Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU To not buy one back? And to be confused?

26 replies

OopsDearyMe · 21/12/2016 11:49

The kids dad just turned up to collect DD1 he dropped off a bag of presents, even tho he originally said he'd be here on Christmas eve to drop them. He adds as he's leaving that there are gifts for me in the bag!!!!!
What!!!!!
We never ever buy presents for each other since splitting 6 years ago. And even when we were together he forgot my birthday two years and never bothered with a gift for Christmas until he was badgered by his and my mum.

How do I take this? I have no intention of getting him anything.

OP posts:
LittleBoat · 21/12/2016 11:52

Are they supposed to be from the kids?

xStefx · 21/12/2016 11:57

Open them , see what it is. Maybe its from the kids???

WorraLiberty · 21/12/2016 12:00

I do a lot of things now that I probably didn't do 6 years ago.

I'd just take it for what it is. A nice thought.

FeelingSmurfy · 21/12/2016 12:07

How old are the kids, maybe it's something they wanted him to do (from him or them)

MollyRedskirts · 21/12/2016 12:12

I would assume your kids have asked him to buy something. I'd open them and check.

RebootYourEngine · 21/12/2016 12:18

Has he got a partner?

Mistoffeleze · 21/12/2016 12:31

I genuinely don't see what the problem is here.

Did he stand there with his hands out expecting a present in return or was it simply a friendly gesture.

However amicable your divorce, it's never perfect. Perhaps he's simply trying to make amends for that forgotten birthday or improve your relationship.

I hope you were more grateful when he gave it to you.

No, I wouldn't buy him a present if I didn't want to but I'd be sure to say thank you.

As someone else said, perhaps it was 'from' your children to you.

MudCity · 21/12/2016 12:46

Accept it with gratitude as a nice thought.

Be gracious.

No need to buy a gift in return.

RuggerHug · 21/12/2016 12:50

I'd assume they're from the kids as well OP.

harderandharder2breathe · 21/12/2016 12:52

Likely it's "from the kids", if it's from him then thank him but don't feel pressured to get him something in return, it is a bit odd

FeelingSmurfy · 21/12/2016 13:13

Do you normally get many presents? Depending on their age, the kids could have been sad that mummy doesn't have much to open

NancyDonahue · 21/12/2016 13:18

Could be from the children. Or he could just have got you a gift because he felt like it. People change.

You don't have to get a gift in return unless you want to. You could aways get something small like chocolates and label them from the children.

Original poster
OopsDearyMe · 21/12/2016 13:20

The divorce was NOT amicable and we are still in court action over contact, they are not from the kids. Its really very strange behaviour.

He was emotionally and sexually abusive while we were married.

OP posts:
YetAnotherUser · 21/12/2016 13:24

I buy my ex something for Xmas when i remember... nothing more than a tenner and always something practical, not ornamental or sentimental.

Tis the season for goodwill!

Original poster
OopsDearyMe · 21/12/2016 13:25

People change???? Really well in the 7 years we were married and 6 since we split he hadn't

Oh and misstoff ... Mum??? Wowee

OP posts:
AndShesGone · 21/12/2016 13:27

Your further posts indicate he's a manipulative twat

So he's given the gifts to soften you a bit as he wants more shit in court or he wants to look good for someone else

He knows you're a nice person so he thinks it will work on you

Don't let it by burning them in a giant pile on the front lawn cackling hysterically while wearing an elf hat

It's the only way Grin

Namechangeemergency · 21/12/2016 13:38

FGS.
Don't drip feed and then get narky when people answer the question in your OP rather than the one in your head.

NancyDonahue · 21/12/2016 14:29

My answer would have been different if you'd mentioned He was emotionally and sexually abusive while we were married in your first post.

Coffeethrowtrampbitch · 21/12/2016 14:34

Dont give them back or ask any questions. If he was abusive then he has done this to mess with your head.

Just open them, decide to give away or keep them, and say thank you next time you see him. Just the way you would if an over friendly acquaintance had bought you a gift you weren't expecting.

There is nothing he can do or say to cause trouble then. He is looking for a reaction of some kind and the best way to avoid playing the game he wants is not to give him one.

Mistoffeleze · 21/12/2016 15:03

Oh and misstoff ... Mum??? Wowee

What do you mean?

bittapitta · 21/12/2016 15:10

Before you get worked up, open the present from him. The present itself might explain why he got it iyswim.

TwoGunslingers · 21/12/2016 15:27

Take a deep breath, open it, and keep it if you like it and chuck it if you don't.

harderandharder2breathe · 21/12/2016 15:29

Agree, if you'd mentioned his history of emotional abuse originally you'd have got different responses

Can you send it back to him? Definitely don't get him something in return.

awayinamazda · 21/12/2016 15:38

I really think the best response is to act as if he is someone u slightly know, and have no particular feelings either way about - politely thank him for the gift, and keep or chuck it depending what u want to do (even if it's nice, u might not enjoy it, so do whatever feels right.
I know u have a lot of feeling about this, but u probably don't want him to see that - he may be trying to wind u up, or trying to behave better, and either way being calm, dignified, and slightly distant is the best response, imo!

gamerchick · 21/12/2016 15:40

Sounds like he's going to pull a stunt in court and has helpfully given you warning.

Don't return gifts, personally I would stash them away unopened until the court shit is out of the way. That way you can give them back if it does turn into an ulterior motive.