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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think 'fuck off then'

49 replies

Mehfruittea · 26/12/2016 10:44

My mum is saying she is going home now. She lives 2 hrs away and said she would be here until tomorrow lunchtime.

I have food in for her, she really likes to eat, and my son is expecting her to stay. There is lots of food for 3 more meals. She eats twice what I do, I don't mind and am happy to cater. If she's here to eat it. DS enjoys playing with her, is 5, and won't really understand why she is going. She arrived yesterday lunchtime, so that we had Christmas morning as just us (DS, DH and me). First year it's ever been just us 3 and it was nice.

Last year she arrived on xmas eve in the evening and drove back on Christmas Day, in a storm. It ruined Christmas Day for us as she got up and then took dog for a walk, proper hour long walk, when DS had already waited for her before opening presents. He was then waiting for her to get back from walk, but we didn't know where she had gone or how long she would be. At 4 yrs old, he did really well not to have a complete tantrum over it. I silently lost my shit with her so when she announced she was going home, at 11am on Christmas Day, I helped her pack.

Now she is saying she is going after she's walked the dog at 11am. She is on her own and my brother won't have anything to do with her. I don't like to think of her on her own at Christmas, but ffs, she's so miserable and doesn't want to be here. Clearly. DH says I should have it out with her so we know why she doesn't ever want to stay? She always invites herself every year. I just want to let her leave. AIBU?

OP posts:
Castleheights · 26/12/2016 10:51

Let her go. Smile and wave her off. No drama.
Some people have complicated emotions, she clearly wants to be by herself and from what you have said I see no reason why she cant do that. Your dc will get over her leaving.

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad · 26/12/2016 10:51

I would probably say something like "is anything wrong? We thought you were staying until tomorrow. I've got stacks of food in and DS will be disappointed". If she still insists on going I'd just let her but I would avoid having a row about it. There's little point if she really wants to go.

fueledbybacon · 26/12/2016 10:52

I wish mine would leave a day early Grin

pklme · 26/12/2016 10:55

Mine have decided to stay an extra day...

pipsqueak25 · 26/12/2016 10:57

i wouldn't bet into an argument about it, if she wants to go that's fine, smile and wave goodbye, then you can have a happier time around with dh and ds, without someone dragging you all down.

ChasedByBees · 26/12/2016 10:57

What onemorecup says. The ultra no need to start a row but you can ask her from the perspective of wanting to spend time with her.

ChasedByBees · 26/12/2016 10:58

'The ultra no' was meant to be 'there's no'

HecAteAllTheXmasPud · 26/12/2016 10:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pklme · 26/12/2016 10:58

I have trained my children that anything is possible with relatives. Great presents, rubbish presents, forgotten presents, arriving early, arriving late.
I now have bomb proof kids that I am really proud of. They know the world doesn't revolve around them, and they have great self esteem. Halol
Sorry to sound smug, and I know it is really irritating, but honestly it makes life much easier when you are ready for anything!!

CalorieCreditEqualsCake · 26/12/2016 10:59

I'd let her go and just expect it next year.

Let your son know well in advance when you expect her to leave and definitely don't believe her when she says she will stay until XYZ

PNGirl · 26/12/2016 11:01

My grandma was like this - massively introverted, lived alone, and unlike some introverts found family just as draining as friends and colleagues. Don't take it personally.

user1471545174 · 26/12/2016 11:02

Definitely remove all possibility of drama. A smile, a cheery wave and some festive food to take away. She is looking for drama, don't provide it.

Cherrysoup · 26/12/2016 11:02

I would definitely be asking why she is again leaving early. Maybe next time, she should just come for Christmas Day/night if she can't cope with more time.

happychristmasbum · 26/12/2016 11:03

Aside from the potential of wasted food, I can't really see what the problem is.

She wants to leave early, I would just smile and wave and say "safe journey" and then get on with your Christmas.

Christmassnake · 26/12/2016 11:07

If she has lost her husband ,Xmas may not be a happy time for her,and she may prefer to be alone,or get upset on the day when she remembers her dh is gone,that is my mums situation and she prefers Xmas alone for that reason x

pinkblink · 26/12/2016 11:08

Wish her a happy new year, wave her off, contact her in a few weeks and tell her you're planning to have Christmas without guests next year as it's too unpredictable with people changing plans each time

Wolfiefan · 26/12/2016 11:08

Why does she want to leave early? Why is it a problem anyway? (I can't imagine one person leaving one day early wastes much food!)
Maybe she likes walking the dog? I wouldn't have waited TBH. I would have said a time for present opening if necessary.
I still can't see why her wanting to leave early means she should "fuck off"?! Confused

Branleuse · 26/12/2016 11:09

shes probably a bit overwhelmed and just needs to get back to her own space

PurpleMinionMummy · 26/12/2016 11:10

Ah no, how disappointing. I understand why you're upset. She clearly can't handle being away from home or whatever for too long. Maybe next year you can ask her how long she wants to stay for and say a few days is fine, 24 hours is also fine too just as long as you know in advance. It may take some pressure off you all?

hesterton · 26/12/2016 11:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mrsmadevans · 26/12/2016 11:13

Give her the food to take it will please her no end from one glutton who knows

Costacoffeeplease · 26/12/2016 11:13

She did it last year and you're surprised she's doing it this year? Confused

Original poster
Mehfruittea · 26/12/2016 11:17

Ok she's off on her walk now. I did ask if there was any reason, and dropped in that I was about to start cooking a giant lasagne for lunch. She is totally led by food (that's a whole different thread!) and said she'd stay for lunch. With the prospect of having to eat a roulade without her help, I went for it and asked if she wasn't comfortable here.

Last night she played a stupidly loud game on her phone rather than speak to us for about an hour before going to bed. This morning she is playing cards on her laptop.

She said her computer never works properly when she's here. Really?! So I've logged her laptop and phone on to our wifi. She's happy and staying. OMG! AIBU to be more annoyed now I know she was only leaving because she had no wifi?

OP posts:
gamerwidow · 26/12/2016 11:18

Let her go no point her being there if she doesn't want to be and ruining the atmosphere for everyone else. Pack her up a food parcel to avoid wasting food and wave her off with a cheery smile. There is no mileage to be had out of making her reveal her reasoning. It's unlikely to be anything you would enjoy hearing.

gamerwidow · 26/12/2016 11:20

Ah cross posted. Yes that's very rude and anti social that she'd rather be on her laptop. Still you know now it's her not you.

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