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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

about MIL taking ds to the carnival

30 replies

kiki22 · 27/12/2016 10:28

He's 4 and would love the carnival that's on over Christmas here so we were planning to take him but only if my back payment of child benefit comes in because we are skint after christmas they have said it will come this week (I'm owed for 6 weeks for ds2). MIL has called this morning to ask to take him on Thursday I've said i will speak to do but I really wanted to take him.

My AIBU is he might miss out if my payment doesn't come in so should I let him go with MIL so he doesn't miss out? He doesn't know anything about it so he wouldn't know unless she told him. She's quite well off compared to us and has often taken him to things I would have liked to take him too before I've saved the money for it I feel like this time I want to be the one to do it with him even if it means waiting until next year.

OP posts:

cardibach · 27/12/2016 10:31

Can't you go with them? What is it about the carnival which is expensive? Could MiL cover this for your DC?

kilmuir · 27/12/2016 10:33

Blimey, let her take him. Can't you go with them?

ChasedByBees · 27/12/2016 10:34

Could you afford a ticket for you to go with them so you're not buying two tickets?

ConvincingLiar · 27/12/2016 10:35

Why can't you all go together? Say to mil that you can't afford it but if she's able to treat ds then you'd all love to go

Original poster

kiki22 · 27/12/2016 10:39

Well she works it like this if she takes him she pays if we go too we pay for the 3 if us its £17 a ticket. So even if we go with them it costs us the same. I fell out with her for the first time in 5 years when I was pregnant and she's still punishing me for it 😞

OP posts:

mortificado · 27/12/2016 10:41

Could you say you wanted to take ds, but as your skint would she mind paying for all of you and you pay her back when you can?

SaucyJack · 27/12/2016 10:45

She's not really punishing you by wanting to take her GS out for a treat.

It's a nice thing to do.

formerbabe · 27/12/2016 10:45

Just let her take him. You can take him next year. You sound very ungrateful.

harderandharder2breathe · 27/12/2016 10:47

Let him go with her

It's not his fault money is tight and you've said he'd really enjoy it

MrsJayy · 27/12/2016 10:50

Just let her take him
how is she punishing you ?

monkeywithacowface · 27/12/2016 10:54

I'd let her take him. It's a nice treat for him and if you are really skint then your mon y would be better saved for other things.

NavyandWhite · 27/12/2016 11:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

kiki22 · 27/12/2016 11:18

She is punishing us with this choice she could wait a few days to see if my payment comes but she wont because she knows I dont want ds to miss out. She tried to exclude me from our annual Santa visit and bought the things ds asked Santa for before me, she's also bought him show tickets I was going to get him for his birthday and is taking him. None of it matters that much it's the fact she's trying to punish me dp always told me I would be punished if I stepped out of line so I always kept my mouth shut but she upset me when I was under huge pressure suffering awful anxiety I told her I was hanging up because she upset me and did so since then I've been treated crappy. She's currently only speaking to 2/4 of her siblings and 1 of her parents for similar offences.

Tbh I always thought she couldn't be that bad and doubted it now I wish I never bothered. Just to be clear about saying I'm skint the bills are paid there's food/heat its just play money I'm short on.

OP posts:

MrsJayy · 27/12/2016 11:26

Oh dear she sounds hard work maybe she thinks she is helping or gets over excited about doing things with him but I don't think she doing it to punish you cos you fell out, maybe don't tell her things so she can't undermine you.

Let him go to the carnival today but set some boundaries for the future and stop teling her so much. I hope your backmoney arrives soon its rubbish being skint.

ProudBadMum · 27/12/2016 11:34

I'm or getting how treating her grandson is punishing you. Let her take him

If you are skint then I wouldn't waste money on tickets

Twooter · 27/12/2016 11:37

I wouldn't let her, because if she's that nasty a person I wouldn't want them getting too close to my child.

FlyingElbows · 27/12/2016 11:39

Oh fgs there are some things it is just not worth locking horns over. Your son gets to go and you get to save some money you clearly could do with holding on to. What exactly is the problem?

formerbabe · 27/12/2016 11:42

Drip drip

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 27/12/2016 11:45

I'd let her take him without letting her know it bothers you. You could even make it sound like a favour to her . When your money comes through set some aside for another treat for your DS and don't tell her about it until after the event.
It sounds like she is trying to trump your ideas all the time so don't tell her your plans.

coconutpie · 27/12/2016 11:48

Massive drip feed there OP.

No, I would not let her take him. And quite frankly, I would be minimising contact with her and your DS's contact with her. He should not be exposed to that nasty behaviour just because she is his grandmother. Stop taking her crap. Tell her to fuck off. She's already punishing you (because you let her) so your life will be no different if you stand up for yourself.

Bobsmum02 · 27/12/2016 11:57

Let him go with your MIL, not fair to make him miss out because you can afford to go.

Your MIL does sound a bit pushy but this is one of those situations where MIL's can't do right for doing wrong. If she didn't offer to take him anywhere or buy him anything she'd be in the wrong and when she does she's punishing you! I don't get it!

CurbsideProphet · 27/12/2016 11:58

I feel sorry for you OP. The way I read it is that your MIL likes to be the one who makes the big gestures and be the favourite - getting the favourite presents, taking your DS to exciting places/Santa etc. I think it's very mean of her to try to buy her grandson's affections. Does your DP ever back you up? If not, then he is a large part of the problem.

MiladyThesaurus · 27/12/2016 12:00

Top tip for the carnival is to go early on New Year's Day when everyone is hung over. Or ideally let your MIL take him and thank your lucky stars that you don't have to go.

ollieplimsoles · 27/12/2016 12:05

she's also bought him show tickets I was going to get him for his birthday and is taking him

No she isn't.
"aw thanks, ds was really looking forward to us taking him to this show, he will have a great time with me and dh!"
Then take the tickets.

Similar here...
"Aw thanks for offering but I'll be going with ds no matter what because I really wanted to take him so ill wait for my money to come in and see what happens".

She knows you want to take him and is dangling the fact she can afford it in front of you on purpose.

hesterton · 27/12/2016 12:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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