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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want more kids one day?

44 replies

Busybeesbum · 12/01/2017 08:35

Hello.
I have four children aged from 10 to 2. I love kids and have enjoyed every part of motherhood up to now. I love the closeness breastfeeding gave us and love spending time with my children. Everyone in my life knows this. Yesterday I was out with my mum and we started talking about how many kids is reasonable. I told her I would quite like more children and she was horrified. She told me 4 is quite enough and I shouldn't even consider having more. I'm single anyway so it's unlikely at present but aibu by being annoyed by her attitude?

OP posts:

justanotheryoungmother · 12/01/2017 08:37

I think that if you can afford it and are capable of having another one (not necessarily now) then you should do it if you want to- it's your life, not your mother's

FishInAWetSuitAndFlippers · 12/01/2017 08:38

You were having a discussion, you probably came up with a number that would offend someone too.

I'd just avoid the subject in future.

Original poster

Busybeesbum · 12/01/2017 08:43

I didn't mention a number I just said I wanted more.

OP posts:

Snowflakes1122 · 12/01/2017 08:49

I supppse as your mum she's thinking about how it would impact you in a practice sense.
She maybe thinks it's hard enough for you as a single mother of four.

Original poster

Busybeesbum · 12/01/2017 08:55

True snowflakes maybe she misunderstood me. Despite having four kids I do think a relationship is not unattainable so at some point more kids would be good.

OP posts:

Araminta99 · 12/01/2017 08:55

YABU. I think most people would view 4 children as quite enough to handle.

Pluto30 · 12/01/2017 08:57

Eh, I can see where she's coming from.

You have four young children, and you're a single mother. It's likely she thinks you've got bigger fish to fry than to worry about having more kids in the future.

Plus, your desire for more children is all about you and what you want. It's not regarding your existing children. This is what I've gleaned from your posts on this thread thus far.

MLGs · 12/01/2017 09:37

I agree it depends on if you can afford it and whether it would impact negatively on your existing children.

They are so rewarding at later stages of childhood and as adults (not in every case, but often) anyway that I would try to focus on enjoying every stage with those you have and not just the closeness of breastfeeding, having a new born etc.

I know not everyone wants a career but that can be rewarding too (not saying you haven't had one but just thinking of all the different things life has to offer). Have you considered a job that involves working with kids? Or had that kind of job in the past? If you love kids and their company it doesn't have to be your own. You could do a lot of good working with other people's kids once yours are at school.

ghostspirit · 12/01/2017 09:53

I guess thats just your mums opinion. It does not mean you have to agree. I have 6 I'm not having any more. Because it's the right choice for me that I made myself. You don't have to rule anything in or out. Just see what the future brings.

Original poster

Busybeesbum · 12/01/2017 09:54

It's not all about me but I have always wanted a big family and I think with the right setting no child suffers quite the opposite. I'm working currently 2 days a week in a job related to children and am going to increase my hours as they get older.

OP posts:

Original poster

Busybeesbum · 12/01/2017 09:56

Thanks ghost I'm only 32 so hopefully if I was in the right situation I'd be able to have more

OP posts:

NathanBarleyrocks · 12/01/2017 09:56

Can you afford it without relying on anyone other than the father? Eg, not needing tax credits, any other tax payer funded handouts etc?

Original poster

Busybeesbum · 12/01/2017 10:02

Hi Nathan at present I can afford the four I have as my ex husband pays maintainence and I work so don't need/qualify for state handouts

OP posts:

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 12/01/2017 10:08

Unless you expect her to help bring them up I suppose it's not your mums business but she's only giving an opinion. Big families are a nice theory but hard work and expensive. I would have liked more than two but haven't had more as I don't think I could handle it.

Original poster

Busybeesbum · 12/01/2017 10:11

Lol, Lois it's hard work but I do love being a mum.

OP posts:

tinyterrors · 12/01/2017 12:21

It's not unreasonable to want more children but depending on your circumstances, now or future, it may be unreasonable to have more children.

I have four and I'd love another child but we can only just afford the children we have (number four was a huge surprise), another child is out of the question financially as we'd need a bigger house.

Original poster

Busybeesbum · 12/01/2017 12:54

Hi tiny. True in an ideal world I'd like 2 more but that's if I'm in a situation where that's going to work

OP posts:

Lottapianos · 12/01/2017 13:02

You love spending time with your children? That's great. So spend time with your children. The four children that you already have. They are all very young and need your time and attention. You're not unreasonable to want another baby - none of us can help our feelings - but it would be very unreasonable to go through with it IMO

Original poster

Busybeesbum · 12/01/2017 15:04

Hi lotta I'm single so it's unlikely anyway. I don't think it's a crime to dream about more kids though even if it doesn't happen x

OP posts:

Lovemuffin89 · 15/01/2017 18:25

I agree with Justanotheryoungmother on this one. You are at the reigns of your own life - not your mom. If you can manage more kids and want to have more then by all means do!

formerbabe · 15/01/2017 18:35

I think you're mad . I have 2 DC and the thought of anymore makes me break out in a cold sweat!

I couldn't care less how many DC other people have though.

formerbabe · 15/01/2017 18:36

By the way, does your mother provide you with childcare? Is that why she doesn't think you should have more?

missbishi · 15/01/2017 20:03

That's what I thought too, former. Or maybe she can't afford to gift for any more grandchildren?

anyoldname76 · 15/01/2017 20:10

i have 3 children and i must admit i miss the baby stage, i missed out on my last dc first few weeks as i had a stroke, i would love another but health and finances wouldn't allow it. there is nothing wrong with wanting more. my mum would be horrified if i told her i was pregnant again and i must admit im always shattered at the end of the day so for me its just a bit of a daydream

Babbitywabbit · 15/01/2017 20:13

It's your life so if you can afford it then it's up to you.
Personally though I think it's a bit sad for existing children when a parent seems so obsessed with having more and more kids. I'm not saying they'll necessarily be unhappy or disadvantaged by it. It's just that being a parent is so rich and fulfilling that to make it more about quantity just seems a bit.... sad.
I know fabulous mothers who cherish every moment who have one or two children- they don't seem to need more to totally enjoy the experience.
Also bear in mind that the teenage years will present quite different challenges and you may find your existing children don't take to readily to babies and toddlers around. Not saying it can't work, but having seen friends of mine with huge age ranges, it makes it a lot harder not just in terms of daily life and family activities, but meeting everyone's emotional needs

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