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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel irritated when dh is ill

36 replies

oldguygirl · 20/12/2016 22:26

I think I probably am. Dh has a virus that my son has also had- I was the one who had to stay at home and look after our son. He works away during the week and is currently in a hotel room feeling like death warmed up. I don't fell very sympathetic. When I am ill I just have to take some tablets and get on with it. He is currently sleeping - I don't even get to do that when I am ill. No one looks after me and my son when I am ill as he usually his job comes first.
Anyone else feel like that menfolk can be ill and woman can't

OP posts:

Oakmaiden · 20/12/2016 22:28

My husband only gets ill to spite me.

Oakmaiden · 20/12/2016 22:31

So I guess I am saying no, in my experience that isn't the case. The men in my life are actually very stoic, and I am a real baby when I feel poorly and require lots of sympathy. I do get on with what needs to be done, as does my husband, but I require a lot of tlc.

Whereas I desperately resent my husband feeling ill.

Fair- no. I do accept my views are hugely unreasonable, and I try to be sympathetic to him. A bit.

NavyandWhite · 20/12/2016 22:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SmallBee · 20/12/2016 22:33

YANBU. I'm on maternity leave and I've been ill but had to carry on. Although DH does wfh as much as he can and help out, ultimately he still has to work so it's limited respite.
When he was ill for two weeks he got to lie in bed all day.
I was irrationally jealous of him.

TheRollingCrone · 20/12/2016 22:35

Do you think it's worry for them, manifesting as annoyance? I'm like that I may have been called Nurse Ratchet on occasion

CwtchMeQuick · 20/12/2016 22:37

Your partner is currently ill and stuck away from home, and you feel irritated? I think YABU

Bluntness100 · 20/12/2016 22:38

Well no one is looking after him if he's in a hotel room. Sorry but yes you're being unreasonable.

NavyandWhite · 20/12/2016 22:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Oysterbabe · 20/12/2016 22:43

Yanbu. What I wouldn't give for a few nights in a hotel not having to get up with the baby. Even if ill it'd be like a holiday.

Gileswithachainsaw · 20/12/2016 22:47

I know exactly what you mean. Dp always moans about how I don't take it easy when I'm ill yet no one else is gonna do the school run. Or put the washing away etc

Yes when he's I'll straight off to bed he goes and of course it's sooo much worse for him. Cos every thing is accompanied with sighs and sluggish movements. Yeah I still had to get on with it ffs man up.

Smidge001 · 20/12/2016 22:56

and of course it's sooo much worse for him. Cos every thing is accompanied with sighs and sluggish movements

Oh that is sooo my OH too. What he doesn't seem to grasp is that I'd be so much more sympathetic and caring if he put up and shut up and put on a brace face. then I'd be impressed and proud and feel a gush of love and want to make him feel better. But with all the moaning and sighing, self pity and implication that it's so much worse for him I just get so angry and want to mimic the whiny crap out of him
Grr it's making me cross just thinking about it!

Gileswithachainsaw · 20/12/2016 23:07

They don't know they are born do they.

Looking after sick children whilst sick yourself and the washing copius amounts of clothes and bedding...whist they stay in he'd as they are just soooo I'll....

hatsandbagsandshoes · 20/12/2016 23:20

I could have written this myself! I cannot do sympathy, as hard as I try (not very!), because I literally do not get to be ill for longer than a day, and even that day I have to carry on as normal!

tangerino · 20/12/2016 23:28

It is rotten that you have to carry on when you are ill. However, I'm not sure that it means your OH shouldn't go to bed- it's not affecting the family and it's surely good that he gets better ASAP.

Can you do some contingency planning so that next time you're ill, you can rest too, eg agree with a friend to help each other out?

LooksBetterWithAFilter · 20/12/2016 23:31

Giles my dh is the same. Always tells me to take it easy, that I'm doing too much. I have a hip problem and he tells me off for carrying shopping. I'm not entirely sure how he thinks I can take it easy or how the shopping gets into the house when he isn't about, it doesn't fly in.
We all had a stomach bug a few months ago. I had the three Dec off school one after the other, then I got it, I still had to drive the dd to school and pick them up and do homework etc. As he often works away. He got it and did not move from his bed at all for a whole day. By that point I was very grumpy my tired and not very sympathetic. It always happens he says you should go to bed when you're ill but I don't have the option of just opting out completely.
In every other way dh is great, we share everything right down the middle until we are ill, then he's in bed and I'm getting on with it. He even told me that I take so long to get over things because I don't rest enough...oh how I laughed.

Scholes34 · 20/12/2016 23:34

DH once told me that I was very lucky because I never get ill!

Gileswithachainsaw · 20/12/2016 23:37

Ha ha ha yes

And then there's the complete misconception that because we aren't whinging and whining about it or showing obvious signs of struggling or pain etc that we can't be that bad.

No we just don't have the time or energy to waste on either dragging everyone else down or ensuring we make it quite clear we are ill....

Pumperthepumper · 20/12/2016 23:41

My favourite ever thread on here was about annoying things husbands do when they're ill - one poster's dh developed a limp when he caught a cold, another had a special 'illness outfit' where he wouldn't say a word but would put these specific clothes on, then look mournfully at her until she realised he was wearing them. Amazing.

ClarissaDarling · 20/12/2016 23:43

Same here! Both me and 6 month old with D&V, I soldier on- DH took to his bed, but was able to manfuly send food requests!!

LittleLionMansMummy · 20/12/2016 23:46

I'm always pissed off that on the odd occasion I'm ill there's never any paracetamol or ibuprofen left in the cupboards because dh has used it all during the numerous occasions he's ill. He always takes himself off to bed or ends up being such a bad ill tempered patient that I send him there.

NiceFalafels · 20/12/2016 23:53

Its the same with me. It's much easier being ill when you can sleep in bed without a care and have room service. It's much harder being ill when you have to stay awake and look after a small child and meet other people's needs.

MadHattersWineParty · 21/12/2016 00:00

I wanted to start this thread the other day.

DP had a coughing fit that made him gag. (Cold virus thing, quite mild, both had it) He came back from the loo and stated that he'd 'been violently sick'. It's a bloody en-suite and you can hear everything in there so I knew he hadn't. He then said he had 'no appetite' and the thought of food was 'repulsive' still managed some chips off my plate though.

when we met up with some friends the next day says he hadn't eaten for 'days' it was a one lunchtime he didn't fancy eating. One. Lunchtime.

It was quite irritating but then funny.

Does get annoying when he tells me it's easier for me as I'm 'more used' to being ill though

Original poster

oldguygirl · 21/12/2016 13:02

Amazingly after 16 hours sleep he is much better and doesn't need to be rescued from his hotel room and has gone to work. It seems my definition of not being able to raise my head off the pillow and his are vastly different. Gosh to be able to sleep for 16 hours ........

OP posts:

5000candlesinthewind · 21/12/2016 13:08

Does he not help you out when you are ill? If not then yanbu.
Neither of us are seriously ill often but when we are we make sure to give the ill one lots of rest and space from the kids. Dh will organise a sitter if he has to work. It's best to be fair with each other

AristotlesTrousers · 21/12/2016 13:13

Pumper I don't suppose you have a link to that thread, do you? It sounds great.

You have my sympathies OP.

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