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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this plan for Christmas Day is a bit..odd

34 replies

FedupofbeingtoldIcantusemyname · 23/12/2016 20:03

Dss is having Christmas lunch and the morning with his mum & that side of the family. Fair enough.

Since the plan was always to pick dss up in the early afternoon and then take him to sil's house where we are celebrating, I assumed that the rest of us (i.e. Me, dp and his side of the family) would have Christmas lunch before he arrives, then pick him up and bring him over for presents etc.

But no, I am mistaken apparently. The plan is actually to hang around at home until early afternoon, pick dss up then head to sil's, then wait until dinner time for our Christmas meal, which dss will be sitting at the table no eating because he has a small appetite and will still be full from lunch?

Aibu to think this is weird? Christmas meal isn't supposed to be a lunch isn't it? Why do we all have to wait until dss gets there when he won't be eating? Won't he be bored just sitting there? Confused! Or aibu?

OP posts:
ems137 · 23/12/2016 20:07

It's a bit different but I think it's lovely that the family want to hold off the celebrations until SS arrives. He'll feel included by both sides of the family this way which is lovely :-)

Obviously communication could have gone a bit better but it's not too bad. Enjoy the day

Notonthestairs · 23/12/2016 20:07

I guess it's the event part of it they want - you all sitting round the table together, paper hats on, crackers cracked etc. Maybe he can just eat what he fancies (and do a comparison Smile)

Sirzy · 23/12/2016 20:09

I think it's nice they are trying to include him. He can just eat a little bit but that way he isn't being left out

Scooby20 · 23/12/2016 20:09

We have ours at 5pm. Because otherwise suits us better and means pil can join us.

Don't see the issue myself

JenniferYellowHat1980 · 23/12/2016 20:10

You don't sound too impressed that DSS's dad and aunt want to make sure he's fully involved in the day. YABU and transparent.

Original poster
FedupofbeingtoldIcantusemyname · 23/12/2016 20:11

No it's not that at all yellow! I'm just concerned that dss will be bored just sat at the table watching us all eat! Of course we all want to include him, we aren't starting any celebrations until he gets there!

OP posts:
StStrattersOfMN · 23/12/2016 20:11

Poor kid.

How lovely that the rest of the family want him included though.

DangerousBeanz · 23/12/2016 20:12

We have a big brunch on Christmas day then Christmas dinner at about 5. So those plans would suit me fine. Not everyone has the Christmas meal at lunchtime and the thought of having to run along like a blue arsed fly in the morning to get a big roast ready for 12 sounds awful.
Enjoy a chilled out morning.

Original poster
FedupofbeingtoldIcantusemyname · 23/12/2016 20:12

He has, and has always had, a really small appitite so I really doubt he will eat anything.

OP posts:
dementedpixie · 23/12/2016 20:13

We have ours at 5/6pm not at lunchtime

cherrycrumblecustard · 23/12/2016 20:13

I don't think it's weird, I think it's the right thing to do. Occasions where you have a special dinner aren't just about the food.

Sirzy · 23/12/2016 20:13

He doesn't need to be eating to be included though!

Lilaclily · 23/12/2016 20:14

Oh I'm sure he'll have some sausages and bacon that sort of thing, stuffing etc

Original poster
FedupofbeingtoldIcantusemyname · 23/12/2016 20:15

Ok fair enough, I guess it's just so different from what I do with my family normally so it just feels a bit odd to me!

Whatever stratters

OP posts:
bloodymaria · 23/12/2016 20:16

It's weird that you think it's weird!

cherrycrumblecustard · 23/12/2016 20:17

I think everyone does it differently with the timings.

When I was younger ours used to be at lunch but I remember my best friend from school always used to have her big turkey dinner on Christmas Eve. They still do.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 23/12/2016 20:18

OP. I agree with you. If he's not a 'foodie' then it's better to eat (as he has done) before he gets there so that you have more time for fun. Games, chocolate, building Lego....

PurpleMinionMummy · 23/12/2016 20:20

Do you only feed him once a day normally then? Yabu and you sound awful not wanting to wait for him.so you can all eat xmas dinner together, regardless of whether he eats or not.

Bluntness100 · 23/12/2016 20:23

I think it would be weird to try to eat my Xmas dinner before he gets there and yes I'd absolutely want my child to have Xmas dinner with me and that certainly wouldn't be based on how much they ate,🙄 I've also never heard anyone say don't come for Xmas dinner and join us as it's boring to watch us eat.

Of course he wants to include his child. If it was your child you would too, Or is that the point, it's not your child?

ToastieRoastie · 23/12/2016 20:26

We have our big family Christmas meal between 6 and 7. Individual families stay at home and chill out with immediate family, then we all get together for dinner.

My DC are also having two Christmas dinners - one at their dads and one with me at the big family meal. His cousin (my niece) does the same - lunch with her DM and then dinner with her dad and us in evening.

We did the evening meal before brother and I seperated from our partners - just so happens that it means DS and DN get to enjoy family meal with us too.

Poocatcherchampion · 23/12/2016 20:30

How old is tiny Tim?

YeOldMa · 23/12/2016 20:35

I think it depends on the age of DSS. Younger children often couldn't give a stuff about the meal but want to be there for the present opening. We always eat on 1pm and would probably have carried on eating at that time as long as DSS was going to get a Christmas Dinner.

SantasJockstrap · 23/12/2016 20:37

Another useless Christmas drama thread

No its not weird. People eat at different times there is no set time

We would usually have xmas dinner 5-6pm it suits us

Graphista · 23/12/2016 20:38

I've just worked out I've experienced 7 different ways of 'doing' Christmas Day. Every family thinks their way is the 'norm'.

This is quite common for children of separated parents to my knowledge. Many will have smaller portions at each sitting than they would if only having one sitting.

If your partner is ok with this and dss and it sounds like everyone else too I wouldn't see the problem.

BumWad · 23/12/2016 20:42

It's weird that you think it's weird!

Yes.