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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Disabled FIL is adamant about sleeping on our sofa....WIBU

37 replies

BaldricksTrousers · 30/12/2016 12:50

To book him a hotel room nearby?

Backstory: FIL who has mobility issues is driving a van down to our area and wants to stay the night with us. We have a three bedroom house but one room is a box room with no spare beds. He is convinced he wants to sleep on our sofa. We have a Premier Inn and Holiday Inn 10 mins down the road but he refuses to get a room saying he doesn't want to leave the van with the stuff in the car park. We have offered to have the van parked here and to drive him to the hotel but he still refuses. I don't think it's a money issue because they have enough but not sure if he's being tight or stubborn.

Our house is not ideal for him to stay over, there is a toilet on the ground floor but the shower is upstairs. We have also thought about offering our bed but as it is upstairs he might have difficulty.

WIBU to get him a hotel room anyway? Or would this be insulting to him? I don't mind him staying (although it will be damned cramped in here), but he has never "helped himself" with his disability and is notorious for pushing the envelope (parking far out of the way, dragging himself up stairs when there is a lift, etc)

OP posts:

Reality16 · 30/12/2016 12:51

How would staying at a premier inn benefit his mobility issues?

pasturesgreen · 30/12/2016 12:53

Are you planning to pay for the hotel room or just book it for him and leave fil to foot the bill? If the latter, you're being extremely U.

KinkyAfro · 30/12/2016 12:53

Sounds a bit mean, why can't he stay?

PotteringAlong · 30/12/2016 12:53

Why can't he sleep in your bed and you sleep on the sofa?

SparkleShinyGlitter · 30/12/2016 12:53

His an adult if he wants the sofa that's up to him. So no I wouldn't go ahead and book a hotel as I think that is insulting to him

Newyearnewbrain · 30/12/2016 12:53

Just one night? Let him.

Original poster

BaldricksTrousers · 30/12/2016 12:54

He can stay in a comfortable bed instead of a crappy sofa, he will have access to a private shower and bathroom on the same floor as his bedroom.

OP posts:

Original poster

BaldricksTrousers · 30/12/2016 12:55

I would obviously pay for the room if I booked it. And I'very already said we would offer him our bed but it's upstairs.

OP posts:

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 30/12/2016 12:55

It's only one night. He's not planning on moving in, is he? Let him stay.

AllTheBabies · 30/12/2016 12:56

If it's what he wants and it's only for one night I don't see the problem I'm afraid. My dad has similar issues so I understand the difficulties but it's one night!

blueskyinmarch · 30/12/2016 12:58

I would think for one night he will be fine on the sofa if that is what he wants. He has access to a toilet and her probably doesn't have to shower the next day. Surely a wash would suffice? He wants to be with you and your family not punted to a hotel. Leave him be.

Reality16 · 30/12/2016 13:00

He can stay in a comfortable bed instead of a crappy sofa, he will have access to a private shower and bathroom on the same floor as his bedroom.. What about the high level of the bed? Premier inn beds are quite raises, would he manage to get in it? Would he even manage the walk to the room? Some of them are quite a trek from the entrance? What if the lift was out of order?

ovenchips · 30/12/2016 13:00

I would let him do what he says he wants to do - sleep on your sofa. He's an adult and that is his choice. He knows your house, he knows his mobility issues, he knows there's a hotel alternative.

Even if it's a poor choice (and sounds like it is) you don't have to parent him and book a hotel room on his behalf.

I know you are trying to be kind in doing so but he doesn't want a hotel room and so you can only go by what he says.

Original poster

BaldricksTrousers · 30/12/2016 13:05

Thanks for the advice all. I knew I was probably BU. For the record I don't dislike my in-laws, but I have nearly the same affliction as my FIL but in the earlier stages, so I can understand what aneeds uncomfortable nights sleep can do to the body.

OP posts:

Dowser · 30/12/2016 13:13

I would never sleep on a sofa when there's a chance of a nice bed nearby.

Get his son to have a word with him.

PyongyangKipperbang · 30/12/2016 13:24

Is he in denial about his condition? I wouldnt want him staying on the sofa tbh, but thats because I really loathe having houseguests, I hate being one too! But if the issue is simply his disability and otherwise you dont mind him staying then I would say that its up to him. But I agree that he doesnt sound like he is doing himself any favours.

riceuten · 30/12/2016 13:26

I wonder if you just don't want him to stay (for another reason) and are looking for an excuse for this.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 30/12/2016 13:29

It's only a night, let him decide where he wants to sleep!

Oddbins · 30/12/2016 13:30

Maybe he wants to stay with his family not be lonely in a hotel room? To have a drink and chew the fat with his son until he falls asleep where he is rather than be taxied to his hotel when it's convenient

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 30/12/2016 13:31

I'd rather sleep on someone's sofa than Premier Inn tbh, the beds aren't comfy and the swelteringly hot unless you get one with air con.

Original poster

BaldricksTrousers · 30/12/2016 13:34

I wonder if you just don't want him to stay (for another reason) and are looking for an excuse for this.

If that were the case I would have said so, I don't need to lie to an online forum to make friends

OP posts:

EweAreHere · 30/12/2016 13:36

Let your DH handle it, one way or the other. It's his dad.

ManonLescaut · 30/12/2016 13:52

Can he actually get up the stairs?

My aged aunt comes to visit and insists in advance that she will get up the stairs, and when she arrives she doesn't.

GreenTureen · 30/12/2016 13:55

He might have all sorts of reasons for wanting to stay with you that he might not want to admit. He may be nervous of staying somewhere alone, be experiencing money issues and out of pride not want you to pay for it, have a general dislike of PI's. Or hell, he might just fancy a night with family where he doesn't have to be out and gone at a reasonable time.

It's just one night, he can do without using the shower if it's difficult. I think you would BU to book a hotel room on his behalf.

MrGrumpy01 · 30/12/2016 13:57

Lots of people with mobility issues sleep on a sofa to avoid using the stairs (especially if there is a downstairs bathroom or toilet)

He's making that decision despite an alternative on offer.

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