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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to email the school!

66 replies

DeadZed · 05/01/2017 14:02

DD1 has again lost her PE kit. I think (she says) it has been left in a classroom at some point. DD2 has also lost her PE kit, same story, left somewhere on school property never to be seen again.

So I am cross with DD1 as this is the fourth !! PE kit we have had to replace in three years of school. And DD2 has done the same. So yes I am cross with the girls but AIBU to think the school is partly at fault? I am wondering how their lost property system works if we cannot ever get anything back again.

I told dd1 I am going to email the school. She is horrified because she knows she is at fault. I can't afford another full kit again.

DD2 is very laid back which is also fueling my fire!

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 05/01/2017 14:05

I'm sorry but you're daughter is right, the fault is 100 percent with them, it's not the school. Have the girls even checked lost property? If it's not there someone could have taken it.

They simply have to take better care of their belongings. It's like saying i left my purse in a cafe, do you think the cafe is at fault. Eh no.

ParadiseCity · 05/01/2017 14:06

How old are your DDs? I would email school asking for their help with checking lost property, any kind of system for preventing loss ie reminding the kids, and also to ask if they have 2nd hand PE kit for sale?

HarryPottersMagicWand · 05/01/2017 14:08

I would. Surely the PE kits can only be at home or at school.

DS recently told me he had to miss PE because he didn't have his kit. I was baffled as it wasn't at home but I double checked anyway. Nope, definitely not here. I wrote a note to the teacher saying I had searched but I know it was sent back to school after DS wore it home after a club. DS said the TA looked for it, couldn't find it. I cobbled together a slightly old PE top and some shorts from home. Was about to give up and fork out for a new kit when it turned up. It had somehow ended up right in the back of a cupboard at school, having fallen out of the box they all have to keep their kit in. Thankfully the TA had had another look for it as I knew 100% it wasn't at home and I drop and pick DS up so there is no way it could be anywhere else.

harderandharder2breathe · 05/01/2017 14:08

Is this secondary school? If so then it's your daughters fault, 11+ is more than old enough to take responsibility for their own belongings. Are you paying for new pe kits every time? Take it out of her pocket money, so there's an actual consequence to carelessness. Only replace outgrown things, anything lost is their own responsibility.

HarryPottersMagicWand · 05/01/2017 14:09

Sorry bluntness but thats crap. Sometimes the school is at fault.

ParadiseCity · 05/01/2017 14:09

PS but I wouldn't see emailing school as something to 'threaten'. My DC know I email their schools regularly about various things - so they know that if you need help or have a problem, you should ask, and also, to make a point of saying thank you to the school for various things.

BlackeyedSusan · 05/01/2017 14:11

you can ask how the system workls.

if you think that being embarressed by the PE teacher will help her memory I would email them and ask them to have a word with dd about being careless.

or make dd pay.

or if dd has a good reason to forget (dyspaxic etc) then she contributes.

GruochMacAlpin · 05/01/2017 14:11

How is it the schools fault?

I managed to get through 6 years of high school without ever losing a PE kit or a coat. My sister lost hers regularly.

The difference isn't down to the school.

Bluntness100 · 05/01/2017 14:13

How is the school at fault?

MuseumOfCurry · 05/01/2017 14:13

What would you like the school to do?

canteatcustard · 05/01/2017 14:14

of course it isnt the schools fault!
its your daughters.

look at lost property, and if selling 2nd hand uniform, buy loads of 2nd hand PE stuff.

Narnian · 05/01/2017 14:15

I don't blame the school when things go missing but I am completely bewildered as to where the bloody hell things disappear to in school.

DD aged 9 had to take her PE kit in one day last year for whatever they were doing on a non-PE day. Everything was labelled, in a labelled carrier bag. It vanished for eight months then turned up on her peg in school. Her school photos went missing for a year then appeared on her desk. Where do these things go in the interim?

MyWhatICallNameChange · 05/01/2017 14:17

It's amazing how quick my son found his lost PE kit when I said he'd be paying for a new one out of his pocket money. Wink

AldrinJustice · 05/01/2017 14:17

Why are they leaving their bags in the classroom/somewhere on school property if it's primary? There's coat hooks surely that they hang their bags and coats up on no??

And if they're in secondary - sorry but your kids should be more mindful and remember their kits. Failing that, tell them to stuff their clothes in the school backpack with their books and keep their trainers in a separate boot bag if they're heavy trainers.

Original poster
DeadZed · 05/01/2017 14:18

How is the school at fault?

I don't think the school is at fault for dd losing the kit. I am wondering how the lost property systems works if over three years the girls have collectively lost 5 PE kits and we have not been able to get anything back.

Btw this is secondary school. I now know that DD1 did not make any effort to look until I threatened to email school.

It is a great idea to use her pocket money to pay for another one except she is still paying for the last one (which included MY favourite trainers).

I don't really blame the school for dd's ability to lose things.

OP posts:
Original poster
DeadZed · 05/01/2017 14:19

Gruoch I too managed to get through all my school years without losing any PE kits. I despair with dd1.

OP posts:
ParadiseCity · 05/01/2017 14:20

Potentially there are lots of things the school could do.

If the children are very small the school could remind them more, they could double check the kids are using their own pegs, they could look in lost property.

If it's high school they could suggest DD buddies with a friend after PE to remind each other, or suggest she writes in her planner for the lesson after PE check kit, or they might have more than one lost property place.

When something is becoming a problem there is no harm in letting school know as they are the experts on how it all works. So likely to have more strategies than a parent who can only really get pissed off and tell their child to remember things better.

Bluntness100 · 05/01/2017 14:21

It's amazing how quick my son found his lost PE kit when I said he'd be paying for a new one out of his pocket money.

BIgBagofJelly · 05/01/2017 14:22

Does seem a little odd that four kits have completely disappeared. I would email to clarify what happens to lost property. As long as there's an allocated lost property area that everyone knows about not sure what else the school can do. If someone's deliberately taking it that sucks but your DD's will just need to be more careful!

Bluntness100 · 05/01/2017 14:22

Why can't the parent or the kid decide to buddy with a friend or write it in her planner , why does the school need to suggest it? 🙄

sailorcherries · 05/01/2017 14:25

I think it depends entirely on the age of the child.

In primary school kits are normally kept in bags or the classroom and are never moved, unless the child takes it home/take it out outside etc. The school/teacher can reasonably look (I have at least 3 cardigans and 4 jumpers found in my class, sitting on a shelf, that apparently belong to no one!)
In secondary though teachers cannot be held responsible if a child leaves something on a bus/forgets to collect it from PE/leaves it in a class.

LemonBreeland · 05/01/2017 14:27

At DS1's school the kids won't go to lost property to look because they get the piss taken out of them and it's embarrassing! Seriously! DS1 thankfully is not too bad for keeping hold of his stuff.

If the one who had lost 4 kits was my child they would not see a penny of pocket money until they paid for a replacement, and they would be getting the cheapest kit possible, including trainers.

ParadiseCity · 05/01/2017 14:28

Good point! Well because they were just guesses at ideas and not based on any knowledge of the school or how it works there. You're right there is no reason for the parent or child to think of that either. I have just found with high school I don't have a clue of the layout etc so when my PFB has had any issues, I've emailed school and said sorry for being clueless but x problem is happening and do you have any suggestions, and they're really helpful.

Obvs I don't email them constantly and I'm very polite etc.

Stillunexpected · 05/01/2017 14:29

I now know that DD1 did not make any effort to look until I threatened to email school. - so I hope you are not still blaming the school! If your DDs are losing multiple sets of games kit and can't even be bothered to look for it, that is 100% their issue.

If it's high school they could suggest DD buddies with a friend after PE to remind each other, or suggest she writes in her planner for the lesson after PE check kit, or they might have more than one lost property place - the school can suggest all they like but most 11+ year olds will snort at the idea of reminding their "buddy" to take their PE kit with them. By the time they get to 13+ they certainly won't be reminding each other. Generally, it's not immediately after PE that the kit gets lost anyway but somewhere around school while being carried between classroom, bus stop, lunch, locker, classrooms etc. Again, why should school be suggesting what anyone needs to write in her planner? Why wouldn't parents do that if lost PE kit is an issue?

HarrietSchulenberg · 05/01/2017 14:29

I work in a secondary school and PE kits go missing all the time. Sometimes it's pupil error ("not where I left it" often means "I can't remember where I left it"), sometimes it's "borrowed" by another child who's forgotten their own kit so picks up a random bag and hopes for the best. Sometimes kits are actually stolen, never to be seen again, and sometimes they turn up on the sports hall roof when it's cleared in the summer holidays.
Best advice is for kids to take their kit on the days they need it, cart it round with them if they don't have a locker, and bring it home at night.
I just wish my own boys would follow my advice.