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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Too be annoyed by dh's response?

35 replies

tooneedyme · 19/12/2016 21:25

Dh does nothing at home and never organises anything for us to do as a family (ds4 and dd1).

I've arranged a really special day out for all of us this week and put alot of effort into booking activities for us to do (which I've told him about). I said tonight that I was really looking forward to it and asked if he was and he said, "I don't know what it's going to be like do I so how can I look forward to it?" I a really hurt and upset by this as if nothing else it will be a festive day out with his family and I have explained all the activities and ran the past him that he thinks they are a good idea and he agreed to them all.

OP posts:
NavyandWhite · 19/12/2016 21:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Butterymuffin · 19/12/2016 21:28

Is he always as miserable as this?

ChipIn · 19/12/2016 21:28

Very negative response from him, I can see why you're upset. He could at least say he's looking forward to spending time as a family. I'd probably tell him so and then get over it though.

PinkiePiesCupcakes · 19/12/2016 21:29

Dh does nothing at home

So he's a lazy cunt and he's miserable?
What a catch.... Hmm

Original poster
tooneedyme · 19/12/2016 21:34

I told hi I was upset by it Chipln and he said, it's the truth how can he look forward to it if he doesn't know what it's like.

OP posts:
PinkiePiesCupcakes · 19/12/2016 21:42

Miserable shit.

I'm a SAHD and I swear to almighty god himself, I look foirward to every day I see my little girl, I look forward to every day my GF is off.
I don't give a shiny shite if we sit on the sofa doing jack fuck, I still look forward to it. A day out, with my GF and DD would be something I very much look forward too, wouldn't care what the plan was.

Original poster
tooneedyme · 19/12/2016 22:03

I feel lie uninviting him.

OP posts:
Silverdream · 19/12/2016 22:12

Is he a negative person generally or is he playing mind games. Neither great but latter is far worse.

PNGirl · 19/12/2016 22:13

He's not being "truthful", he's being deliberately hurtful and obtuse. Does he correct you in front of other people too?

DailyFail1 · 19/12/2016 22:14

Is he upset with you about something else?

pointythings · 19/12/2016 22:17

That's awful. You go to all this effort and he just goes straight for the negative. And he's lazy and doesn't help you. What are his redeeming features?

Gooseygoosey12345 · 19/12/2016 22:19

I'd have said "the answer you're looking for is yes, I really appreciate you organising it". He's being an arse!

timeisnotaline · 19/12/2016 22:22

Go with uninvitung him.he can organise the next one (which he won't)

MrsDustyBusty · 19/12/2016 22:23

Well he sounds like he's gearing up to spoil the day if he can.

sanityisamyth · 19/12/2016 22:24

My STBEH was like this. DS birthday is just after Christmas. I'd spent 6 months buying little presents for his 1st birthday and Christmas. I had asked him to help wrap them - had 2 different sets of paper. His response "I didn't buy any of these. I don't know what they are. You do it". His son's first Christmas and birthday and he couldn't be bothered to help wrap presents.

Mind, 2 weeks later I found he was online dating (whilst we were still married and together) and I kicked him out. Obviously his son had slipped down his priorities...

hesterton · 19/12/2016 22:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ICanTuckMyBoobsInMyPockets · 19/12/2016 22:24

I used to have a DP like this.

Used to.

A miserable piece of shit that sucked the joy out of living.

NapQueen · 19/12/2016 22:25

Why do some med feel like they can just opt out of family life? Honestly!!

And tbh more fool the women who take it.

Is this what you want from your marriage?

Original poster
tooneedyme · 19/12/2016 22:32

He has a chronic pain condition which seems to sap all the positivity out of him and gives him a good excuse for opting out of any aspects of family life. I feel like he can't bring himself to think of how being so blunt could be hurtful. It's how he feels so he has to say it. It sucks it's how he feels but to have the nerve to even say it then reinforce it when questioned.

OP posts:
NapQueen · 19/12/2016 22:36

Have you tried responding the way he talks to you?

ethelb · 19/12/2016 22:41

OP he does sound depressed. I have ILs like this an I am low contact, but I do realise it is a symptom of depression.

SquinkiesRule · 19/12/2016 22:42

Being in constant pain must be awful. It doesn't however make it OK for him to suck the joy from his Childrens Christmas, or to be a complete arse and use his pain to excuse his attitude.

FlouncedBack · 19/12/2016 22:46

I married a joy sapping, selfish, misery who was just the same as that. He's getting served with divorce papers in the new year.

MrsDustyBusty · 19/12/2016 22:48

If he can't see a way to enjoy it due to his condition, let him feel free to stay home.

CotswoldStrife · 19/12/2016 22:51

Is he worried that it may make his pain worse? Honestly, when you are in constant pain it can take all your energy just to get through the day and you dread the unknown.

I hope the children enjoy the day and it works out well for you all.