, or it will need a fresh GP referral if it takes me longer.

OP posts:
flumposie · 13/01/2017 22:48

Totally worth it. I had one round of icsi at the age of 38 which was successful. Daughter turned 7 last week. Odds stacked against me. Was also told that pregnancy would not last. It did.

bigchangesabound · 13/01/2017 22:51

We did ICSI and have a 15 month old from first try on NHS and a few in the freezer for potential future siblings. Though this will have to be done privately.
I will say however that the NHS are very strict on their conditions for ivf, one which is to have bmi of 30 or less. I was 30 and was basically told I couldn't put on any more weight and they would be checking at each appointment (though they didn't).
It's worth giving a free one a go.

EatingMyWords · 13/01/2017 22:56

I had one try of ICSI at 39 and it resulted in my now 8 year old son. Well worth it!

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