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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Disabled FIL is adamant about sleeping on our sofa....WIBU

37 replies

BaldricksTrousers · 30/12/2016 12:50

To book him a hotel room nearby?

Backstory: FIL who has mobility issues is driving a van down to our area and wants to stay the night with us. We have a three bedroom house but one room is a box room with no spare beds. He is convinced he wants to sleep on our sofa. We have a Premier Inn and Holiday Inn 10 mins down the road but he refuses to get a room saying he doesn't want to leave the van with the stuff in the car park. We have offered to have the van parked here and to drive him to the hotel but he still refuses. I don't think it's a money issue because they have enough but not sure if he's being tight or stubborn.

Our house is not ideal for him to stay over, there is a toilet on the ground floor but the shower is upstairs. We have also thought about offering our bed but as it is upstairs he might have difficulty.

WIBU to get him a hotel room anyway? Or would this be insulting to him? I don't mind him staying (although it will be damned cramped in here), but he has never "helped himself" with his disability and is notorious for pushing the envelope (parking far out of the way, dragging himself up stairs when there is a lift, etc)

OP posts:

Ginkypig · 30/12/2016 13:58

I have physical disabilities and would be quite upset if a family member decided they knew better than me what my own body could handle.

Which is how what your saying comes across baldrick

I'm not having a go at you as I think you think your trying to be helpful but unless you have a problem with him staying because he has issues that mean he can't make decisions for himself or for other reasons (which is your right as its your house) then you really need to let him make his own choice and decide for himself what his body can cope with.

He might suffer for it the next day (as I would) but that's up to him really isn't it.

LellyMcKelly · 30/12/2016 14:01

He has told you he wants to stay on your sofa. Respect his wishes, and make sure your sofa is as comfy as you can make it.

HecAteAllTheXmasPud · 30/12/2016 14:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jux · 30/12/2016 14:31

Maybe he doesn't want to let his condition rule his life? You might see that as unrealistic, or even foolish, but I was brought up in that school of thought and it's taken some horrendous experiences trying to fight ms to tell me that actually, I should take what help I can get. He's clearly not at that point.

C8H10N4O2 · 30/12/2016 14:47

Ginkypig I have physical disabilities and would be quite upset if a family member decided they knew better than me what my own body could handle.

Yes exactly this. Even if you have similar disabilities you will have differences of degree, impact and personal outlook. One of the most disabling things in my life is people telling me what I 'should' do and how I 'should' feel and assuming what I can and can't cope with instead of asking me.

He is an adult, whilst its kind and thoughtful to offer him choices respect his decision just as you would want your own respected.

MrsJayy · 30/12/2016 14:52

If he wants to sleep on the sofa let him why wouldn't you i am sure he is capable of deciding or not

scaryteacher · 30/12/2016 15:01

Perhaps the OP doesn't want her sofa used as a bed? Premier Inns do disabled rooms, with lower beds, and are very comfortable.

MrsJayy · 30/12/2016 15:03

She could have said i dont want anybody sleeping on my couch but didn't

HelenaWay · 30/12/2016 15:08

I wouldn't want someone sweating and drooling over my couch. Send him to the hotel.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 30/12/2016 15:10

Sweating and drooling? Presumably the OP would give him sheets and a pillow and sleeping on a sofa for one night does no more damage than sitting on it to watch telly.

Tartle · 30/12/2016 15:14

We did this with my grandad at Christmas and premier inn were actually really great. He had a disabled room next to door with a walk in shower and the bed was lower than usual I believe. The staff were also really helpful. I can totally see how it would be a really good and more comfy option for him. However if he really doesn't want to go then I don't think you can make him.

BrickInTheWall · 30/12/2016 16:03

I have to agree with some of the posters saying maybe he is more able than you realise?

I have rheumatoid arthritis which obviously can be very debillitating but I am lucky I am not severely affected and on medication which is managing it.
The last time I went through a flare up was the first since I have been in my group of friends and the difference in the way they treated me after they found out what it was made me feel about 2feet tall.

I know my capabilities better than anyone and Im sure your FIL is the same.
You mention how he drags himself up the stairs instead of using a lift... good for him to use his mobility while he still can!

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